A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help! me and my husband have been married for 3 years now and we have dated for 9. everything was fine until we got married and had a baby then they started to controll everything even him! they would tell him to tell me things that aren't nessicary, they would even tell him lies that he still to this day believes are true about i did this, i said that etc. they are trying to break us up! I am treated like i am not and never will be part of ther family. they cant stand how i raise our children, and mostly because I do not let them have sweets(only on occasion) and they go to bed at 7:30 and everything in between. They had threatend to call dept. of human services on me because they said i starved my child. all because my babies habbits as well as mine are alot healthier then what they provide for their children.every holliday as soon as my husband is out of sight (which i try to keep to a minnimal) they are making smart remarks to or toward me. I used to tell my husband about thier behavior, but he never believed me or i would get remarks like "thats just how they are" or "ill take care of it" we would get intio so many fights. The biggest fights are always about his parents! He would tell me that he talked to them ( iknow he didnt) he also has told me that " It's 50% you" he is always SO quick to accuse and verbally abuse me when he hears something but he will NEVER and has NEVER stood up for me not even behind my back like he claims! he is always searching for thier praise and forgets about me!I understand that they are his parents but how can he let them treat me like that just because we got married! yes i will admit now 3 years later i do go back at them but if you had to deal with is for three years and counting wouldnt you? How do I controll myself around these people who disrespect me especailly when my husband never stands up for me and always says how it is me? like i said now i am not completly innocent i did say a smart remark to them when they were here and my husband totally blew up on me. I AM JELOUSE of the fact that my husband will stand up for them the ONE time i ever opened my mouth...but he has never stood up for me. he has never let us leave the situation either, he is afraid to make his parents angry at him.he tells me now if he HEARS (which he never will) them call me names or make remarks to me he will take care of it...but he also tells me all the time that he tells me things "just to make me happy" is that right? am i wrong to feel so much hatred toward his parents who are LITTERALLY DESTROYING our marriage? I am now at the point where i want to reatalliate because they put me through hell and my hsuband dont care and he knows (but wont admit) that they started it and they have been the ones dishing it out. But yet he still believes ( other than the fact that i married him that i had somthing to do with this! Why shouldnt i begin to retalliate...he thinks and beleives i had been all this time anyways???to make things worse his parents Were and are terrrible parents to him in the begining. he even says they favor his brother, they have been out of his life since we got married ( they blame it on me but i didnt start anything nor did i instagate anyting up until two nights ago i made a sarcastic remark) they have not been in our kids life either! they tell my husband that it is because of the way i treat them and he has ALWAYS believed it and gets mad at me. but honestly, there is no excuse in the world to not see your grand kids for months on end when you live 5 min away.it has been so stressfull for me to even be in the same room with people who persuae my husband into believing lies for years...i just sit and not say anything, and i always get yelled at for that too. i cant win when will he realize and admit that they are wrong.He is going to loose me pretty soon if things between us dont change...then he will know agter its too late that his parents will ALWAYS be there (even if they are distant) but I am ready to walk...and not come back if things dont change.i want him to know what they caused me, i want him to know the TRUTH about who said what, I want him to know how he made me feel always saying i had just as much to do with it when all it was is his mom feeding him crap, i want him to know how close i am to giving up sitting back with my mouth shut and letting him let them walk all over us. i want him to know that if things dont change that the comment i made is only the begining, i cant be walked all over. if he wont stand up for me and i dont mean just saying he will, then i will stand up for myself.by the way the comment i made that he flipped out about was that when my 1st baby was born she was the one they threatend to call dhs on me because i was "starving" her and when they were over at our house my husband had to catch them up on our son who they have barely seen his whole life and he said he was in the 1 percentile for weight (he has kidney problems that stunt the growth) and i said sarcastically "dont tell them that they will call dhs on us" that is all i said but i cant help it anyomre if he is just going to think that its my fault then why not let some anger out and say what i think. its the only time i ever got up enough courage to say any remark!!!i just want to know i have a husband that will stand up for and protect me...not just talk about it! help me please what do i do? how do i forget all the problems it has caused? 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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Mannini +, writes (28 July 2010):
Sounds like we should start a support group. I am in a situation that is somewhat the same. My inlaws are ruining my marriage too. Wouldn't you think that these people should care about their sons happiness. I wish I could give you some great advice, but in truth, I need help myself. Maybe we should talk sometime. We can support each other. I truly hope things work out for you.
A
male
reader, damsel  +, writes (23 December 2008):
Sounds a bit like me only its the FIL. i told em to bog off and leave us alone as sick of hubby being a doormat. My hubby admitteds he felt 'free' and happier after me telling them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Well, it sounds a lot like what I am going through. My husband was just like yours. I fought with him day in and day out. I had him read a book on how to be a good husband. The book taught him that my kids and I are his number one family and that everyone else is second. I always remind him that when he gets old and he needs someone to wipe his behind... it will be me, not his mother, not his father and not his siblings. We went to couples therapy and quite frankly it finally clicked for him when I told him I needed my space and that if he needed his parents and siblings so much maybe he should move in with them.
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Honestly, I'd leave. Your husband will ALWAYS side with them - he's even told you as much by saying he tells you things to keep you happy. Leave this moron, and get the number for CPS so that when they threaten you again, you can offer them the number - you're doing nothing wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): Talk to your husband about your feelings and needs and if he does not understand or does not do what you require of him, opt for a separation.
You may have to leave alone and be away from your children or if you are lucky , you can take the children with you.
Before you leave, you will have to prepare for this war. Take the bull by it's horn and wrestled back your control over your family.
Get a job or have friends or relatives who can help you out during this time.You will need financial and moral support if you want to win this war . A period away from them would make them rethink about their actions .
Do not be too hasty with a divorce yet. Treat it like a trial separations to find where you stand or your feelings about your marriage.
If they want you back or you both can reconcile, it will have to be on your terms. Otherwise, move on and start a new life.
Good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (12 October 2008):
 leave this horrible situation, take the kids and see if any changes occur. they probably wont though. good luckif i felt as under attack as you clearly do i would not stay
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): I think you are talking about my mother in law. I was married for fifteen years and she made my life a living hell. She too would secretly dig at me when my husband was out of the room. She would make very personal remarks about my body and snidy comments all the time. After a few years I too turned and gave as good back. This obviously went down like a lead balloon and my husband turned against me. I refused to let the woman in my home and to see her grandchild because of her behaviour. I am not proud of this but i took years and years of verbal abuse. Well done to standing up to them. Get them to call the DHS, let them all come and see - you are doing nothing wrong. Remember though your husband will always side with his parents whatever they do or say. This broke up our marriage so be careful if you still love your husband, don't let them win by losing him!.
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