A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to my husband for 13 yrs. Many people say oh it has been wonderful yrs for themselves, I cannot. It has been hard.I have no desire for him sexually, he is very short fused, w/ me and our 3 children. he calls them names, that you would call someone in a bar, and treats me w/ no respect. But at the same time he acts like nothing is wrong and claims to have no problems w/ our marriage. The funny thing is he only acts this way from what I can see w/ us. He pushs me to where sometimes I lose my control.When I talk to him about this he complains that I am trying to make myself out to be the victim. I have tried several ways to approch this w/him but no luck. He will take someone else's advice before mine.Counciling was a joke each try, it only made things worse at home. He is only this way on certain times, its like he clicks and loses it. I think something is mentally wrong, but to him anyone w/ mental health issues are crazy (ignorance).I sleep in different room and enjoy it that way. When we are getting along all he does is grab at me, but he doesnt understand that I am still hurt. He never says his sorry to me, I catch him saying to the kids when he is out of lineHelp what to do. I cannot afford to leave.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): I agree with the others. You've got to get out of this awful marriage and make a new life for yourself. Do a lot of research about your options and work toward that goal.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): i AM GOING THROUGH the same thing and I say we couldget our kids together and figure rent that way i would be long gone if I hade the money and skills to raise 2 children by myself
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): He is passive aggressive --you will need to take care of yourself and nnot allow him to control you. I'm sorry...I am dealing with the same issue.
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (11 July 2007):
 You have to figure out a way to leave. He doesn't think anything is wrong, because everything is basically staying the same. You're not leaving with the kids. He's obviously not going to change.
At the very, very least, can you send your kids off somewhere SAFE without you? Your parents? A sister? A brother? Use what you have for family as a support system. If no family, do you have a best friend? Anyone?
I highly suggest that you go to a counselor by yourself. Alone. Tell them what they need to know and then have them help you get out of there. They will know what local resources you can use to get out. Credit card debt is a scary thing too, but not half as scary as seeing your children abused! Do what you have to do.
Even call a local women's shelter and just ask them what they suggest! Abuse, even verbal/emotional can be so crippling to the victim. Don't let it get to you.
I think it's important that you leave because if he's so unstable, and you think it could be a psychological/chemical imbalance thing, he could snap and do way more damage than you ever imagined. You do not want that to happen. The people that kind of stuff happens to usually don't ever expect it could get that bad.
Get scared. Get strong. Leave.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2007): This is the exact same situation that I have at home with my parents. Since my dad was diagnosed with depression about 4 years ago he has been behaving exactly the same with me, my mum and my brother and I understand what a horrible living situation it creates. My parents have been married for about the same time as you and your husband and they are staying in separate rooms too. My mum says the only reason she can't leave is because of money too. I agree with eyeswideopen, you should research the options for women in your situation. It sounds like you have tried everything you can to fix your marriage. My mum has been 'making the best of it' and waiting for everything to right itself for about 5 years now. Shes just turned 40. It's never going to happen so why not make a move towards moving on soon so that you have the rest of your life to make a fresh start as quickly as possible? Lifes too short to hang around waiting for something that may never happen. I'm sorry if this sounds biased but I have watched my mum suffer for so long, I just wish she had realised 5 years ago that she needed to get out and it would have saved everyone a lot of heartache.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 July 2007):
 I don't think you can afford to stay. There is always a way. Check with any local women's agency and get all the information they have to offer women in your situation. Your husband is not going to make any changes to accommodate your feelings. If counseling only made things worse then it's time for you two to split the blanket. You need to start making plans right now. Good luck and keep us posted.
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