A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband wants to move overseas to expand his business. He already has a team abroad but wants to be there in person. Long story short it makes sense for the businessI, however, want to stay here. I'm not fond of the country he wants to move to and I don't even know the language or culture. He says it will only be 1-2 years but I know if business takes off it makes sense for him to stay. We have always dreamed of building a life together where we are now but of course things change. We have no kids and do not want any. Living separately is a big no for both of us. We both work and have friends and family here. I don't know if I can give up everything to go with him. He's very set on going and wants to bring me. Any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 May 2017):
 That's the thing with marriage you have to figure out what is best for you both not just for one person. You don't mention your career. Is that important to you? Can you easily find a job in that country? I understand not knowing the language and culture is very daunting. But you could always trial run it as well. You both need to sit and talk about your options as a couple and not just about you or him but about you both together. He also needs to compromise.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2017): Even in the best of marriages there's call for sacrifice, which usually calls on the wife as she is the helper to her husband.
You (the wife) have the power to make or break (hinder) his success/progress as behind every good man there's his woman.
Which are you going to choose to be; the helper or the deflater of his potential?
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (29 April 2017):
You shouldn't have to give up your life for his business but if you love him and want to build a life with him you need to seriously consider it.
Let him go and get things set for say about 2 months. You can follow on a trial basis. Agree to stay for a month if you can. Look for jobs in your field and try to find other American expats and pick their brains about the pros and cons of living there. Then go home and evaluate. But don't agree to anything and don't promise him anything except an open mind. If you just can't do it tell him right away then he will have a decision to make.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2017): How can you say you ar enot fond of a country when you don't know the language or culture? That's a bit prejudice, don't you think?I suggest you try to talk this through. Go visit to that country for a month or two. See how you like it, for just a visit. Read up about the country, learn about the culture. Give it a fair try. Then evaluate. Talk it through with hubby. Is it a final no from you? Would you be okay if he left and you stayed put? Many married couples do this, when work forces them to seek employment in another country. One leaves, one stays put. Alternatively, could you do two months at a time, him going away for two months, coming back for two months... Or maybe even you both move for a year, or two, and then come back. Talk about it. Find a solution. Don't be stubborn, be willing to compromise. But also, be clear on what you want, and he should not be stubborn either. You are married now, so you need to make decisions as a couple, and not just think "me and myself".
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A
male
reader, Phil052  +, writes (28 April 2017):
 This is a tough one, and some sort of initial compromise solution seems the only way forward, as others have suggested. Did you discuss this possibility at all before you got married?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 April 2017):
 Any choice you make can always be reversed at a later date. Just because you go to live somewhere, does not necessarily mean you have to stay for the rest of your life.
Can you show willing and go in the first instance, on the proviso that you will give it 6 months and then review the situation? Really work hard at making it work (learn the language, make friends, etc). Then, if you still feel you cannot be happy there, sit down with your husband and discuss it again. Things may have changed in that time so that you may have other options.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2017): Compromise. Maintain a home in the States, and live abroad six months out of a year. Come home and live in the States maybe seasonally; and take turns traveling back and forth between homes for the sake of the business.
If he's not giving you a choice; then I guess you have to make your own. You're a partnership; he doesn't get to make all the decisions. Do you have a job or a career? Does that mean you also have to quit?
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