A
female
age
30-35,
*YS
writes:I'm sorry this is terribly wrong, but I need help...every time I meet him at the corridor or out of college, he will raise his eyebrows twice,lowers his eyelids and smile, there, he did it again today. The way he raises his eyebrows are something like..'I raise my eyebrows twice when I thought I've done something cool'... what is he trying to do? ps: He is my lecturer..Recently, I needed to consult him on some chapters which I don't understand...I've never liked the idea on consulting male lecturers one to one, so I asked my friend to accompany me, after a few minutes, I excused myself to go and get somemore trial papers, and he gave me this look like..*owh, ok*... it seemed that he was a bit annoyed since I have to make him wait while I go get the papers..but I just brushed the feelings aside and went off. Then, as I was walking back to the consultation room with my papers, I saw my friend leaving, and I was like "hey, don't you want to stay for a bit?", I asked her, but she said she can't and that she had to go home...so I had to go alone. I walked in, placed the papers on the table, and asked my questions, everything was well, he was explaining to me the graphs and everything when he reached out to take the pen away from me to draw something... Now..I understand that when you reached out to take something away from people, you might touch them accidently, and that's fine...but..you don't *draped* your hand on other people's hand when you take a pen out of their hand do you? When he reached out to take it from me, I was ready to give him the pen, but my pen have to choose that moment to fall on to the table, and his fingers slipped into my palm. If i'm not mistaken, I think I heard him sighed once when he did that.I was stunted and pulled away slowly and I can't really register his reaction, because like I said, I was stunted. He then continue to explain to me as if nothing had happened, his actions after that very relax...Peeps, what is he trying to do here? ps: the consultation room is only a small room, where there's no one, but only the 2 of us...He's 30, I'm 19 Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sup!!  +, writes (16 September 2012):
I got to admit i think you were over reacting i mean is that ALL the proof you have that he might like you in that manner?
First if you want to see if he likes you in that way then you should have more advents leading to that he likes you in that way.
not one small little reason. So what I'm trying to say is that you really need a lot more proof then what you have...
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (2 September 2012):
I drew all of my conclusions from the information you provided. You didn't say your friend had questions too...you stated you asked her to come along because you didn't feel comfortable working alone with your lecturer.
If you re-read my first answer to you please look at the parenthesis surrounding a very specific *question* i asked you. That question is not a 'conclusion.'
It was still rude to schedule time for working with your lecturer and not arrive punctually and prepared.
Why is your version of the events suddenly changing? Please re-read your original question and try too analyse what you say, the information you provided, and pay attention to the tone of what you wrote. You want people to sympathize with you and tell you that feeling uncomfortable in this situation is somehow justified. It isn't. You are overreacting.
If you have a problem with your college's policy regarding using conference rooms to study alone with and lecturers of the opposite gender, why not form a study group and schedule a time to meet with him together?
Finally, if you do nothing else...next time *bring an extra pen and set it down on the desk before you begin* and come prepared with all your paperwork.
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A
female
reader, RYS +, writes (2 September 2012):
RYS is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirstly, thank you everyone for your advices. I've thought the same thing as Candid Cally said, frustrated, but only to the point of me forgetting to bring some trial papers. Yes, Candid Cally, HoneyPie, Person12345, my friend is my classmate which means that both of us attended his classes. She had questions to ask too, that's why we went in together. When he was explaining the questions to her, I ASKED PERMISSION to go and get my papers,CANDY CALLY, AM I BEING RUDE IN ANYWAY?? It's better than just sitting there right?? PLease do not draw conclusions with words like 'leave your friend and lecturer alone without even introducing them' 'you took your time getting things you already should have had'. Meeting up in the consultation room wasn't even my idea nor anyone's. It is the college policy.AND Dr...., thanks for pointing out my spelling mistake, no wonder the word felt incorrect somehow, thanks.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 September 2012):
 I think you are reading WAY more into his actions then actually happened.
I agree with Candid Cally, I think he was more frustrated with you then interested.
Chill and show up more prepared next time and don't bring a friend. It's not a party you are going to.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 September 2012):
 I really don't think anything else was going on here. I had a lecherous professor once, and I've had a couple friends who did as well. It is not a subtle brush of palm. It's very obvious, they are very up front about it and there is no question that they are being gross. They aren't sighing or accidentally grabbing your hand while reaching for a pen, they are commenting on your chest or trying to give you back massages.
Like the others said he sounds frustrated and uncomfortable because you are uncomfortable. My guess is you sit there silently and totally rigid. You also were so concerned about whether he is coming onto you that you came unprepared and brought a friend.
If something has happened with a teacher or something in the past, this kind of behavior would make sense. But you can't be torching your grades over this. If you are uncomfortable, ask to meet in the library or somewhere else that is vaguely public but still quiet.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (1 September 2012):
He was trying to take your pen.
He sighed because he was frustrated...first, you couldn't meet him alone so you could work without distraction. You brought a friend.
Next, instead of bringing the material you needed to go over with him, you left him and your friend (does your friend even take his class, or did you leave your friend and lecturer alone without even introducing them...awkward!) alone while you took your time getting things you already should have had.
Finally, once your friend left and you returned with the material you needed help with, you showed him you couldn't even hand him a pen properly. You dropped causing him to awkwardly grope at your hand where the pen should have been.
He didn't sigh because he likes you. He sighed because he was frustrated with everything you put him through and probably felt like you did not respect him as a lecturer.
Next time you schedule a meeting for any lecturer to tutor you please ensure that you arrive on time with all of your materials, bring an extra pen for the lecturer to use if necessary, and do not bring a friend.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 September 2012):
 I think he picks up on your discomfort (because it sounds to me like you are very very VERY uncomfortable around this man in general) and that he's teasing you with it...
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather  +, writes (1 September 2012):
 Jeez - and they say older guys are the worst? This is like lechery in reverse!Your imagination is more fertile than Percy thrower's garden! Personally, I often raise my eyebrows to acknowledge someone without using words. A lot of people do.Aw, I'm not going to waste time trying to explain away every little detail to you. I think you really need to get out more - get a life - as we used to say, instead of fixating on this individual. Especially so as you've intimidated that you're ill at ease in male company.And it's STUNNED, not STUNTED! He's obviously not your English teacher!
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