A
female
age
,
*prils
writes: WellI caught my husband masterbating after he promised he would come to me after we went to a sex therpist, he is addicted for sure, please only decent replys, any proverbed replies will be reported. sure everyone masterbates, but a husband doesn't tell his wife he loves and wants her and continues to hide and masterbate. I am separating jan 2, this is my only chance at hoefully seeing if he will give the porn up and be with me, my main question now is is it posible for a addictive porn user to masterbate every once and awhile and still be with his parner or wife, this is his altimatium but he got caught last night he masterbated right beside me I was sleep when he got home from work, and he thought I was sleep, he was at it with his back turned and a picture of some girl in his hand, he got up went in the bath room changed underware, and tossed it, I found the most evidence this morning I said little he got very very defensive bescause he knew the promise he made to the couunsleor and me,I thought what the use now he doesan't care about me anymore to look me in the eye and lie like that. I tryed to explain it is ok to do that everyonce ina while as along as your with me to, he still would not admit it. I have lost him, I am sure he will not give it up and be with me also,any last comments before I give up on my marriage? I have tryed everything Itreat this man like a king, I feel torn,cheated lied to and he has doen it all.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2010): This is not HIS problem but both of your problem and from the sounds of it I would guess you are the main cause. There is a reason he is doing it and I would guess that you are very prim and proper and have no desire to experiment with different things. So I think he is turning to other avenues since he can't get it from you.
A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (31 December 2009):
 Creative sex is as delicate as flower, or more than flower. This is truth. And, such truth will not work under any sort of pressure, threat, or code of law - how great it may be for justice.
In ideal condition it is expected that husband and wife can share every thing about sex...even see porn together and decide their liking or disliking for reason and search for other option together. If not, then the lost is loss of honesty and faith.
If wife see his husband masturbating alone, then it is a indication, first to read the meaning. Why? What is lacking? Marriage is meant for good sex life. It is for mutual dependence and trust. Desire is fire and pleasure is light. If desire is weak then certainly dim-light, low breathing...Under such circumstances 'promise' cannot work, but what work is words of love and affection. They [good words] are available almost without cost.
, 'Luvr Buoy' has nice observation and good comment. I agree with him.
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A
female
reader, JaneMarie +, writes (31 December 2009):
How long has this been going on? How long have you had these feelings? Has he always had this addiction? Has the addiction become worse? How long have you been married. I have a liberal view of porn and I find some can be beautiful and I have watched some with my husband. However, he usually can't hold is attention long and is provoked to make love. Ask your husband if there is more you could do for him. Is he going through an age crisis? Do you still enjoy sex? I'm married, young, and fairly liberal, I wont lie. I have a few sex toys and when my husband isn't in the mood and I really am, I'll play, and sometimes he really isn't in the mood and that's find and other times, it turns him on. If your husband is doing this in the bathroom, he likely feels threatened. You should not feel threatened if you know he really loves and cares about you. Maybe, you feel he gets more out of some young, hot-looking chicks, than you, then maybe it is time to spice up the bedroom, lingerie, or just tell him how you feel, but you can't threaten him. It isn't entirely his problem or possibly not his problem at all. It is hard to admit it, or I may be completely wrong, but you likely feel threatened. You need to talk with your husband and tell him how you really feel, or possibly go to counseling together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): Please remember that moat o he replies on here are from very young people ie under 30. The majority of them have experiences of marriages 10 year plus and even less understanding of the implications of porn use. They see it as something acceptable and even desirable in a marriage. I'm a mother of four , married nearly 20 years and I understand exactly where your coming from . He is showing you zero respect and clearly is not committed atthis point to making real changes in his behaviour. Porn is about ethics. Sadly most young people don't undestand this. Personally a break fro you husband might help you clear your head and possibly continue counselling as well. This might help you see what is the best decision over time. Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, Luvr Buoy  +, writes (31 December 2009):
The fact that in preparing this question, u threatened the reading audience against indecent replies, and proverbed replies; implies that u r pretty controlling... this could be intimidating to a man and even be a turn off... How do u present ur self emotionally to him? do u nag him? He probably sees masturbation as a way into his own fantasy world where there's no pressure or disrespect! What about the way u carry about urself at home... U need to wholistically look at ur sex life, and u may just find that the problem stems beyond just an issue of sex! God Bless...
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x  +, writes (31 December 2009):
 I may be completely wrong here, but is this post about your husband masturbating INSTEAD of being with you?... So he no longer has any sexual contact with you, only himself? Because if that's so, then you are right to leave him. If it makes you unhappy and you have tried counselling but that didn't work, then it's best to do this. If he does stop and asks to be with you again, at least it's a wake up call for him that you won't stand for it. If he does not stop, then find yourself someone better. Someone who does not choose himself over you.I can understand how you must feel betrayed that he is masturbating over someone who isn't you, but it's just a harmless fantasy. As long as it doesn't progress to something more physical, then there's not really anything he's done wrong. If I've been mistaken, send me a personal message explaining everything and I will try to help more :)Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (31 December 2009):
 It was quite difficult to fully understand what you are asking. Or, for that matter if you are asking us a question. If you have already made the decision to separate on Jan. 2, then what do you need us for? Everyone has a different opinion of porn. If he believes he has a problem, then it is up to him to deal with it. Ultimatums don't work with addicts. And they are unable to keep promises they make...it's a desease that needs to be treated. One visit to a therapist just ain't gonna fix it! You seem so repulsed by his behavior that, it would probably be wise for you to follow your plan on Jan. 2!To live with an addict, you must have compasion and understanding of their addiction. You are taking this as a personal assault on you. I understand that. You feel as though he is rejecting you and cheating on you. Feeling the way you do, you cannot be of help to him. I wish you luck in the future! But it's not likely you will ever find a man who doesn't masterbate!
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (31 December 2009):
 Unless he is not having sex with you, then I don't understand what the problem is. Got an itch, scratch it!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): Your question is so confusing it's almost impossible to understand. It is in english but hardly understandable.
You are going to leave him because he masturbates without you watching him ??
Uh,, it is his body... right ??
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