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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My husband told me yesterday that he was gay. It wasn't a big announcement, he just said to me "I have something to tell you, it's important!" so I sat down and listened. He admitted he was gay, and said tearfully "I DON'T want to be this way! I want you, I want to like women", and said how he's never cheated on me and doesn't want to cheat on me with a man.He says he's glad he's married to his best friend (me!) and that he loves me. He also said he wants to be attracted to women and has self-loathing for his attraction to men.He says that he's read on Wikipedia about "ex-gay" and wants to be an ex-gay, but has worries about ex-gay programs. He says he wants to seek help but doesn't know how.I would like to know how we can deal with this? Anyone able to help us?My husband is a lovely man and I love him as much as he loves me.Please help us, we feel like we're in a situation with no way out.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): I have to start of by saying you guys sound like you have a wonderful loving relationship. And to be honest i can think of nothing better than being married to my best friend. I am concerned that your husband is finding ignoring is gay self difficult right now or he wouldn't be crying and seeking ex-gay clubs to 'cure' him. There is no cure so basically he'll have to see if his love for you is and remains greater than his want to be with a man.At the end of the day you too are attracted to men but you choose to love and be faithful to him. I wish you guys lick and happiness. If the worse happens and you part i really hope you do remain friends as good ones are hard to find.
A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (19 May 2009):
 I believe that there is nothing you can do to change sombodies sexual orientation. Since I believe its genetic.
His lust and attraction towards men won't change. However
if he loves you and is loyal, his homersexuality should not effect your marriage too much. However if he is gay he is and has never been actaully in love with you. however for a marriage to work succesfully its love that matters mostly in my opinion and also if you like each others personality. take care !
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A
female
reader, pebble  +, writes (18 May 2009):
 If he is able to make himself 'ex-gay' then why did he 'make' himself gay in the first place? Does that make sense?
My point is, you cannot choose. He has no choice over his sexuality. If he's gay, he's gay.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (18 May 2009):
 Ex-Gay? Now there's an interesting theory, unfortunately as you don't choose your sexuality (no matter what certain political and religious movements say) I can see a flaw in his plan!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 May 2009):
It's pretty much impossible to change a person's sexuality.
If he is gay then he is gay. If he is sexually attracted to you then it could be that he is bi-sexual.
What this means for your marriage is another thing.
He doesn't HAVE to go off with men. He can stay loyal to you.
You have to figure out if he can be happy with just you, and if you can be married with a man who may never want sex with you.
Get some professional counselling together to figure out what you want to do.
Good Luck!! xx
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