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writes: What should I do if my husband goes ahead with a DNA test?Based on a joke years ago, now my husband wants to do a DNA test on our child. I feel a biggest insult/humiliation in my life. I know I can not prevent him to do the test. But if he goes ahead, I don't think our relationship would stay the same because he breaks the trust/faith in our relatonship. What I should do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005): Let him take the test if you have nothing to hide, its obvious that he already has trust issues with you because of this joke, let him do this as it just reassurence for him so he can stop stressing and feel more secure in the relastionship.But just think of it this way would you rather him go get a dna test done to clear all suspicions he has or he not get the test done & keep getting more stressed out about it and just leave the relationship all together.
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reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (29 November 2005):
 Well, one thing is for sure, the more determined you are to prevent this happening, the more he is going to wonder what you have to hide. There is no use trying the ‘breaks the trust’ angle now, you have already broken the trust by making him feel the need to go through with this. I am sure your husband has been going through the biggest humiliation of his life since you came out with your joke.I can only assume you joked about having slept with the milkman or some such thing. Maybe your husband isn’t as confident about the relationship as you are. Maybe you should be a little more sensitive to this.I suggest you try to support him in what he feels the need to do, but tell him you are sorry that this has gotten to the stage where he feels this is necessary. When he finds out his fears were unfounded, he will feel guilty for having it done, so its damage limitation – give him a big hug, and let him know that he never has to worry about such a thing ever happening.
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reader, wiltingmagnolia +, writes (29 November 2005):
I'm wondering what kind of joke that was to make your husband doubt you. If there is no reason for him to doubt you then let him go ahead with it and then he has some serious "I'm sorry"'s to do. Then I would suggest some kind of counselling for the two of you to get this out of the way. If there is a reason for him to doubt you, then tell him. A DNA test isn't surgery, it's simple, and if he wants to pay for it, let him. And let him owe you some big apologies. If your child is old enough to see what's going on, then try to keep this behind closed doors and not in front of him/her. And let your husband make it up to your child too when it's over, just make sure he explains that it was a cruel joke, something that shouldn't be joked about and he was terribly wrong.
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reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 November 2005):
 Apparently your husband doesn't think this is a joke and must have some basis for his doubts as to whether this is his chld. If it is his then great, but if he finds out differently then "Lucy you have some splainin' to do". I feel sorry for the child caught in the middle of this, I hope both of you will act responsibly and look out for his/her's well-being with the utmost care.
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