A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Help pleaseI want to save our relationship from endingMe and my girlfriend have been together for over 2 years and 4 months and are considering marriage Right now we want a court wedding because of financial issuesBut recently today she thought I was starring at a girl in one of our college classesI know I wasn't but she absolutely believes I didI'm getting frustrated and tired about the way she acts She has always been so insecure and always thought that I was either cheating on her or wanting someone elseI love her to death but this attitude has to stop She is trying to use our marriage as a weapon to tell her the "truth" about everything or we won't get marriedI know I have lied about minor things But I never cheated on her and never look at anyone elseAnd she thinks it's ok to check out all the celebrity guys which gets me jealous because I know I'm not good looking and she calls me uglyWhat can I do to see the truthTo make her realize I only love her whether if I look at another girl or notPlease help!
View related questions:
insecure, jealous, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2011):
 Ok let me ask you this:
you have lied to her. so no matter what you say now she's supposed to believe you even though you've lied to her in the past?
she says you are ugly... I doubt you are ugly... why do you stay with a woman that says you are ugly?
when I started my current relationship it was NSA/FWB and the man said to me: you are not my type... i was NOT attractive to him.. I was something OLD to hit and quit...
guess what... a year later I'm the cat's meow to him. Pretty and desireable... and while I get that now I'm pretty to him because he loves me, I still can't shake the fact that at one time he so settled for me because "what guy would turn down free NSA sex???"
my point is... will you ever NOT wonder if she is lying if she ever finds you attractive?
she accuses you of cheating and yet you have not?
is the accusation and pain with that worth this relationship? what things do you get from the relationship that make up for this abuse?
she holds a marriage over your head? tell her the 'truth' or else you won't get married???
DON'T MARRY HER! seriously... do you think this behavior will end with marriage?
and to be honest, if you have never LOOKED at anyone else and noticed they were attractive even in passing you are a far better person that 99% of the humans out there.
I love my partner madly but when I see a good looking guy (or gal) I will look and I will notice.... granted at 51 my taste is a bit different than at 21... but still.. I'm married NOT dead... looking and even occasionally commenting is normal. ACTING on it is not normal. RANTING about it is not normal. OBESSING about it is not normal. LOOKING, GLANCING, casual admiriing is perfectl NORMAL.
You love her but you are frustrated and tired. and angry
so what is it you love?
and why does she think that a double standard is acceptable?
so tell me why you asked "what can I do to see the truth" which is very freudian in that you probably meant to say "what can I do to MAKE HER see the truth?" and the answer to that is NOTHING.
A
female
reader, synchrohobbit +, writes (29 November 2011):
 DO NOT GET MARRIED. Whatever else you do, this is the one important thing. I'm not saying never, I'm saying this relationship clearly needs a lot of discussion before you take such a legally binding step. It took me months to leave a relationship like this, with long lists of pros and cons, and I guarantee that although it would be emotionally difficult either way, it will be much easier without the certificate.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 November 2011):
 What "minor" things have you lied about? If you're talking about saying something like that a dress looks good when it doesn't, that's one thing. If you're talking about lying about your whereabouts, phone conversations, internet habits, that's quite another. The minor lies may have eaten away at her trust in you and caused her to be insecure.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): Gets some couples counselling. Plain and simple.
...............................
|
