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female
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anonymous
writes: I have a problem in that I have become extremely attracted to my hubby's friend and cannot stop thinking about him (I know its stupid). This has never happened before and every time I try and forget about him little things remind me of him (I do deep down love my husband its just we have had a lot of problems lately ie my dad dying from cancer and problems with our eldest son). What makes it worse is that I see his wife every day doing the school run (yes I am envious of her) and I have to stop talking to her/avoiding her so that I don't end up thinking about him. Has anyone got any good advice on how I can forget about him completely and also am I right for ignoring the wife - I must admit she doesn't seem that bothered she either says hello or ignores me too - she always used to do that in the past where she wouldn't speak to you for two weeks and then be very chatty the week after. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2005): You do realize that love does not just happen, it must be nurtured through the years. You say you deeply love your husband so please, wake up, woman! Get your thoughts about this other man in perspective and think hard on this. You my dear, have simply a 'physical lust' for this other woman's husband. And what you want (great sex) is NOT worth the devastation, the pain and destruction of two intact families.
Let's theorize for a minute. Say...you were to begin an affair with this man, you may believe that you have found that perfect someone and you may decide he is exactly what you want. So what do you do? You shatter your husband, he devastates his wife-you both pack up and say goodbye to your marriages and all the friends, the good life you made when you were couples with other people. Not to mention the pain and loss your children will endure. But that's okay, because you both are so blinded by so-called love (lust, perhaps) that only your feelings count. And so the fairytale life begins, you live the glorious life with the new lover for a few months and then...click..you wake up one morning and a light bulb goes on in your head. You realize that you have exactly the life that you had before-the only difference is that you've devastated lives of people you love-lost your friends, your children's respect and the best friends you both ever loved and shared everything with for many years. And you miss them. Not to mention, hun, You are living with a man who cheated with you and chances are, once he tires of you, he may do it to you. (something to think about) End of the fairytale.
Dear..heed these words. The love of a good partner and marriage is truly precious and you won't know how precious it is until you have thrown it away. We cannot expect a relationship or another individual to make us "blissfully happy." We have to be happy within ourselves, first and foremost. Like I said before "Love does not just happen; it must be nurtured through the years. If you are currently exploring the question, am I happy in my current relationship and do I want mess around? Think again, girl. Do not make the this mistake or you will pay a heavy price. You need to continue focusing all your love and committment on your husband and family. Incorporate the art of loving with your husband into your daily life, as an individual, and as part of a couple in a loving, committed relationship. Stay strong and resist, resist, resist!! Your future and inner happiness will depend on that...take care.
Hugs,
Irish
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 October 2005):
 Gee whiz what can you do to take your mind off your HUSBAND'S friend? How about knitting, sewing, gardening, crossword puzzles....or maybe just using some common sense. Maybe if you didn't live in a fantasy world you might be able to get to the bottom of your eldest son's problems.
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