A
female
age
,
*anell346
writes:OK - I understand guys 'look', and sometimes 'talk' about the other pretty women in the room, but what is 'too much'? Within three hours of a date last night, there were approximately 20 comments from my significant other about the 'arm candy' across the room, the 'entertainment' on the dance floor, 'see the large woman across the room', etc. It's always the 'clothes' they are wearing, their physical attributes, highly sexual comments that continue in a rather constant barrage throughout an evening. I finally explained that manners on a date were important to me, and if he is only interested in sizing up the female gender maybe we are ill suited. I also said he should date his buddies, as they would much prefer his company on a night out of 'scoping'. What does anyone make of this, what is 'normal'/'acceptable'? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): I totally understand what you mean-I am recently married and my husband does the same thing. He has made all sorts of excuses that are just not acceptable. While he is making a concerted effort to change-it may be too late. On our honeymoon I had to tell him 5 times to stop ogling other women!!!Any comments?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): Mabye he was nervous? Mabye he was worried about what to say and that was all he thought of saying?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): Nothing is acceptable. If he looks, he better do it in a way in which you don't notice. This guy is immature & sounds to me like a date from hell. You can do much, much better than this. Would you even consider doing this to him? I would feel very ignorant acting that way. He obviously has self esteem issues if he feels like all he has to offer on a date is judging every woman in the place. GOsh, what a LOSER. I'm sorry but if you can't see that he is not relationship material, then maybe you should date him. But since you asked this question, obviously you know there's a problem with this behavior. You should get rid right away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): I think you are way more intelligent than this guy and you should dump him and find a great man who is going to treat you with respect. He's simply not good enough for you and the only thing that is keeping you clinging to this relationship is you ignoring your gut instinct about him. You know he's a wrong-un!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007):
Men are visually stimulated and so if he was really in to you, he'd be stimulated by looking at you and only you.
You can always tell how much a guy is in to you by how attentive they to you and your needs.
Perhaps I could understand if for a much younger guy, but a guy your age should have learnt long ago how to behave around women.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (21 September 2007):
what your date did was very insensitive and totaly inappropiate. and just rude. i honestly dont understand why a guy did that, but my ex bf who i went out with for 7 months used to do that...all the time for 7 months! it was torture.
guys who do that clearly have no respect and without respect you dont have a healthy relationship.
how long have you been seeing this guy for? how old is he? you would think by your 40s you would know thats not right to do...
if i was you i would leave this guy. dont put up with such disrespect. you deserve SO much more.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (21 September 2007):
 he thinks he's some kind of casanova and i'm sure you wouln't trust him at all, undrstandably, after this date. it was insensitive and pretty stupid of him to think you care about these "pretty eye candy" ladies.your better off without him, let him find someone else to put up with his behaviour and you can do alot better.good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): Hi Hun,Is this one of a first date kinda thing?If so I no were your coming from and I had a very short date with someone very much the same, Oh he seemed wonderfull for about 2hrs!!!!And he took me out and did what you are explaining I felt it was some sort of attention seeking imaturity, So I popped to the loo and disapeared to the closest club.Had a great time!Men and women do look yes men are known for the more visual thing, but constantly going on how FINE every woman in a room is in front of you must have put you off a tad.. women have this visual thing to love well I do sometimes we forget and that is because we like the company we are with, And not all men are rude like this ex dating prospect hun I hope.I wouldnt have stayed as you can tell that would bore me, He did catch up with me but I live on a small island, so its not hard. I did explain as nicely as two bottles of red allowed.. Find someone who pays attention to you love, men will always look at a pretty girl same both ways but there is a line when maybe he should be giving you a good time, Maybe this one isnt meant to be TAKE CARE HUN LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): Well that's not normal! unless he's really dumb I'd say he wasn't that into you and was trying to put you off, very childish behaviour. I catch my parnter looking sometimes but he never comments or points them out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): Well this level is not. It is rude and ignorant. If he were saying things about the men too perhaps it would be considered just people watching. However, to judge women like this based only on how they look and their suitability sexually is just crass. As a discriminating person, as I am sure you are, I would be put off this significant person a little. It is so important not to be defensive though and let it make you feel bad about yourself. That will make you come across badly and you shoud not feel that way. If it were me I would have said something along these lines but this is too long, "The other night I found your continous appraisals of other women while we are on a date a little alarming as well as tiresome. I can not help it, but it has made me start considering whether or not our views on what makes people of value, are compatible. To be honest if it were our first date I don't think I would be making a second. Luckily I think I know you a litle better than that. However, I feel uncomfortable about it and would like you to stop". Only you can decide whether this person is right for you. Detatch yourself a little while you discern, be logical. Don't complain but bear it. Take it as it is; a demonstration of his character that may make him not right for you. What you think and how you feel should be important to him. If he can just take you for granted like this why would he covet your company?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): What's normal for one person is abnormal to another.It could just possibly be that your significant other is trying in a not-too-tactful way that you're better looking or a better dancer than the rest of the arm candy or dance-floor entertainment.My significant other is a real diamond, who points them out to me if she thinks I've missed anything! She's not short of self-confidence you see. I don't think even I would be quite so blatant about it as your fella though.
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