A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my gf and i broke up and got back together but during our 30 day breakup she had sex 4-5 times with another coworker of mine. i have to see him 5 days a week. even though we WERE broken up and im the one that broke up with her to begin with, she knew how much i regretted breaking up with her and that i would love her no matter what. i guess she used this to her advantage because after her 2-3 week fling she had with this guy, she realized it wasnt what she wanted and got back with me. im happy when im with her and she does everything she can to make me feel secure and loved (offers to switch phones for the night, writes me notes, takes me out, buys me room furniture for my new place, and never talks to this guy anymore) but almost everyday i bring up what she did with this guy and i get so upset with her and question everything about their relationship they had. she says she knew what she did wasnt morally right or healthy and says she has really taken from this experience, and i know i wasnt the greatest boyfriend before i broke up with her, but im hoping this guy was just a rebound guy that she used to get over me and not something more. I really want things to work with this girl considering how much we have been through and how happy we once were, but my insecurities about her still liking him and only with me because shes "comfortable" and settled. i dont like feeling like shes settling for me and i just need some positive news to help me move forward with this relationship and stop looking back. i know i can make this work with her but i need some encouraging advice to help me forget the past and move on.
View related questions:
broke up, co-worker, got back together, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Your emotions are probably not gonna stop fighting you on this. You're trying to treasure her commitment to you when she's just thrown it out there to another guy for almost nothing. This not a recipe for a relationship to be saved.
Either accept it or break up with her. That's all you can do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe WERE broken up though. what should i do?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): What if you were living a few thousand years ago?
If all this happened, and then your GF gives birth to a kid in 6-9 months from now, then there would be a real chance that it was his kid and not yours. But it would still be your problem to raise & feed that child because you are with her again and it might still be yours.
Your emotions aren't screwing you, they're protecting you from somethig that used to be a very valid natural threat to any man in your position.
Not to mention the fact that if this other guy is still around you every day, then in generations past that usually meant he was still around her too. (even if its not true in the present) Which increases the odds that they might continue to screw each other behind your back. This is yet another reason for your emotional programming to be VERY dissatisfied with the spot you are in right now.
...............................
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (13 October 2009):
 I think you're having issues because you compare to what she did with that guy to what she is doing with you right now. You're got to realize that you broke up with her, and instead of sitting around devastated about the fact, she used the time to find out what you really meant to her. Now it might not have been right that she did this with a coworker of yours, but her experience with him made her realize just how good you were to her. She got rid of him and wanted you back. That speaks volumes.
Apparently she was so much not what she wanted that it made her remember how good you were to her. And she wanted you back so much that she asked for you even though you broke up with her. And now you say that she doesn't even talk to this guy anymore, and she treats you so well when you two are together. Those are the two signs that she is completely over him and back on track with you! This guy obviously isn't on her mind anymore, but just you are. And your happiness. And making you feel comfortable. Those are signs that she really does care for you.
I know it must be tough seeing that coworker every day, but you know what? You won. She chose you, not him. In fact she even chose you over him! Every time I see him, I'd have a big smirk on my face because you are the one that ended up with this great girlfriend. The way you should look at this entire situation that happened is that the fact that she found someone else that could have taken her affection made you appreciate her all the more. And it also made her appreciate you all the more, and it ultimately brought you two closer together. In no way should you be insecure about this, because you came out the victor. And her being comfortable is a good thing. She is comfortable with you and who you are, and that produces a great environment to be close to someone.
...............................
|
