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*onelynights
writes:I put a question in the other day about my husband watching porn [just a gut feeling i had] Well surprise surprise my gut feeling was right. I found 19 porn cd's in his work bag today, so its not very pleasant in my home at the moment. Thanks to all who tried to help but now the trust has gone yet again, I dont see any reason to hang on to the lies or deceipt any more
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reader, Coloradogrl  +, writes (13 September 2008):
He shouldnt have LIED about it. But you shouldnt have searched his bag either. So now you're both in the wrong, drop it and watch it together. Its fun and he might like that youre relaxed enough to give him that freedom. It's about me-time and doesnt mean he doesnt love you. Dont you have any guilty pleasures? Make it fun for both of you and he wont feel he needs to hide from you.
A
male
reader, Mr. +, writes (13 September 2008):
Seriously - he loves you. He also enjoys a bit of porn - give him a bit of freedom like you would like now and again and stop crushing him. He's done nothing wrong but have a bit of porn - so what! A relationship is about enjoying the other person and yes, we all have ups and downs - but at the end of the day if you can look them in the eyes and recall the excitement of being with that person - then all well and good - when you loo them in the eyes and you feel nothing but hurt - then that's a differnet matter - but usually you may have this straight away as natural fight/flight reaction thought - but after ickle time, all is forgotten and you love one another again. Life's not a bed of roses at all times - after all, if you don't have the lows, how can you really know when you are on a high - but for crying out loud will all of you and everybody stop being so melodramtic and ease out. everybody in the world doesn't want to hurt anyone - but also everyone needs a little space - so stop cramping him, chill out and also have a bit of fun to yourself ;-)
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A
female
reader, willow73 +, writes (21 September 2007):
 Hi there lonelynights,
i am sorry to here that your instincts were right. but from your previous post it seemed to me that he was more than likely still viewing porn, i should know having been in the same possition as you.
don't quite know what the answer is for this i'm still trying to regain trust in my partner and unfortunatly i still feel better when i'm not around him which isn't a good sign. iv'e been feeling completely different about my partner for the past 18mths and it hasn't got better.all i can say is when the trust is truely gone maybe then you never get it back.
good luck to you,
you know where i am if you want to talk.
willow73
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (21 September 2007):
 if this is the only thing he has "lied" about it's probably because he knew how you'd react which in't justifying it but to be hoinest, it's more uncommon to find a man who doesn't have a stash of porn. it's not a crime or a guilty secret to watch porn, alot of men (and women) watch it, there's nothing wrong with it.i think you need to lay off your husband a little, afteral, there are a million worse things he could have done and as for the trust issues, you were going through his bag, his personal space for something for trivial. i wouldn't have told you if i was him either because he knew what to expect, a blazing row. you're wither a prude who doesn't like to talk about the obvious or you think your husband doesn't pleaseue himself because he's got you. all man have there moments to themselves and there is no harm in it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): It's generally a harmless pastime that few women seem to understand. Why not suggest watching it with him? You might get to like it - I know a couple of women that get turned on by it.If it should happen that you end up confiscating it from him, could you send it on to me? I'll pay the postage.
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