| A
age
51-59,
*
writes: My husband of 19 years seems to be going through a mid-life crisis. How do I get him to stop thinking he would like to cheat and come back to me? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): I've been in his shoes. I got married when I was 19 so there were alot of things I was still curious about as far as sex with another woman. When I say woman I mean over 30 years old. I had sex with other women before I was married but they were all around my age back then. I know this is hard for you to understand but at least he is talking to you about it and nt acting on it. After hours and hours of my wife and I talking about this we found a mutual friend that agreed to have sex with me. Problem solved, curiosity over,our marriage is going on 23 years now. That may be more than your willing to handle but it absolutely worked for us. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): I don't think you can make anyone "stop" thinking about anything, you can only really control how yourself.
How exactly is the crisis manifesting itself? It sounds like he's seperated from you. Is he actively debating seeing other women or is this a hypothetical fear on your part?
If he's just seperated, I would let him have his alone time. I might even consider spending time with other men in his absence. There is nothing like competition & a little jealousy to tighten the slack in a relationship.
If he is actively debating seeing other women, not only would I start dating other men, I would also start filing for divorce. At that point, he is making it clear he has no intention to commit to you.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): Your husband apparently doesn't know what he will miss if he jeopardizes the relationship he has with you. He only wants something different because he doesn't see the beauty in front of his face. You are his teacher and must teach him through living your life fully and not through worry about his lack of interest or concern over his fantasy of finding a perfect cheating partner. People usually don't see what others force them to see through telling them, begging, whining, crying, threatening etc. I am not saying that you are displaying any of these behaviors but rather that he will only see the value of the relationship he has with you when he figures it out on his own. No one can ever convince another person to love and value them. Being a convincer doesn't work. Live and enjoy your life. Stay calm and do things that interest and excite you. Become involved in your life instead of sitting on the sidelines waiting to see what he will do next. You can turn your own life around once you truly see your value. Once you see your value, he will likely see it too.
...............................
A
female
reader, JDinCali  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 Time to take a vacation! Do something you normally wouldn't do. How about a safari in Africa, the Amazon...whatever you think would be thrilling and amazing to stir up those intimate desires again.
Try to get him to remember why you married and all those wonderful moments that got you to where you are. Ask him what he'd like fix and help him achieve his goals. Changing up routines is always a good thing.
Hope things get better.
...............................
A
female
reader, Merilee  +, writes (19 February 2011):
In all honesty you cant. He is his own person. You can tell him that if he does it will be unforgivable, and you will be gone.You can try, if youre willing, to be the person that he thinks hes looking for. What is he looking for ? More attention, exciting sex, new surroundings.Until you actualy know the "why", I dont think youll be able to truly get into his head to attempt to fix it.
...............................
|
