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anonymous
writes: Me and my girl broke up 5 months ago and she started dating another guy. Then we we finished school for the year. Now we are back and for the last 6 weeks she has said that she still has feelings for me. She and her boyfriend have broken up but she says that she doesn't want to rush back into a relationship with either of us. She says she still wants to hang out with both of us to see who she really wants to be with. I really love her and want her back but I don't want to push her or make her think that is what I am trying to do. Should I wait for her and see what she decides? I want to but I don't know how long it will take and I don't like the fact that she is hanging out with both of us at the same time. I don't know what to do. Any ideas?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2005): This is a situation that happens alot, maybe she just doesnt want to let go of either of you because all the time you are both wanting to be with her she feels good knowing that, be careful because your feelings are important here and its your feelings that will suffer in a situation like this, access whether you can stand up to this kind of hurtful nature of whether you would benefit from letting go sometimes walking away is the better option.
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (16 October 2005):
 I'm not surprised that you're confused and hurt. Your ex is playing both ends against the middle. In other words, she's taking advantage of the fact that both of you fellows want to go out with her, and hoping that you'll compete with each other to impress her. She's power-tripping on the feeling that she's got two guys fighting for her.
Now, that's not very kind, is it?
I strongly suggest that your ex isn't the sort of girl you really need in your life. She sounds a bit heartless and calculating. Who's to say that she won't do this to you and some other guy again, next time she feels like an ego boost.
I wouldn't "wait for her and see what she decides". That makes your feelings pretty unimportant, don't you think? Is this the sort of precedent that you want to set for the rest of your relationship, letting her decide if you're good enough?
If you have any dignity left after the way she's behaved I'd let her know that you're going to leave her to her own devices and enjoy your life now. Tell her that if she decides that she wants to be together with you, you'll give it some thought after she's completely broken it off with the other guy.
Then do it. Think long and hard about the way that she's been treating you and whether you really want to be with someone who'd think so little about your feelings.
Good luck.
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