A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,Just wondered if anyone had any advice for me about a very personal problem...I have recently discovered that my husband has been browsing escorts on his mobile phone (i dont really understand the phone and found this all by accident when he asked me to look something up on it while he was driving). This has shaken me to the core , and although he insists that he was just browsing to masturbate over the photos I dont know what to believe?We have both indulged in porn over the 13 years that we have been together - I didnt think that there were any sex secrets between us, i have never been insecure over porn in any format, after all i'm the one in his bed, so there has never been any reason for secrets or shame. I never even knew his phone could do what it does... He says it's because he was embarassed even though we both accept that sometimes we just want to masturbate instead of sex on occasion.After 3 weeks of feeling utterly shit about myself and the state of our marriage I thought i should try to work this out so have offered to act out this fantasy, buying different lingerie, sex aids, make-up etc but he keeps telling me that he doesnt want me to change anything, i'm perfect as i am etc etcI am totally thrown by this!?!?!!? We have acted out many fantasies in the bedroom before, why not this one which obviously turns him on? Is it because he has a guilty concience? Am i treading too near the truth? Is it because i am his wife and mother of his children? I am pregnant at the moment but this has had a positive effect on our sex life as i'm up for it anytime at the moment lol! He doesnt seem to be bothered by the sex/baby thing anyway.I think i feel so upset as there has never been a fantasy that i have ever felt i needed to keep secret?Many thanks for your thoughts x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, James the Rocket  +, writes (28 August 2010):
Seems it is resolved. Let me just say that this guy is an idiot. Browsing sex or escort sites on his phone?
I don't think it was a secret. He let you into his phone. He just likes the idea of the call-girl.
The sex aids. I hope you didn't buy a dildo. We men hate that! Beads or duo balls or whatever may be okay. Make-up, you need to make sure you don't over do it and look like a clown. If you aren't adept at putting it on, get it done professionally. Choose your lingerie with care.
If you want to copy a pro, I guess a mini skirt would work.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your thoughts and for your honesty both of you.
We are still talking things over and he is really making efforts to show me how attracted he is to me which is helping!
I'm sure my hormones are not helping matters either...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): I think your over thinking this. I have looked at escort adds before. Sometimes just as curiosity, sometimes to masturbate over their pictures. Their images can be exciting both becausenof the thought of what they do, and because they are real people (not airbrushed models). I found the idea that a girl F's everyone and anyone who calls her to be extremely erotic, and seeing the person who dis that whack worthy.
I have absolutely no intention or desire to sleep with an escort. Never have. Never will
Let it go
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Well, there's one way to find out the truth about the escort, and that's to get a hold of his calling records from his phone to see whether or not he's been calling the escort services that host these women he's "supposedly" using to masturbate with, because to be honest, if you're totally open to his using porn at home, why would he feel the need to hide??
Second question - is the escort service a LOCAL one? Are these girls accessible? Because his treating this as a "secret" is telling me that this is more than the conventional porn habit. Something has evolved here, and apparently, the "regular" stuff isn't as stimulating to him as it used to be, which is the textbook definition of sex addiction. One goes to great lengths to achieve a "high", and it takes more and more stimulation (or drugs, or alcohol, or whatever) to achieve what used to not take much.
He may not yet have contacted a prostitute/escort, but believe me, he's at least thinking about it. The porn isn't getting him "there" like it used to, so he's trying to "up" the stimulation.
I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that you don't have to feel like crap because this is HIS addiction, and it's not a reflection of you, your pregnant state, or anything you're deficient in.
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