A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my husband left me almost a month ago said he didnt love me and that he wanted to be friends after the divorce and then maybe more, i dont know about all of that but he acts as if he doesnt know if he is sure of himself or if he isnt,my mom and brother saw him with another girl in my car when i asked him he simply said he took her and her BOYFRIEND to their apt. i didnt see this so i cant assume anything all i know is he is confusing me to the point that well im confused ,he wont finish the divorce papers but wants a quick divorce,can anyone help me to understand and tell me what to do he calls everyday i try not to answer but he will just keep calling me then theres the all time favorite question what are you doing,what are you ganna do this weekend please help me.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 January 2011):
 I agree with chocoholic as well. I think she is absolutely right.
He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Meaning he wants to be single but still have you in his life. Why? Because it's nice to be single, but not nice to be lonely or alone.
If you have no intentions of being his "FWB" I suggest you cut the contact to a minimum and focus on moving on without him in your life. You can still be cordial, but I honestly wouldn't waste any more time on this guy.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 Chocoholic forever hit the nail on the head!!! Brilliant answer!!
I agree. He is weak and insecure and he is holding onto you, whilst not wanting you, until someone better comes along.
If I had to guess, I'd say he was having a fling with someone and then decided he wanted to be free from marriage...maybe that person finished with him and so now he is thrashing about trying to get what he wants.
The thing is WHAT DO YOU WANT???
He has abandoned you, so start enforcing the divorce closure yourself. Don't tell him what is going on in your life. If he calls, just say 'I don't have time to speak to you at the moment' and put the phone down.
He said he doesn't love you and has been seen with other women...well jolly good luck and good riddance to him.
He thinks he is running the show by delaying the divorce so he can faff around messing up your life. That's a perfect time for you to cut the rug from under him, get what you want and move on to a better and happier life. Make sure you fight for every penny your entitled to and always put your needs first. He put you in this situation so it's his own dumb fault if it goes bad for him.
Keep up the fight and don't let him confuse you further.
Let us know how it goes?
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (27 January 2011):
I have a couple of interpretations but you know him better than anyone else so you be the judge
one is he's emotionally weak and afraid of being alone so he's clinging to you, even though he's the one who initiated the divorce.
he wants to divorce but remain friends and "maybe more" - what the heck does that mean? he wants to be friends with benefits?
He does not want to be married to you anymore, clearly he has decided that he's not getting what he wants out of your marriage. If so, fine, divorce is perfectly valid. but at the same time it looks like he's insecure and afraid to be on his own. I bet that the minute he gets a new girlfriend he'll drop off the face of the earth as far as you're concerned.
Another interpretation is that he's insecure in not wanting YOU to move on faster than him, so he's calling you all the time to keep tabs on you.
Either way, if it makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to entertain his calls. You're not married anymore, you don't owe him anything. You decide what you are and are not OK with as far as redefining your relationship with him. Don't feel like you owe him anything.
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