A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband has started becoming obsessed with eating and drinking to the exclusion of everything else (excluding personal hygiene matters).He's spending time with a new group of friends who like to go round the city and eat at all the restaurants being "restuarant critics".I feel neglected, and have told him so, but he insists this new hobby of his is good.I could go out with my girlfriends boozing and all-day drinking, but two wrongs don't make a right, so I won't.I've told him this is affecting our relationship, but he's insistent it's good for us.I barely see him since he works 9am to 7pm, then goes straight out with these new set of friends.I've never met them, but my husband seems reluctant to let me.What can I do? It feels like food and drink is more important to him than our relationship. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lani702 +, writes (1 May 2009):
 I had a friend who became a very bitter golf widow and she complained that she would take up a hobby and never be home either and he can see how he feels about that! Until a wise person said, "Why don't you just take up golf as your hobby?". Bam, lightning flash, aha moment, whatever, they began golfing together and their relationship, not to mention their handicap, has never been better.
So along the same vein...WHY DON'T YOU GO WITH HIM??? If he loves this SO much to the exclusion of everything else...why can't you go be a restaurant critic, too?
My advice, go with him. Insist on it. It's something he loves, apparently. Share it with him. And then when you do go, enjoy yourself. Make it enjoyable for your husband that you are there. Become a part of the group. Be a fabulous critic, whatever.
HOWEVER...if he emphatically does not want you to go...then that is a serious problem. See what he says first and update us!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (30 April 2009):
I would have said that this new group of friends could be another woman... but if his personal hygene has gone down the pan, then they have to be men. Yuck!
You need to talk to him about this again and ask him HOW is it is good for the relationship when it's making you unhappy.
I think a compromise could be reached pretty easily here if you take strong hand. Tell him that he can go out with his friends 3 night a week but the other 4 should be spent with you and that you want to go out on one of these critic nights so you can meet his friends. After that he is free to go off when ever he wants.
After that, you SHOULD go out with your girlfriends.
As long as you two are going out and having fun then letting him have this hobby shouldn't be a problem.
Also there is never any harm in saying "darling I love you but you stink. GET IN THE SHOWER and brush your teeth. I'm not your mother, why am I having to ask!?!?"
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, auntsallyhelpsU +, writes (30 April 2009):
 Say to your husband that you would also love to join in the dining out and what a great idea it is to have such a lovely hobby together. Get ready and go with him. Take a book and pen and jot down every little bit of information about the meal.Then you can judge more about what he is up to. Don't nag him indulge him you never no it might be something you enjoy.
...............................
|
