A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been dating an indian muslim boy for over a year now and he has brought me to india as well to check whether the family can accept me, although almost every one likes me when we come back from india to the country we are working his brother says the society cannot accept me and a lot of problems will arise for their family and so marriage is not possible for me and him and so he decides to follow his family but after i talked to him and asked that we waited for another member of his family to help us he agrees but told me that be ready for he feels that our relationship will not push through and so i asked him just let the relationship grow now and never talked that family problem again but he says that he cannot, he dont have a job for six months now too and i felt that he had changed his attitude towards me and i kept calling him and asking him to see me and so last night he told me that he is seriously needing peace and time for himself and he needs time to be alone, that he dont want any headache and he dont want to think about anything anymore. What shall I do now? I love him so much but Im scared that if i give him total space he might leave me totally. Im a christian female. I cant sleep and eat and my work is affected because im always thinking about him.
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male
reader, uffyehnaam  +, writes (27 November 2009):
My dear,
It is a sticky situation. You do not want to lose that guy and he doesn't care for you.
Coming from India, I know what is the person upto. He is playing with you, he has absolutely no intent of marrying you. If it were not so, he could have introduced you to his family. You should not be surprised to see all in his family are hale and hearty. Think about it - why will he marry you? He will get a wife who will do everything that he asks for and most of all girl's family will pressurize her to accept all of her husband's demands. Then, if you are not a muslim, your kids will not be as muslim as a typical Indian conservative muslim. That is what he means when he says - you will not be able to adjust in Indian society. Suggest him any Indian muslim girl and you will see your true love's true colors.
My cousin married a white girl from midwest, she was able to adjust well. They live in Mumbai. He introduced her to his family, mom made a little fuss, brothers (cousins are considered brother too) were silent. My reaction was that - he is true to his relationship. Let us see. It is ok for him to get married. I met girl twice, it was bizzare experience for her. She was decked second time in Indian dress for some of our relatives came to visit our place to see her. She sipped beer in Sari - now that is total no-no in Indian society. A lady whispered in her ears that it is not acceptable. In nutshell, she was as familiar to Indian culture as much as average American knows location of Nepal. But still she could do what they wanted to do.
What I am telling is that the guy is right, relationship won't last. But not because you cannot handle, but because he doesn't want you.
if you want to make fireworks in his life, get his address in India and crash in one day (no call). Neighbours will make up for rest of the stuff you cannot even imagine! Trust me it will be a worthy return.
A
female
reader, Orissa  +, writes (14 May 2009):
Hi, trust me you just have to let it go. If he doesn't love you enough to choose you or fight for you or even just to find a middle solution where 'perhaps' you can both try to compromise and please both his family and sustain your relationship, then he doesn't love you enough. I have been in the same situation as yourself, and I had to just let it go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): hi guys, im really really depressed i dont know waht to do his family is not really accepting me (i mean not the entire family but his brother because his mother is dead and his father is sick so the eldest brother is the one taking a decision now). If you have any solution for our relationship to work or any solution to make his brother understand us. He is telling he is going to loose the respect of the society if we get married. He also tells that i cannot adjust to live in india.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): hi guys im really really depressed i dont know waht to do his family is not really accepting me (i mean not the entire family but his brother because his mother is dead ans his father is sick so the eldest brother is the one taking a decision now). If you have any solution for our relationship to work or any solution to make his brother understand us. He is telling he is going to loose the respect of the society if we get married. He also tells that i cannot adjust to live in india.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 December 2008):
 Cultural differences are important. We might make serious mistakes if we ignored them. However, I think that in any culture there comes a time when parents or family should not be the most important factor for you to decide something. If he likes you, but then he won't marry you because his family doesn't approve, then, I say, leave him. Suppose you managed to marry; what else will his family NOT approve? What way can you go from there? If his family does not approve contraception, say, will you have nine children?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): Dear,
I am sorry to say things may not work out.Please make yourself strong and move on.Please do PM me if you want to know more about our culture.
Hugs,Bugs
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