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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I can't get over my insecurity. I've always been a bit insecure because I'm not pretty enough and ever since I was in like 6th grade, when other girls started getting some attention from boys, I was left out. The thing is, I recently broke up with my ex, and he was a jerk, he compared me to other women and said they were hotter but that he loved me "for other reasons", he'd sometimes say I was pretty, but he had compared me or told me of other hot women, and he also added many "hot" women to Facebook when he was mad at me. The problem is, these "hot" women are from my uni! So I see them all the time, and they're completely opposite to me! It's like a constant reminder of how I'm not good enough. I'm a bit chynky now, trying to work on it, though I find it so hard to lose weight! I also have cellulite which I hate, small breasts, a less than perfect butt, ugly dark circles around my eyes and SMALL breasts! I think my breasts are what I hate the most, since guys around me seem to love big, even if it's fake, much better than small! Even at 22 I still get stupid comments about small breasts! Like I had a choice! Oh, I also hate my thin hair.I can't get over my insecurities, and seeing all these hot girls my ex compared me to and added randomly to Facebook only makes things worse, I swear I feel like crying sometimes when I see them. When I look in the mirror, I just see flaws. I want to be hot, I'm tired of just having a good personality and being smart and nice, I wish I was the whole package. But I know I never will be. I mean, the only thing I can change is my weight, other things are always gonna be there but I hate them, and I still can0t get over my ex so when I see these girls he thought were hotter I feel awful that I wasn't enough for him. What do I do? I just can't ignore any of this, these emotions are so strong! I hate that the world is so shallow and that women are supposed to be hot and pretty. You never see average women in the media. Men never fantasize about normal women. Why? Why was I so unlucky?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, coughcough  +, writes (20 November 2010):
 Believe it or not there are way too many women who don't feel beautiful because of the media and messed up perceptions of what beauty is. First off, the ex is an abusive jerk. When a man does things just to make you upset when he's mad it shows that he is a sadistic bully. You do not want or need a man like that in your life. Imagine what hed do to you when he's angry in a few years from now? The best thing to do is forget about him. Remind yourself that you DO deserve better than that. Telling you that other girls are hotter than you is emotionally abusive. Also, when you look in the mirror tell yourself you are beautiful. When a man truly loves you, in his eyes, you'll be the most beautiful girl in the world. Until then, focus on gaining confidence. Confidence is the most gorgeous thing anyone can have. Have you ever seen a really attractive guy with a lady who is definitely not the best looking or vice versus? Its because the less good looking person has confidence. When I was younger I had no self esteem. It took me years to realize that even though I'm not the smallest girl in the world, or even though my hair is frizzy unless I work like hell to fix it, or even though I have eyes that are so dark they're almost black, that I am beautiful. I have no problem getting a boyfriend because I've learned to love my own looks and everything about me. You should give it a try :)
A
female
reader, candus  +, writes (20 November 2010):
 girl i wouldnt even worry about that what somebody else dont like someone does you should be happy with yourself with flaws or no flaws just because those other girls seem pretty on the outside they may be awful on the inside and thats what counts how you treat a person beauty only lasts so long so look in the mirror and be proud hold your head up high you are who you are accept it and be happy
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 most women have some flaws. women with big breasts have one bigger than the other, suffer from back and neck pain. etc. etc.
you need to be happy with what youve got and get on with your life.
if you want to know how to get over this go and do some charity work in a disability center. when you see what some people put up with, you will stop whining and be real happy with what youve got.
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A
female
reader, ILoveCupid  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Insecurity comes from within.
If you feel good about yourself irrespective of what others say about you, you will appear very attractive regardless of your size and appearance.
I see a lot of couples - pretty girls with ugly guys, plain-looking / oversized women with apparently very loving and caring men - and I believe you just have to wait to meet the right guy for you, to feel appreciated and beautiful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): You are wrong about guys not wanting "normal" women, that's just not true. Unfortuantly for you your boyfriend was shallow and a complete jerk. Yes guys like HIM probably do go for the so called "hot" girls who have no real substance. The thing is any decent guy won't be like him and will see you are a beautiful girl. Guys like your ex will probably never have a meaningfull relationship because they're just going for the looks but not much else. He'll probably go from girl to girl and have a pretty hollow life with regards to relationships.If you feel like you need to lose weight then go ahead. I would go and see your doctor first to make sure it's safe then get advice on healthy eating and excercise. With regards to your breast size, do not worry about that. Most guys honestly don't care about the size they're just pleased to see a pair of boobs!You need to stop putting yourself down because even though you think these other girls are perfect i promise you they're not and are insecure themselves. Don't let one guy ruin your self image. Get a new hair cut, buy some new clothes. Maybe join some kind of club or get a new hobby. If you feel really low about this then i suggest a bit of councelling because i think that may help also. Don't spend so much time worrying about un-important things like your hair or breast size because it's such a waste of time.Be proud that you're at university and are being succesefull. Just when you least expect it a real, decent guy will find you and you WILL be happy. Keep your head up.
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A
female
reader, muffy +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Sugar,I know exactly how you feel.I like a guy right now and he's friends with a lot of prettier girls then me so I get very jealous.Sometimes I wanna cry when I see those prettier girls too.I have screwed up teeth and my complextion isn't very clear.I keep gaining weight and my smile sucks.The thing you have to remember though,is that you were made an individual.If your beautiful on the inside then your beautiful on the outside as well.Nobody is perfect.The chicks you see in magazines are all fake.Fake boobs,fake smiles,fake butts and all airbrushed.Wouldn't you rather be real then fake? I think everybody is beautiful.Inside and out.My ex did the same to me.He always looked at other women when he was with me and always talked to other pretty women on the internet.Truth is,the girls that our ex's talked to most likely only cared about thier looks.Loving someone is seeing an imperfect person perfectly.And as for having a big butt and big boobs,you should be happy that you don't.A lot of guys use girls for that.You don't wanna be used.So chin up and next time you look at yourself in the mirror,tell yourself your beautiful.Tell yourself that everyday and you'll start seeing it.One day a man will come along and see your beautiful on the inside and out.I hope everything works out for you dear.If you need anything just let me know.Love and kisses,Muffy33
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