A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 32, and my husband's 36, and I work in website design/corporate sites on a freelance basis, my husband's a chef at a local restaurant/Indian place.Over the past 3-4 weeks or so, he's been begging me to dress up differently when having sex.Fine, I thought - not the usual sexy nurse/whatever.But what he requested stunned me - he asked me to wear his boxer shorts, get a fake penis, and wear a good suit [shirt/tie combo] and to strap my breasts down and look a bit more masculine "Whatever the hell it takes I don't care, just do it! I won't have sex with you till you look a bit like a dude who's slightly machofeminine" he said to me. Machofeminine? Is that a neologism?I also found he'd been looking at FtM sites a lot in his web browser history and pictures of FtM's on flickr.com etc. I wasn't spying on him or anything like that, he'd just [foolishly] left the history tab on the sidebar of the browser which was minimized.Does this mean he's gay or not? He's shown no sexual interest in other guys, and I know for a fact he's not even jealous of me being with other men.I just don't understand why he wants this; I asked him but he just couldn't/wouldn't explain, only saying it was a "fetish" that he wanted to become a semi-regular, not everyday thing.I can understand that some men are crossdressers and some wives are OK with it, but my husband's not a tgirl and has never shown any inclination, so why's he so interested in me looking masculine? (I'll admit I look very much a feminine redhead, y'know, like Lauren Ambrose off Six Feet Under - well, that's what my friends tell me!)I'm a bit concerned for him. Our relationship's good in other ways, and we were compatible sexually, up until now, does this mean we're mismatched sexually?I feel embarrassed about this and just can't understand it; he has absolutely very few other sexual requests and mainly wants "plain-vanilla" sex apart from this. It feels so weird I just dont know what to do.If you were in my situation how would you handle this situation?I feel so mortified I don't know how to cope.He's a good loving guy normally; it's in the bedroom it feels like he's someone else, what am I going to do?
View related questions:
breasts, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): Two words. Closet Homo
A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (7 September 2011):
 It’s unusual for a man to sacrifice a healthy sexual relationship with a beautiful woman suddenly; unless you comply with something he wants as “a ‘fetish’ that he wanted to become semi-regular, not [an] everyday thing’. Could the threat of no more sex be an exaggeration?
You know and used the term "vanilla-sex". Do you know who usually uses this term?
Your husband may not be gay or bi; if he says he “can’t” explain why he enjoys the idea of this type of “play” then its hard for us to guess at it. If he “won’t” explain, that is a deeper issue.
How do you feel about playing this role? Does he also ask that you play a more aggressive part in the bedroom while you are in role?
I suggest you do some online reading about feminization, domination, etc. Could your husband be interested in this? Understanding what your husband’s interests are, if he is able to explain and discuss it, is fundamental in being able to find common ground.
I suspect his interest is less about the actual costume and more about what that costume represents to him.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 The real sticking point in this is what he said -- that he won't have sex with you until you do what he wants you to. This, even more than what he wants you to do, is what is concerning.
You are uncomfortable with what his fetish is and of course have questions about what's fueling it. It's also a big thing that's he's not jealous of you being with other men. That tells me that he does secretly want something different with his sex life, if he doesn't want that already.
I'm not saying that he's gay. In fact, it's specific that he's looking for Female to Male sex sites. However, the thing here is that he's all but forcing you to conform to his fantasy, using a lack of affection as blackmail.
So the question is -- are you a blow up doll, or are you a living, breathing person who has the right to say no without being blackmailed?
He's not loving if he doesn't respect you, and the fact that he doesn't feel possessive of you tells you that he could leave you on a moment's notice.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 September 2011):
 if it was me I'd offer to TRY it once and see how it felt for me... if it felt ok I'd keep it up.
My BF likes to dress... he makes a pretty girl.... I don't care one way or the other if he does it or not but it is not a reflection on how he feels about me.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 September 2011):
 If you aren't comfortable doing this then you simply tell that. I'm sure he doesn't want his fetish to interfere with your pleasure. Unless there is something you'd like him to do that he doesn't want to do...then you can trade off. Sex is a two way street in my book.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 This is a tough one.
It should be unnecessary for me to say this, but I can only answer from my own perspective.
In my books, any man who needs his WOMAN to look male is at the very least bisexual. Particularly one who looks hot like you (I did look up "Lauren Ambrose").
I really wouldn't know how to handle this. But I can understand how deeply disturbing it is.
...............................
|
