A
female
age
51-59,
*sdo
writes:I have found that I am the one in our marriage who says abut having sex. my husband will only say once every blue moon, do you want abit tonight otherwise it is me who says about having it.we are both in our 5Os and we have it 3 times a week but only because I suggest it. I have lied in bed with my husband and he will touch me but will not mention sex. I dress up for him and give him oral and get on top so whats wrong with me. he as a job where he is driving a lot but some places he as to go are not to far away and on a Monday he is at home making his appoinments for the week so he is not always on the road.he as abit of a belly on him so is a little over weight but we take walks a couple of times a week for exercise. I told him I don't want to go to bed and just read a book and have no sex because I did not sign up for that. he as told me he finds me sexy and he said he is always touching me and doesn't that show me by touching me that he wants sex with me. in my eyes it doesn't and it might just mean he wants to be next to me and touch me a little but that's all. I have to tell him to touch me sometimes which I hate having to do. I want him to touch me more down below and touch my breast more. he as been with 5 other women before we met so as some experience.he said if he asked for sex and I did not want it then I might feel I have to do it to please him but I said I would tell him if I was to tired for it. I just want him to be more assertive and show me he wants me physically and feel that i am sexy and not ugly which is what I truly feel I am that is why he doesn't say about sex. I want him to say are we having it instead of always me having to say it. I was thinking I should not mention about having it anymore and see how often he asks me for it. in the past he as looked a porn sites and it does cross my mind that he is thinking of them and not me and how beautiful they are and great at sex they are. I think it is not real sites like that and the real women are the ones you see everyday at the shops and looking after kids etc but he might not. he did once tell me he was fascinated with one of the porn stars bodies so can you imagine what that done to me and made me feel like.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2021): It sounds to me like you are making a problem where one doesn't exist! Your husband finds you sexy, and you have a lot of sex. You mainly want him to initiate. Maybe he was raised not to be pushy, so he is happier if you ask for sex?
This probably wouldn't do it for you, but I think many men would get the hint if you got yourself turned on before bed, and moved his hand down to your wet area.
Barring the above, probably the only thing you can do is tell him again very clearly that this is important to you, and you want him to initiate sex more often.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 March 2021):
 You strike me as having a very "male" attitude towards sex. By that I mean that women usually need to feel loved to want sex while men tend to need sex to feel loved. You have the latter outlook. Despite having a husband who is respectful, hardworking, loving and attentive, you don't feel loved because he does not jump on you every opportunity he gets.
For a couple in their 50s, having sex 3 times a week does not sound like you are going short or being neglected. Why are you so insecure?
I do find it puzzling that you seem to think there is only one way of initiating sex - and that is by asking for it verbally. When your husband touches you and strokes you in bed, why not just take it from there and respond? Kiss him and see how he responds. I would have thought that would be the perfect way to initiate sex.
We are all different and I have to say I would find an outright "do you fancy it tonight?" a complete turn-off. Perhaps your husband does as well?
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