A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, how is everybody doing?I need some help, it's been about a month now dating my online boyfriend. We really want to see each other in person, but it's very hard to do so, when he lives about 3 hours away. And neither of us has a drivers license. And I'm about to go crazy, because it's been almost 4 years since I've actually hung out with any kind of friend. Because I moved.And about my boyfriend, we used to have good conversations, on the phone and while talking on the internet, but when I start asking him questions, he doesn't like answering them. Because he wants to have a real conversation, the problem with that is, my mind is always blank and I don't know what to talk about. I'm 19 and he's also 19. I mean I feel really bad because I never know what to talk about, not even with my friends. So can some one Please Help me Please I really need it?!... And i would also like to some how surprise him on valentines day by going to see him. I've never told anybody in my family that I've ever had a boyfriend before. And I definitely don't really wanna tell them now, because he's an online boyfriend, and they don't think there's actually good people from online, I know that there is a lot of people that pretend and stuff, but we do Love each other, I know that this may be to soon, but I've actually had a few online boyfriends, and this one I cannot stop thinking about, its hard for me to fall asleep at night, and also, he's the only one that really talks to me anymore too, and also like a few other friends like maybe 5,that talk to me, and some family members! And I also already have a son, and he's 2 years old now, and my boyfriend has already been calling him our son. And my boyfriend said that he wants a kid of his own by blood, so we've been talking about that too, like what kind of names, but I know that I'm not gonna rush into that part yet. But yea...I truly Love him with all of my Heart, I really cannot stop thinking about him.But I'd like to have conversations with him like a lot of stuff, but nothing comes to my mind, can anybody give me any advise, or any ideas of what to talk about with my boyfriend? Cause lately all we've been talking about is "what are you doing," "hows your day going!"Oh yeah I would like to include a few more details to, he said his mom loves me because he told his mom that my son was his real son. And his cousin doesn't like me, so he and my boyfriends ex girlfriend hacked his facebook, and broke up with me that way, and I felt really bad cause I thought it was true, then we had a little argument about it, just for a few minutes, but were good now. His sister wanted me to hang out with her a few weeks ago. And also my boyfriend and his mom wants me to come stay the night at there house. I don't know how I could do that with out anyway of getting there. I mean I am over 18 now, I'm 19 years old and I can make my own decisions right? I've been asking my mom if I could go stay the night at an online friends house, (I told her that it was his sister that's my friend, that wants me to come stay the night at her house, I know that's a lie, but we really want to see each other, and were both about to go crazy because that's how much we Love each other and want to see each other, but my mom keeps saying "I don't know" or "I don't know them")And I know this is kinda wrong thinking this, but I do sometimes feel like he's been lying to me about some stuff!So Please I need some really good advise on what to do, and how to say stuff, and what to talk about with my boyfriend. I really would appreciate it, Thanks! :)p.s.I mean I do have a way of getting there, but no way getting back to my house. Because his mom said she would come and pick me up. I would tell him to tell his mom to come and get me, but I wouldn't have anyway of getting back home. So yea...and also, my boyfriend and his mom wants me to come move with them. I mean I would but, when I have these feelings that he's been lying to me. And I don't know if I actually trust him that much. And I really do Love him lots. I really want to move out to, because there's to many people living here, like 10, and they all bug me to much, I became everybody's slave here, I mean when dinners done, they all want me to serve there food to them, or do there laundry for them, I don't want to be there slave anymore. They ask me to do stuff I don't want to do. One of my family members pats me on the back constantly which is very annoying. They also try to bribe me into doing things that I don't wanna do. I am also very shy, I am shy around my family to, I can't even ask them anything unless it's on facebook or on a sheet of paper. I mean I must be very lame huh? There's more to this but I don't wanna bore anybody, and I can't think of how to say it either. So please give some advise if you would! I would be very Thankful/Grateful! :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, nallia +, writes (27 January 2011):
 here you go.
first off, do not be quick to trust online people. i dated an online guy who lived 1500 miles away. we dated on and off from 14 until i was 21.
they are not all they are cut out to be, its also been proven most online relationships don't work. and think of all the stuff you miss when dating someone so far away? no dates, no prom date, no dinners, no movies? if you get involved with a person online you tend to fade out of the world and miss everything.
i regret it, i didn't have a date to my prom, i had to take my sister, i didn't have someone to see movies with because i had iscolated myself from all my friends, and one inparticular i really regret. the one friend i wish i would have noticed because he cared so much for me, was right under my nose, and guess what, i didn't know until he left to be in the military, and i told him i hated him and that it wasn't true when he was trying to talk since to me about long distance online.
guess what...he died and i never got the chance to say i loved him in return or even apologize, because i was so glued to my computer, i didn't do much with him, didn't make very many memories in the 13 years i knew him, and have only one picture of him and i in highschool...you miss so much with online dating.
i got to meet the guy i dated online when i was 21, if you are so persistent in meeting this guy, tell your parents about it, you never know what will happen to you with him, you don't know him after a month, i didn't even know mine after speaking with him via internet for 5 years, he was sweet but had a hidden dark side. anyway, first tell your dang parents to keep your butt safe and protected.
what i did is i told my parents, my parents asked to speak with his parents, they made a set date, and i was able to fly to maine from illinois to meet this guy, my parents allowed it because he was my age, still living at home, and his parents were going to be present.
never go off all willie nilly never, figure him out talk to him for atleast six months before meeting him and when you do, make it a public place with your parents incorporated, you gain alot of trust from his and your family this way, and its smart.
we do not need another jane doe dead because they chose to keep secrets and not understand that there parents were once there age as well. believe me, we don't give parents enough credit.
have your parents speak with his, set a date, have the parents escort you and get to know him and his family and take it from there, do not stay overnight though, and do not jump into bed with him, atleast until four months after you met him, you do not know this guy from adam but you think you do.
i was there i been there and back and regret ever doing it when the best thing i could of had was right under my nose, just to realize it too late, miss out on a whole lot of things, and lose the guy whom cared the most that i never noticed to a bomb under a caravan.
take my word for it, its no fun and not worth it, and in most cases do not last, and its not worth throwing half your life away or life experiences away for someone that could easily cheat on you without your knowledge.
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