A
female
age
30-35,
*cesangel811
writes:So this is my story. I hate my husbands best female friend. I dont know what to do i need advise since he refuses to get rid of either one. How do i accept this or do i just let go of him? she use to be my friend when we were kids. But when i was 17 and got pregnant I desided to let go of ppl that did drugs and partied... I didn't need that in my life it was time to grow up. Well when I started talking to my husband again after five years I tolorated her and was civil cuz he lived with her... at this time I was not ready to date him. He was a stoner smoked all the time and I had my daughter even though she lived with her dad at the time... he quit smoking pot at the time was to show me he was serious bout me... today u ask him that's not the case. Anyway longstory short after we got married and pregnant he quit talking to her and was still off drugs now two years later he's back to talking to her all the time and smoking pot... but to him pot is not a drug and as far as she goes he sees nothing wrong with her... she's 25 and has nothing to show for it. She's a stoner and pregnant and lives at home with bf parents. She use to be the smartest person I knew now she's stupified... what in the world do I do I want her n the drugs gone. I never saw me living a life like this. Everytime he talks to her or hangs with her it makes me sick to my stomach and very upset
View related questions:
drugs, lives at home Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 March 2013):
Normally I'm against ultimatums because he could easily say "you're the one that is walking away over a girl," but in this case it's about something that's not at all unreasonable. Maybe he'll see the light once you tell him you're leaving.
A
female
reader, acesangel811 +, writes (6 March 2013):
acesangel811 is verified as being by the original poster of the question then... then i have to let it go... i have to walk away... atleast i know i've tried everything i possible can think of to better or relationship, if hes willing to give up his family for one friend tht shows a lot. and i see where his heart really is...
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 March 2013):
 well wait, if he asked you to give up friends and you did then yes you have every right to ask him to give her up.
he may say no
then what?
...............................
A
female
reader, acesangel811 +, writes (6 March 2013):
acesangel811 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advise keep it coming... I am still very unsure of what i want to do or need to do because i love him deeply but just cant stand the thought of drugs in my family or this person... She is not good news i've known her for 15 years she hooks up with anything with a P*&^& and has tried to hook up with my husband before. Why should i allow her to stay in our lives. I had to get rid of alot of people in my life for him out of respect. old friends i had a fling with or old boyfriends who were friends yadeedada... its easy to say get over it but how do i do that... i cant just wake up one day and say hey i'm over it... i wish it worked that way.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 March 2013):
I get the whole smoking pot if it's available... and why you think he wold be better off away from the friend but seriously you can't control him or her or their friendship.
IF you do not like how he is behaving , then you have to make a choice.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): My prospective is slightly different from the rest, I'm a mental health nurse and I can understand where your coming from.People who have any kind of addiction may it be alcohol, drugs, food, need to self help at the beginning with what they are doing ( their behaviour) however people are very much influenced by others around them, like your husband friend, she justifies his drug habit.. When working with alcoholics our advice is, that they must not just abstain from any alcohol as one drop would have them back on the wagon.. But they must also abstain from any other friends family colleagues etc who also have encouraged this behaviour.. This is a whole environmental, emotional change.. They have to want to change and then sacrifice the relationships that encourage this behaviour.So I rightly agree he needs to stop seeing her, he needs professional health promotion and counselling .. But what he needs to do and what he wants to do are two different things.You have to work out, can you continue down this route, he he will not change his behaviour ? If the answer is no.. Then get out now.. Give him an option his family and you or his friend and drugs and let him choose . Once you have the answer you can rebuild your life with or without him..Be strong, chin up, walk tall.. Your doing the right thing for you and your family.. He made a commitment to you when he said ' I do ' you have a right to ask him to sort himself out, if he doesn't/won't you have the right to walk away .. Keep us updated sweetie..
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 March 2013):
Yeah, I agree with the first comment. This chick is none of your business whatsoever. She has no obligation to behave a certain way. Either does your husband for that matter. He's a free man, and if he wants to be hanging out at their house that's his choice.
BUT, you are a free woman. If he's not behaving in a way that you think is appropriate for your husband, than you have a couple of things you can do about it.
First, you need to be honest with him about your concerns. Judging and name calling won't help make your point (either of him or her). You need to simply state that this type of behavior isn't how you want your husband to behave. Had you known this is how he was you wouldn't have married him. Don't argue with him, just get your point across and tell him what you expect of him.
If that doesn't change then you have to escalate things: you have to be prepared to leave him or accept him. If you can't imagine leaving him, then accept that there are parts of his life that you don't care for, but as a whole you love him and want to be happy with him. If you can't accept it you won't be happy.
If you are prepared to leave him then get your things in order and tell him you gave him a chance and you want him out of the house within a reasonable amount of time. A number of things could happen here. He could apologize and tell you he'll do whatever it takes to make things right. He could leave and then decide he's happier with you even if he has to stop smoking weed with her. Or he could leave and never come back. In that case you obviously aren't compatible and it's just time to move on.
No matter what you do, being pissed at him for eternity isn't going to work.
...............................
|
