A
female
age
41-50,
*ivefortheweekend
writes:This is starting to really annoy me. My bf is terrible at keeping in contact. Even when i first met him txts/ phone calls have always been quite slow. We have been together 6 months and i guess hes comfortable now so its slipped even further. Yesterday for example he did text me first but thats rare and today ive had no txt off him at all. I have not txt him either today and its normally me who initiates the contact first. Yes hes fairly busy with different stuff but arent we all and i always find 5 mins to txt him in a day. So question... what do i do? Should i not text him and see how long it takes for him to realise ive not been in contact or not play games and txt him? Im just being needy i guess but i hate thinkig of no contact for a whole day.
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female
reader, livefortheweekend +, writes (17 August 2010):
livefortheweekend is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for taking the time to reply everyone!
Dear jilly - what is your book called? He scored 10 in the quiz.
Im honestly not to sure what i should do now? I do have one major fault with myself and its something i get really angry over... i dont talk to him about issues, i let it build up inside and then by the time i see him ive calmed down and never say anything. Ive always had a problem discussing things and whilst im working on it i do realise its a big problem with myself and i need to resolve
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): You are not being needy in the slightest - Needy would be, IF you had to text anyone, just someone, didn't matter who, because, well, you're needy. But this is NOT the case for you. You are in a relationship, where emotional intimacy is vital, as you are starting to discover. IF your relationship with your boyfriend is to grow, both of you need to have equal input, not just you.
The ' I'm busy ' old excuse, is just that, as you find time in a busy schedule to text him and make him feel important and thought off. Even a ' xx ' to you during the day, would show he had thought of you, which would not take him more than 2 seconds. This is either down to him not being as emotionally as involved as you, OR he may be just self-orientated, or emotionally unavailable.
I find it interesting you say he was like this in the beginning as well, so you already had a pre-warning, so why did you get involved? Did you think he would change..as whatever the MAN or woman is like at the beginning, only increases as the time goes on. So any trait at the start you may not like, one just gets more of, as the relationship moves forward.
You don't state whether or not he's very loving, tactile and attentive when he's with you, if he expresses love for you, or you him....and IF you do, does he reciprocate?
Do you feel you and your boyfriend have more together than just the present? All relationships have a Present, mid-term and long-term relationship. Let me explain, if your boyfriend is reluctant to talk about a mid-term ( 6 months ahead) then you can be sure he is not emotionally involved as he could be. Not texting, is NOT just about not texting, there will be other issues surrounding his attitude, but only you know what he's like with you.
I'm COPYING a DATING QUIZ taken from my own book published last year..SEE how your boyfriend rates.
DATING QUIZ
Are you dating the emotionally unavailable, the Peter-Pan, the boy opposed to a man, the man with an emotional EQ ( Yes it does exist)less than his physical age? This will tell you all you need to know. Begin...Is he really keen or should you be dating other males too? First came the the book, 'he's just not that into you' and the real-life dating dilemma, of the emotionally TOXIC man!
Take a look at the following questions, and answer each question honestly. For those you can say YES to, give your man two points -this can also serve as a good way of knowing how involved you become with men, who are not giving what they're taking.
Give your man TWO POINTS for each of these 16 important
characteristics he shows:
?? Really keen to see you
?? Reluctant to leave you, always prefers to stay longer if possible,
even if it interferes with his own arrangements.
?? Wants and needs regular consistent contact, asks for dates with
you
?? Interested in you and your life, what you've been doing, if you're
ok
?? Wants to be helpful whenever he can
?? Is verbally and physically affectionate in and out of bed -displays affection
?? Wants to be romantic, do nice things for you, and frequently sexual with you
?? Texts, emails or calls on a regular basis
?? Acts and tells you, you're very special; doesn’t want to date others
?? You've been to his home
?? He's becoming more attentive and loving
?? He's becoming more open to sharing his feelings and thoughts with you
?? He's becoming more open to sharing his personal living space
?? Becoming more open to sharing his social life with friends and
family members.
?? His words are backed up by action - he says he loves you and shows it
?? He talks about a future, at least including the next six months
Please be honest as you score your guy. If your man has a score of 8 (
4 YES's) or less, it probably indicates that he is ' just not that keen' or
he's playing the time is not right..! If he gets 12-20 points he may have
possibilities. Fourteen (14) or more means he just may be worth exploring further with. Full score of 32 HANG on to him, he's on his way to being Mr.Perfect!Look for more of the sharing/giving qualities over time to make a better
judgement..If the guy has a low score, you do not need to stop seeing him straight away, but a simple way to protect yourself fromthe “he’s just not that into you” OR emotionally unavailable man' is to meet other men, and not offer an exclusive relationship to a man who does not treat you with respect and care.
Do not have sex with any of the men (kissing is OK!) unless, you intend having an exclusive relationship and have fallen for one the guys - Physical intimacy too soon, clouds the issue, can be confusing emotionally, and the whole point is for you to choose wisely. Ultimately: if you want to be treated well, to have a well balanced relationship of consideration and equal respect, look for a man who
is ' emotionally mature' one who provides regular and consistent contact that gets better and better, not a man who does nothing more than take you on a brief roller coaster ride of highs and lows..as you always have to get off a roller coaster!
You should find yourself continually pleased at how thoughtful he is, how he tries to fulfill your needs, to feel needed, cared for, romanced and appreciated for the desirable woman you are.
Let me know how he scores, I would be interested..Oh and by the way, closeness and intimacy is a good thing, don't change, and NO don't become like him, if you play games it will only fuel this frustration of yours further.
Jilly x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): I don't like texting or emailing esp. when I just starting to date the person. In fact, I don't have texting on my cell phone because, I don't want anyone to get comfortable with communicating with me that way--frankly, texting and emailing can be a lazy form of communication. I don't even give a guy my cell number instead, I will give him my home number that way if he is really interested in getting in contact with me, he will either call or come and see me. I am certain that the President is "busy" as hell too, but he still makes time to talk to his wife and children and I doubt he is so busy that he will go days without contacting his family. With that being said, if the President can do it, so can your boyfriend....he isn't that damn busy that he can't keep in contact with his girlfriend...a woman he claims to love. It's all bullcrap sweety and don't be fooled either. Your boyfriend may love you or even miss you, but not enough where he is willing to keep in contact with you more often that not.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Agreed with AskOlderSister, he's a poor candidate if this is a LDR. Both parties have to maintain great communication in order for it to work. It can work Im proof...Im now married to him. If u do spend time with him often, or as much as u can then I wouldnt put too much thought into the texts bc guys arent much talkers/texters anyway. On the other hand, a hi once a day isnt too much to ask for. I feel he's slipping and it couldnt hurt him to text u back at least twice a day. Communication is key any relationship, if u already discussed this with him and he's still struggling then kick him to the curb! U want to be with a man who talks to u.
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