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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 28 and I've just broken up with my boyfriend of four months. I know it doesn't sound like a long time but we were both incredibly intense when we got involved and things moved very quickly - we were already talking about marriage, babies and living together. Like most people, I've been looking forward to meeting my husband for a long, long time, and I was incredibly excited that this might finally be It. I have suffered from depression, and I felt like I was finally getting some of the happiness that had been so elusive for so long.However, I think my desire for him to be The One made me ignore some problems with the relationship, and it was only recently (a few weeks ago) that we were able to see the truth: things weren't going to work out for us.We've ended it now, and stopped contacting each other. I know for sure that it's the right decision, but... wow, I'm soooooo lonely. He wasn't quite right for me, and that meant we should break up - but seriously, he wasn't far off Mr Right! It makes it so hard. I know I've got to be strong and stick to my guns but I'm just so alone now. My friends are all married and so independent - and it's a basic human need to be needed and relied on. I can try and make new friends, but I just feel so humiliated - for so many people I know, everything's gone right: they've got lovely friends, met the right guy at the right age and are happy and settled. But then there's me: I've had three serious failed relationships now, and I'm having to go out to make new friends. I know so many people have to do this but so many people DON'T have to do it - it feels so unfair!Like I said above, I know I've got to be strong and stop whining, and just get on with it, but it's so hard. I ended a 5 year relationship at the end of 2001 and a two year one at the end of 2004, and I'm only just recovering from the latter. So many of my friends have been with the same person for years. Why do they get to have it so easy?! I know it's pathetic, and I know that things could be so much worse, but I'm just feeling very sorry for myself.I know that other people out there must've felt this hopeless too - how did you get through it? I feel so desperately lonely - all my friends seem to be busy every evening and work during the day. Over the next few weeks and months I'm sure I can find a new hobby and build new friendships - but how do I cope with the devastation I feel NOW? I only broke up with him at the weekend and I feel like I'm going mad. I can't go ten minutes without breaking down, everything I see on TV reminds me of something we talked about or something we were going to do. Worst of all, I know he's missing me too - I'm so desperate to call him, but I know I mustn't. I just wish I had someone who could move in with me and distract me from all this. I hate the loneliness. Can anyone help, please?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): Hey there
Its so spooky as this sounds just like me, I to am mid 20, have suffered with depression and get terribly lonley.
Firstly yes the relationship did move too fast but at the time it all seemed ok, fun and natural, now however you realise and accept that it was way too much too soon.
My friends are also very busy all the time or attached and it just doesnt feel right turning up on their doorstep.
Do your friends know about your depression?
Maybe try txting them explaining that you need or feel its time for a girls night in. Get a film or takeaway which will hopefully boost your self esteem and confidence by having a giggle. The answer is not always found in a man. IF you're able to talk to your friends or family I found this best as they know the real me. Failing that talk to your doctor as they should be able to put you in touch with councilors, support groups or inform you of courses that may be beneficial to you. Asking for help is not a form of weakness but strength as it shows you want/need help and want to get better.
You need to be honest with yourself to make progress, good choices, and have a happy bright future. You can have all this if you want.
Please get help, I did and although at the time I didnt care about anything or one I'm pleased Im still still here to experience life.
Just remeber YOU MUST do it to improve, YOU WILL do it to have a brighter future and YOU CAN do it for yourself, never for anyone else.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): Hi, I was the first anonymous male reader who replied to your question. We're obviously both having a similar experience and in similar pain. Take care
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A
male
reader, Bobby198 +, writes (22 March 2006):
Last July I met the Girl of my dreams...It was really love at first site for both of us.I rememeber it like it was yesterday when my buddy and I dropped her off at her house I was thinking about how wonderful that Girl was and started to imagine getting involveld.About a month later that dream became reality, after spending time with Her, I realized we had so much in common, we feel madly in love. She was my first everything, first serious relationship, first kiss, even down to where we were each others first sexual partners...It just feels so wrong not being with her after an amazing 5 1/2 months that I don't see living without her possible right now. Everything I do reminds of Her. Everything I see reminds of Her. And it seems everything I do won't bring her back. It's been a couple of months now that I haven't spoken to Her, and I miss Her so much. I miss the way Her hair reflects in the sunlight, the deepth of Her eyes when you look into them. But what I miss the most is Her smell, Her silky soft skin, and especially the sound of Her voice. When I was having a bad day, I would hear Her voice and the whole world would just slip away, and I wasn't frustrated at work anymore, or at anybody, She was my best friend.And like previous answers, maybe time can fix things, but for now the pain just doesn't stop and I don't want this Angel to disapear from my life. She changed my life, and all my goals...Before Her there was no futur, when we started talking about everything (life, marriage, kids, living together) it sounded so right, but being apart is feeling so wrong.It's always good to talk to someone who knows you, relative are the best.Hope you all the best.Take care of yourselves.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): i think you and this guy here should swop numbers you sound like you both could do wiv cheering each other up and maybe it was faith that you both would meet on this site!!! stranger things have happend.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (22 March 2006):
 Hiya :). Yes it is a basic human need to want to love and be loved and that isn't a bad thing. It always seems that other people have it easy too although in truth they do have their own problems too. However, this doesn't help and makes it feel like there must be something wrong with you. First you have to realise that there is nothing wrong with you.
Second I think you need to take steps to end your lonliness that don't involve your ex. Do you have one or maybe two friends who you can go out with? Maybe you can invite them to stay round for a weekend? Failing that you could maybe visit relatives. Think of things that you have always wanted to do and try and do some of them.
I am sure that your friends, even if they are married will not object to you visiting. Also tell them how you are feeling. It is important that you have people you can talk too and express how you are feeling too. Even if it is just picking up the phone then that is a start. Hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): I am going through a very similar experience as you - in fact it's quite scary - almost identical! My girlfriend and I were very intense from the start which in hindsight was probably a mistake as she has a young daughter. She told me that she loved me and had never felt this way about anyone else. She broke up with me recently (also suffers with depression)and has now told me that she doesnt want me to contact her again. I really feel your pain... I'm in the same boat. Everything I see and hear reminds me of her too. She was my 'One' too and I am so desperate to contact her too. I miss her soooooooooooo badly and she preoccupies my mind 24/7.
To be honest I dont know what the answer is. I know thats not helpful but its true. People say to go out and try to peroccupy your time but I find it's useless! Others say 'time is a healer'. I don't know.
However, if you REALLY feel that you love this guy I feel you should perhaps contact him and talk all this through. He's also feeling this. Is there no way you could work this out?? Also The Samaritans are good to turn to at times for a listening ear.
Take care
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