A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I desperately need help for something that's gotten out of hand.I am a total hypochondriac and always assume the worst when it comes to health issues. The last year has been particularly bad. I thought I had breast cancer (turned out to be a harmless lump), thought my father had prostrate cancer (he didn't), when his cough wouldn't go i thought he had lung cancer(he didn't) and now that he's got a sore throat again, I've been driving myself md reading up on throat cancer. I hurt myself while exercising and when my legs hurt i thought what if i have bone cancer? (I don't, the x-ray was fine)I know many of you will probably laugh on reading my post... rational me would have laughed at this absurdity a few years ago... But i dont know what's happening to me. I can't live like this! I worry myself sick about my health, my child's health, my parents' health and my husband's health. Anything that happens to anybody, i worry if they have cancer... To the extent i cant focus on anything normally. No one knows about this insanity because i haven't told my family this... They do know I'm a very nervous person but they don't know the extent of this madness Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2019): Hi I'm the poster.
To answer some of your questions, my mother had stage 1 endometrial cancer 5 years ago and was successfully treated with just surgery. There was no need for chemotherapy because the cancer hadn't spread thankfully.
I have never been the caregiver of anyone who's been terminally ill.
It's absolutely correct that i misuse my access to the internet and whenever anyone is remotely sick, i read up on the worst care scenarios. My phobia regarding losing a loved one to cancer is so strong that i cant even bear to look at a hospital while crossing one, or a billboard which has something related to cancer written on it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2019): Hi ,
I am sorry that you are going through that.
Have you ever cared someone who were terminally sick?
My mom had cancer . I was only one who was taking care of her.
Her treatment was long and painful. Now she is done with treatment and cancer free. I HAVE BAD FEAR OF RECURRENCE OF CANCER.
I started to see therapist. It helped a lot. Still some time i have same fear but not the way it used to be .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2019): Here's the greatest reason you intensify your hypochondria and anxiety. Like many of us, we have way too much access to the internet; and you admit your anxiety-issues, so reading too much information is going to send you into hysterics. It's good to see you feel some humor about it, there's still hope!
The remedy? let the doctor diagnose your medical problems. Health-awareness is a good thing. You take it too far! You also create fear and worry in other people. It's time you got a grip on yourself! Don't become a menace to yourself or others!
You have a strong sense of pessimism; because you seem to have an unhealthy fear and frustration with the reality and finality of death.
Everyone is going to die when their time comes. Losing a loved-one is inevitable; because the cycle of life begins and it ends. If there is a loved-one whose death you have been unable to reach closure over, you might need to seek bereavement-counseling. It also helps to visit their grave site and resting place; to express your private-thoughts, purge your grief, and sort-out your feelings. Just between you and your loved-one at their place of rest. Cry, and talk to them like they can hear you. Once you've vented; all that you've been unable to say, will have been said. Forgive yourself for things you've said and done you cannot take back. God forgives us! We confess our hearts to Him to relieve guilt, frustration, and anger.
Unbelievers in an afterlife have a grimmer outlook; or have more of a fear of death as nothingness and eternal-darkness. They don't believe in a soul or lifeforce; and they prefer to think that we just cease to exist. My argument is their same argument against them. PROVE IT!!!
There is a Higher Intelligence than mankind, and we only know of one plain of existence. All we can do is deny what we can't prove. That's what faith is about! Without faith or hope; you're sorrowful, depressed, pessimistic, scared, and you dive into despair. It's good to be intellectual and scientific; it's better to have an open-mind, and to consider all possibilities. We're not forced to believe anything, God doesn't want skin-puppets. He wants us to believe out of love.
It's so much more comforting believing in God, and the gift of eternal-life. Knowing we're wearing a borrowed skinsuit, and just passing through this plain of existence. This isn't all there is. God keeps good-people to Himself forever and ever. Sorry for the unbelievers, they may be right about darkness forever. It's great to have the choice to believe, and faith delivers proof. Faith that the Holy Spirit places in the heart and spirit of the believer; so we can handle the inevitable completion of the cycle of life. I've lost my parents, and three sisters. They are with their Lord now! I will survive until my time comes. I take good care of myself, and I pray a lot. Good results thus far! Thank God!
Sickness is also inevitable. We are biological-units that deteriorate with time. We are susceptible to microorganisms; that infect and invade the body, and our immune system. We survive most of them. Life brings calamity, injury, and mayhem. We live the average of 75-88 years of age, and will live through infections we never knew we had. We may get chronic-diseases, and still survive! God has given science tremendous knowledge; antibiotics, medications, uncanny instruments, and surgical-procedures that boggle the mind! You don't live in an impoverished third-world country; just one that might not offer affordable-healthcare to everyone who needs it. That might cause some angst and concern! In God's hands, we'll survive!
You have to break the habit of self-diagnosis. You need to seek professional counseling for anxiety. If you take breaks off the internet for days at a time, you will get your mind off a constant feed of medical-information that you don't need! You will always see a string of symptoms your mind will convince you that match your own! You tend to obsess; so you have an addiction to drama and morbidity. If you grew-up exposed to faith and worship; you need to feed your spirit with worship and prayer. If you are an unbeliever, then you will have to rely on whatever humankind can offer you. Man is limited, but God is omnipotent. Take your pick! It's nice having a choice! Social media and internet fills us with disinformation, fear, doubt, and cynicism. Give yourself a break from it. Look-up happy things and affirmations of peace and goodwill.
Have a joyful and safe Holiday Season!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2019): This is a type of OCD. See if you can access a CBT therapist. It is a very effective treatment for these kinds of intrusive thoughts.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 December 2019):
 Anxiety like yours usually starts for a "reason" - e.g. someone close to you dies unexpectedly or you read about someone very young dying due to an illness (in your case, probably cancer). This stays in your mind and slowly grows until it becomes an obsession and takes over your everyday life. Did something happen a while back which unsettled you at the time and stayed on your mind?
I had a work colleague years ago who was a bit like you. She had a bad headache once and convinced herself she had a brain tumour. She went through a phase of being very hungry and convinced herself she had a tapeworm. All these things seemed ridiculous to outsiders but were very real fears to her. In her case the anxieties started when she lost her father. She was a single mother and terrified of leaving her daughter.
I know it is far easier said than done, but you need to learn to put your thoughts into perspective. Cancer is only one of many many many possible things which can cause symptoms such as a lump, or a sort throat, or a cough. While it is not impossible that cancer may be involved, it is far more likely to be something far less sinister. There is nothing wrong with getting yourself or others checked out to rule out cancer but, if the worry of the possibility of it being this cruel disease haunts you at every cough and sneeze, then you must be exhausted.
Perhaps learning about the causes of cancer and living as healthy a lifestyle as possible will help you feel a bit more in control?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2019): I have read your post twice and I'm not laughing.
You suffer from anxiety and it CAN be treated. Have you tried cognitive behavioral therapy an/or mindfulness techniques? They can do wonders for anxiety and obsessive thoughts.
The thing is, we are all going to die. Some sooner, some later. We are not worried about dying eventually, but avoiding dying for the longest possible time. We believe that we have control over it.
We do (up to a point) and we don't.
You can eat healthily, exercise regularly, manage stress... and still get cancer.
You can also smoke, eat garbage, spend days on end on your couch and live to be 100.
The thing is, it's not about dying, it's about living the best possible lives while we can.
When people mock my lifestyle, thinking (and being wrong) that I'm trying to live forever, I just smile, because they are projecting their ideas and fears on me. What I am trying to do is do what I can to keep my body out of the way,by respecting its needs. And basically, that is all we can do, the little control we have is about acting upon the information we have at the moment, not upon what might happen in the future.
This where the anxiety starts.
Sickness is about change for everyone, people who are sick and the people who care for them.
Since I grew up in a somewhat unusual circumstances, at a very young age I picked up a "bad habit" of putting myself second and caring about everybody around me. I can deal with my own aging body, BUT I need to invest a lot of consciously directed energy into not obsessing over the well-being of my loved ones - my mom, my husband, my family pets...
Thoughts are not TRUTHS. They come and go. Do not linger on them. When they come, just distract yourself, at first and later on you can learn how to just be in their presence without freaking out.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 December 2019):
 I noticed your age, and that's very common to "feel your own mortality" when the aches and pains of entering middle age set in. And, you have loved ones you're awakening to the fact that nothing in this world lasts forever.
As we all know, the two things that are inevitable in this world are death and taxes. We were all dying slowly the moment we were born, and everyone has that appointment to keep, though most of us have no idea when our time is up.
You need to learn some coping skills, because like the others have said, anxiety unchecked can lead to nervous breakdown, and oftentimes the fear of something is far worse than the something itself.
If you have a trusted mentor, or have time to see a professional counselor or life coach, that would be time very well spent for you. Your thought process is in need of a reboot, and since we fight against genetics, nature AND nurture when it comes to dealing with anxiety, it's not a quick "A-HA!" fix, but rather a systematic re-learning of the reaction to people being sick. If you skew negative, you have to talk out WHY you are like that and work on re-tooling into a more positive-minded individual.
Example: You had a breast cancer scare. Luckily, it wasn't, but instead of freaking out, look at it in terms of self-education and improvement. You know more about your condition than you used to, and you may have a friend who has a similar lump and can now help HER in calming down and looking at other options.
I just recently found out that my best friend, who had developed a rash and serious itching, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Her reaction to the news was nothing short of astounding. She's been doing things that she's put off for years, and living her non-chemo days right to the hilt. Every time I talk to her, she has something to say about the beauty of the earth, or how much fun she had talking in the car with friends on her way to an appointment. I'm going to really miss her (she's diagnosed with a year left approximately, but I think it'll be longer), but her positivity in the face of the disease is astounding and I will forever admire her for that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2019): It is normal to worry about your loved ones but if you feel it has gotten out of hand it's time to talk to the doctor and ask for some therapy so that you can develop coping mechanisms.In this fast paced world where everyone wants a perfect life and sees or hears about the troubles of other ordinary humans, you often can't avoid feeling anxious.The problem is that anxiety can become debilitating.Knowing that anxiety can't change anything and feeling that it has grown over you like a rampant ivy in a tidy garden may be the incentive you need to do a bit of 'thought pruning'!But personally I think you are just proactive about the occurrence of cancer and there is nothing wrong with getting a problem area tested and finding a happy outcome.If you refrain from testing you are more likely to find out about this disease a bit too late to be able to appropriately treat it.Maybe you should just try not to assume the worst.Some people treat cancer like an everyday thing and to a great extent I think it always existed but we had no way of accurately knowing what it was.In the past the person felt poorly and got weak and ill and passed away.Now we have all sorts of early warning kits and you can be on a permanent cycle of testing for your blood, your bones, your digestion, your sight, your brain,your reproductive system.Getting a man to agree to prostate testing is a feat in itself so I think you should congratulate yourself on your ability to keep people on top of their testing routines.However, I wonder why you see yourself in a negative light and that could need some exploring.But again, you could just switch the dial and decide that being vigilant does not mean you are a hyprochondriac.If you are ill and you want to dream up your funeral you are perfectly entitled to, but realistically no one will listen or take any notice unless you succumb to death and have left a will.To some this is just natural. To others it's a taboo conversation.Try to counter every negative thought with a mindblowing positive.Such as if all goes well politically, financial, materially etc then we will all take a holiday or have a party or a barbeque.For every negative thought there is always a positive thought lurking in the corner so you just need to train your mind to access positive thoughts.The start of a chain of positive thoughts could lead you into a happier life with very few material changes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2019): It is normal to worry about your loved ones but if you feel it has gotten out of hand it's time to talk to the doctor and ask for some therapy so that you can develop coping mechanisms.In this fast paced world where everyone wants a perfect life and sees or hears about the troubles of other ordinary humans, you often can't avoid feeling anxious.The problem is that anxiety can become debilitating.Knowing that anxiety can't change anything and feeling that it has grown over you like a rampant ivy in a tidy garden may be the incentive you need to do a bit of 'thought pruning'!But personally I think you are just proactive about the occurrence of cancer and there is nothing wrong with getting a problem area tested and finding a happy outcome.If you refrain from testing you are more likely to find out about this disease a bit too late to be able to appropriately treat it.Maybe you should just try not to assume the worst.Some people treat cancer like an everyday thing and to a great extent I think it always existed but we had no way of accurately knowing what it was.In the past the person felt poorly and got weak and ill and passed away.Now we have all sorts of early warning kits and you can be on a permanent cycle of testing for your blood, your bones, your digestion, your sight, your brain,your reproductive system.Getting a man to agree to prostate testing is a feat in itself so I think you should congratulate yourself on your ability to keep people on top of their testing routines.However, I wonder why you see yourself in a negative light and that could need some exploring.But again, you could just switch the dial and decide that being vigilant does not mean you are a hyprochondriac.If you are ill and you want to dream up your funeral you are perfectly entitled to, but realistically no one will listen or take any notice unless you succumb to death and have left a will.To some this is just natural. To others it's a taboo conversation.Try to counter every negative thought with a mindblowing positive.Such as if all goes well politically, financial, materially etc then we will all take a holiday or have a party or a barbeque.For every negative thought there is always a positive thought lurking in the corner so you just need to train your mind to access positive thoughts.The start of a chain of positive thoughts could lead you into a happier life with very few material changes.
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