| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: My husband fell in love with someone 700 miles away and carried on his relationship with her for 5 years. I only knew about it the last 2 years. He left me and my 2 kids a year ago. In March of this year they broke up. He now tells me he wants to give us a try, he misses me and his family. I don't know what to do. I met someone who really loves me, though he has three kids of his own and I am not sure how our future will turn out. I hate being alone and raising my kids by myself.
View related questions:
broke up, fell in love Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005): I would give yourself some time to find out what YOU want. A man can't give you happiness unless you learn to be happy by yourself. Focus on taking care of your children. They need you very much right now. You are the constant in their lives. Tell your husband that you are still hurting from his affair with this other woman and you need time to think. If your husband or your new found friend really want to be with you, they will be patient and understanding. Time can be a wonderful healer. Take what you need. And lean on your friend and family for comfort and support. You might be surprised how much help they'll WANT to give.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 October 2005):
 He left you once and he'll probably do it again. He's a liar and a cheat. I'll bet that's why he split up with his little chippy. Let him see the kids while you make yourself busy doing something else; like spending some time with your new friend. Enjoy your freedom. There are a LOT of things worse than being alone and feeling a little bit lonely. Good luck, I'm sure your day in the sun is coming!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2005): Don't allow your fears of going it alone over-ride your common sense, hun. Gain some power and self-worth back by continuing to do it on your own. No, it's not easy but the internal rewards (pride, dignity, high self-esteem, self-empowerment) will pay off bigtime, down the road. As a divorced woman myself, I know it's not easy to deal with disappointment & heartache because one's dreams & hopes all suddenly come crashing down, when a husband suddenly leaves for another woman. A wave of emotions (shock, hurt, anger, fear) Now he's found out the grass isn't always greener on the other side & misses you and the kids. What he has to realize, this isn't just about HIS feelings anymore-now is the time to start thinking of yourself and what you REALLY want. The fears were hard enough to deal with when you were alone and hurting. It's all too easy for you to fall back into a relationship with him, particularly now, that the other woman is not involved anymore. But go slooow and think this through. I'm not saying 'don't do it'. I'm saying to you just open your eyes and truly see things the way they are and see your husband for who he truly is. Not what you want to see, not what once was, not who you want him to be or think he could be. Be brutally honest with yourself. If you do and realize that you aren't in love with who he really truly is, now-you need to keep healing , gain more strength and just let him go. As hurtful and disrespectful his cheating was to you-it was a tough wake-up call to you-realizing he didn't care enough to stick it out with you. You have to know, that you did deserve a hell of a lot better. You have to take a look at reality and realize that your husband whom you had fallen head-over-heels for years previously, isn't the same man you married. He cheated on you, hun and he spent 5 years lying to you and to his children. Are you will willing to risk that pain & sorrow again? Can you ever trust him again? Be careful-because you've come so far in the healing process and you may be setting yourself up for disaster again. Sometimes we have to stop trying to hold on, and began to think forward, keep planning, determine how you are going to make it as a single mom rather than fearing it. It isn't easy-it takes tremendous strength and perseverence, never give up. It's been a life-changing growth experience that will hit you harder than being slapped backhanded across the face. But it is a positive moment, and one that will make all the difference in your healing and getting on with life. I can't promise you won't experience more pain or loneliness or fear, but I can promise you that life does go on, and it is only what you make of it. There are other people out there, quite possibly true love, friendships that you will be able to count on, new opportunities. Already you have a new man in your life. That's a positive step forward, dear. As for hubby, the decision isn't easy, but you can do it and you can overcome the difficulties. Remember, the new man in your life-represents a future of possible happiness. What exactly does your husband represent to you now? Are you are willing to ruin a good relationship with a good man (your bf) in exchange for what? Some other woman's leftovers? Sorry to say this- but your husband is now a just a man who simply cheats. Now-in terms of your children, kids are sensitive to all that goes on in a family. Having hubby stay for their sake, but with you possibly being unhappy, untrusting and anxious is not a good environment for them. You do share children together-but the children can have their own relationship with their Dad in their own way. First and foremost, the point is for children to have two loving parents, apart or together, who both feel good enough about themselves and life to be able to be kind, supportive parents.
I wish you the best of luck in whatever decisions you make for your future. Take what you want from what I've said as these are just my opinions-but whatever you do..do what makes YOU and your children happy. And remember when Mom is happy-everyone benefits...especially the kids! Take care, dear and be strong
Hugs,
Irish
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2005): What a pickle! I can imagine how your heart must ache. It seems to me that your chances of making it work with either man are about the same; basically, unknown. However, would you be able to put the past behind you if you were to go back with your ex husband? That is a lot of hurt to have to relive and I think you might. If you do go back with the ex, please get some counseling right away. If you stay with the new gentelman, stay with all your heart and don't look back. He deserves all of you, mind, body and soul. I'm betting the new man doesn't want to raise his kids alone either. You need to be honest with yourself about how you feel about these two men. You mentioned how they feel, but not how you feel.
...............................
|
