A
female
age
41-50,
*ndrea M Duncan
writes:Me and my husband have been together for 10 years, married 4 years on the 28th of Aug 2008. We are having alot of problems and had a huge fight this weekend. My husband was diagnosed with biopolar disease about 2 years ago, he always mentioned that he is depressed. He is currently taken pills for the biopolar. About 2 years ago my husband started working at a new company and they were alot of young people, most unmarried, and some had a girlfriend or boyfriend. Since he started working there he changend. It felt like i didn't know him anymore. He also said he changed, he didn't come home some nights, started drink more and more. Little bit abusive as well. When he was drunk he started saying things like he hates me, he doesn't love me I am a bad person. We also have a daughter of 3 years old. So everytime when we have a drink we are fighting and he would tell me how bad I am and that he doesn't love me. last weekend we had a braai at friends place and I met an friend for a drink, I came late as he wanted to leave at 14h00 and I only came just after 14h00. Then he also had something to drink, the was really upset, said really bad words, and the whole night he was goinig on about it. Then he started saying things like he dispice me. I tried staying away and not saying anything. He got a little abusive again, and his friend saw it, the his friend told him to leave me alone and took me hom. I told his friend that this is what happens everytime, his friend said he doesn't want anything to do with my husband anymore. I Slept at friends place, the next morning, his friend confronted him, and he was really upset as his friend told him this friendship is over.Then we went home, may daughter was with us, he was saying all kinds of ugly stuff infront of our daugther and also said I will never see my kid again, and said I should move out.What should I do, I have not yet moved out, as I don't know where to go and I don't want to do something that he can keep my baby. The whole week has been bad in the house, we are not speaking and I am scared and don't know what I should do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): I have always lived with my father, he is bi-polar and has always been a very violent person. He was officially diagnosed with it about three years ago and he is prone to hateful outbursts, violence and drinking. The condition is far worse when he drinks and he tends to get very ill with the world around him for the smallest insult. (real or imagined). I amn an adult now and having lived with him my whole life,seeing the abuse he put on my mother and me as a child..I can say that I hate him. I despise him in every way and when I was younger I had dreams where he died and I actually enjoyed that feeling when I woke up. As I was growing up and it still goes on sometimes today he is very abusive. My only advice I can sugest is to get a judge involed, once he's diagnosed with the disorder and is proven to be violent you should have no problems getting full custody of your child. Good luck to you no matter what you do but I can tell you that as a person who grow up in what your describing it only served to make me hate my father.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): Call the helpline as I suggested before and get professional assistance; those people are trained to deal with situations such as yours.
http://www.stopwomenabusehelpline.org.za/contact_us.htm
Toll free in SA 0800 150 150
Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): if your husband wont help himself then you cant help him
it has to come from him and only him if he does then you can support him but if he doesnt then you have to look after you and your girl,
i thought i could fix my ex after 5 long years of very hard and horrible times i knew i couldnt make him better and that he could only help himself so i had to make the break not just for me and our girl but for him too
now hes a much better man for it and a great dad
all the best xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): First of all it's not my baby but our baby.
Secondly beware the male friend. Your marriage is nothing to do with him.
Funny he finds his friends lowest point to drop him, and take on the knight in shining armour role.
Curious why his friend didn't take your husband home and let him sleep at his place.
Maybe your husband see's himself being dethroned and dispossed and keeping in his primival urge to fight under such conditions has caused his head to go pop!
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): So he develops an illness and his wife, daughter and friend do a runner. Nice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Dear poster
Irrelavant of the love, honour and obey phrase as quoted by the previous male poster;
Your husband does not love or respect you if he is treating you the way he described; For the safety of you and your child; call the ehlp line and get away from this guy! You DO NOT have to LOVE, HONOUR or OBEY him or any marriage vows under such circumstances;
Please do get help and please take good care of you and your little girl;
Best wishes, lots of hugs and smiles.
Lots of hugs and smiles.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Did your marriage vows have love, honour and obey?
Some choose to drop it. I'm not familiar with your contract.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Dear Poster
You have my empathy; you are in a very difficult situation; I have been there; was married to a medical doctor who suffered with depression and then started using alcohol with his medication; I tried everything, but the abuse and aggression got worse; The next day he is sorry and apologise; I did try therapy and councelling BUT unless they stop the use of alcohol there is no stop to this; it just gets worse and more dangerous; For the safety of my children and myself I had him removed from the house; We agreed upon a divorce and yes, it was not easy but there was no other solution;
I suggest, either one of you will have to leave; there is no FUTURE for you with this man; not with these circumstances;
He should not be using alcohol with his medication; if he is becoming abusive, please do not wait untill he hurts you or your child physically; the emotional trauma and the living in FEAR, it is not good for you or the child;these are not the conditions under which you want to raise a child and you DESERVE a better life; You DO NOT have to live in FEAR and tolerate his abuse.
Yes, it is not easy but you really have no choice; think about your safety and that of your child. Should he become violent call the Police they will remove him from the house for "domestic violence".
Here is a link to the stop women abuse helpline in SOuth Africa, with there toll free number;
Contact them for assistance;
http://www.stopwomenabusehelpline.org.za/contact_us.htm
Toll free in SA 0800 150 150
You are welcome to contact me if I can be of any assistance, I will gladly try my best. You can Private Message me if you want.
Be strong and do what is best to protect you and your child.
CONTACT the HELPLINE NOW!
Oh, and don't let him scare you about the child; courts do not easily take a child away from the mother; he is just trying to bully you emotionally;
Best wishes and lots of hugs and SMILES.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): hi there
sorry to have to say this but he will never change
i was with a guy just like this i stuck with it for five years and trust me it doesnt get any better he also started to hit me spit at me push me and all the things you have just said in the end i knew he was'nt going to change
so for my daugther who was 2 1/2 at the time and for my self i made him leave now me and my daugther are very happy and we have both blossomed she sees her dad every weekend and he is now a great dad,
if he wont leave there will be somewhere you can go to for help you just need to look for it and ask,
it will be one of the hardst things you will have to go though but it will be worth it in the end turst me
you and you baby are worth so much more than that, take the step you wont regret it in a few months time down the line its a hard step to make but stick at it and you will be ok,
all the best,
message me anytime.
p.s dont confornt him when hes drunk he needs to be sober and know that you mean what you are saying.
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