A
female
age
41-50,
*ookiemon77
writes:My husband had told me that some of his fathers friends were stopping by because they were driving up from Florida to Ny and they were stopping through. I had never met these people but it turned out they were actually staying at our house. No problem. The deal is that when I got home I found this lady that I had never met cooking in my kitchen. I am very stickler about my kitchen and having anybody cook in it. Specially someone I had never met. I wish my husban would have at least called me to tell me she was cooking. I wish he would not make it a habit of letting other people in my kitchen when he know it ticks me off. This has happend before, when his son first came to visit and I was just meeting him as well. I found him in my kitchen again cooking and going through my cuboards. I really can't stand it. What should I do? What should I tell him? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (23 December 2011):
 Tell him if he can't get them to leave soon you'll invite your mother to come live with you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 December 2011):
 Do these people leave a mess for you to clean up? Do they use ingredients you planned to use to make dinner? What is it that irks you so badly?
Before I can address HOW to handle this I need a better handle on WHY this is such a big deal for you...
would it irk you if YOUR family did this?
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (22 December 2011):
 I get what you're saying. When I was growing up my mother wasn't all that in to cooking so I had to do it for myself. And if the kitchen wasn't left 'just so' there was hell to pay. So I learned to clean as I went, and to leave it spotless when I was done.
My kids are now teenagers, and the two eldest are vegetarians and so cook for themselves. And some days I come home from work, the dishwasher that I turned on when I left is still full, the remaining dishes are strewn about, and no one even bothered to wipe the counters. So I have to unload the dishwasher, reload it, scrub the pots and pans, and basically clean up before I can start to make supper. Some days it makes me want to just scream and throw things. Which is certainly what my mother did on more than one occasion, with less provocation.
Mercifully for my children my wife wants our house to be a home. And a home is based around the kitchen. And the kitchen is where good things generally happen, if you let them.
Yes, a good cook will bristle when things aren't done their way; a fastidious homemaker will bridle when things aren't cleaned 'just so'. It's irritating as hell when the slotted spoon isn't put back where it should be so you have to hunt for it. I get all that, in spades.
Left to my own devices my kitchen would be orderly even while I was cooking; it would be spotless when I was done, and everything would be in its place. I'd live in a showhome if I could.
But the fact of the matter is that using the kitchen is a very big part of life. It's an important part of 'home' for my girls. It's the centre of our home when we entertain. And sometimes guests will want to 'give back' by helping to prepare meals. I can be like my mother and alienate everyone and discourage them from being in our house. Or I can adopt my wife's attitude, and make our place a welcoming home (even if I have to bite my tongue from time to time.)
Your call.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): Can I suggest that the unexpected arrival of people who are staying at your house has upset you, and that your seeming overreaction to the use of your kitchen is your expression of that?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): I suggest you explain to your husband how you feel about other's using your kitchen.
I have to wonder though, do you expect when you have guests for them to go hungry until you come home or are ready to cook a meal? That I find extremely rude, your husband is trying to be a good host. My Aunty is like this, needless to say she no longer gets visitor's at all as they don't feel welcome. Though expect more problems in the future if your territorial nature makes his children feel unwelcome in the house, because then you will have a real problem to deal with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): What is so wrong with other people using your kitchen ? I would scream if somebody was in my bed but not the kitchen.
Maybe its their way of saying thank you for letting them stop in your home, cooking so you don't have to? They must feel comfortable which means your good hosts.
If it really bothers you then your husband needs to have it explained again and your reasons for not liking it.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (21 December 2011):
 You should tell him exactly what you have told us: i.e., "It's MY kitchen and I don't appreciate having some stranger come in and start cooking without my knowledge or permission. I realize your son came to visit for the first time, and these are friends of your Dad; you want to be hospitable and I can appreciate that, but PLEASE, consult me first in future!"
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, iiSparkle  +, writes (21 December 2011):
 Hello,
This doesn't seem like a major problem to me.
But if it does annoy you, then talk to your husband about it and tell him that you don't wish anyone to go through your kitchen cupboards ect.
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