A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So here is the situation, my husband of just under a year is a serial flirt! We have been together now for a few years and have a couple of kids so we decided to tie the knot.However before we got married I knew he was a flirt and I have always though he had had relations with younger women but I just ignored it as I love him.Now almost a year on he is still the same girls just won't leave him alone and he can't keep his hands off them, I suppose foolishly I figured after we got married it would all be fine and he would settle down but he hasn't. At one point he was stalking another woman but I took him on about that he told me it was true and that it was a silly mistake an he wished he hadn't but I think he still texts her (unlike some women I don't bother checking his phone, email etc as I don't want to know what he says. Recently he has been interested in a girl at his work place she is about 11 years his junior and he always talks about her, she did this she did that. He admitted he found her attractive and was in fact perusing her at work, he apologised again and said he would stay away so he left his job.End of story right? No he got in touch with his work place and passed on all of his details mobile email addresses and asked for her to get in touch and she did! Some nights I come home and he seems in a great mood and other just okay I'm concerned he is stalking her like the other lady but he denies it.I'm just concerned as she is so young and I don't want her to get messed up in this. I honestly don't know what to do anymore I have never spoken to anyone except my best friend but now I need to know whether he has had his chances even though I still love him.Any advice please even If its harsh .
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at work, best friend, flirt, stalking, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all your advice, it's difficult I suppose as I love him and wish he loved me as much. Things you mention about stds I hadn't really thought about as I was just blocking out what he was doing.I will use your support and start looking at a new life even though it's going to be hard. Thank you again for your honesty kit helps to see it from a different angle.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): I'm going to give you more to consider,to help you to make a life decision regarding your marriage. Men who fool around while married risk infecting their wives with HIV and other STD's. Most married people don't use condoms, and it is likely he isn't using one with other women. Even if he is, all diseases aren't spread by sexual contact alone. He can contract herpes and other STD's through oral contact.You may take all this casually, but you have to consider your health and personal well-being. I can't understand how you knowingly allow this man to carry on as he does. You've sought advice, and now it has been given. I only hope you will make a decision that will eventually bring you happiness; and your children are still young enough to easily adapt to a change in their home environment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): Well you know he will never change. People don't change. So your options are to either leave him since he isn't behaving as a husband should and never will, or if you insist on staying with him then you're just going to have to learn to accept that he will always cheat on you and to just try to be happy he at least comes home to you and shares some things with you that he doesn't with the other women (like finances for example) . Both are pretty crappy options but this is what happens when you make a major bad decision by picking he wrong person to marry and have kids with. Oh another thing is I would advise upu to no longer sleep with him. He could give you and STD. And besides he has repeatedly broken the marriage contract so you're under no obligation to give him anything.Personally I don't know why you would stay a minute longer. Marriage doesn't make cheaters into faithful partners.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (13 March 2013):
 Well, you knew how he was before you married him you say? You should've not married him if that was the case. If he had/has any respect for you he would leave these girls alone ok. And as for you, let me put it this way. You don't marry a pornstar knowing what his job is and then complain about it after when you knew before hand that's what his job was.You don't marry an actor and then complain when he gets a sex scene in a film and has to do it. You knew the day would come.Now tying in with our situation: you don't marry a flirt, knowing his a flirt then expect him not to flirt around once the ring is on his finger. He flirted through your courting, through your engagement and you knew about it but still married him. If he didn't respect you enough before, what made you think he'd start after? A ring on some peoples finger is merely a piece of jewelry to flash with no sentimental value to it. All im saying is, you knew, you still dated, had kids with, and married this guy. What he is doing is wrong BUT its not like you only found out about this yesterday. Rethink and evaluate your life. you rushed in to something that felt wrong from the start. All you can do now is either:*leave him*go for counselling*or just live with this crapHope you figure out what to do and SoON
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): What will it take for you to seek a divorce? What kind of environment do you want for your kids, and what do you want for yourself? Why did you marry him in the first place?You are asking a question that should have been in your head before you married this so-called "flirt." If he cheats, he's more than a flirt. He has no respect for you or your marriage.Your children will sense the tension in your marriage. They will eventually become old enough to know what he's doing and resent the both of you. Him for hurting you, and you for allowing them to live in a dysfunctional environment under the pretense all is well. He's a stalker. He's carrying on with another woman and you are aware of it!Stop saying you love him. You're afraid to let go and be on your own. Afraid to face being a single mom, and afraid to really admit life sucks because of him. Are you putting up with this in exchange for financial security?Get a good lawyer and get your life together. I don't know if you have a college degree. I suggest you get an education if you don't, and build some confidence. Once all is set with the other woman, he'll leave you anyway. He seems to be having an affair right under your nose. Worse, in your face.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): Im so sorry that you are going through this. I know how you feel. My fiance is a huge flirt. And I have trust issues with him. But I love him so much. My advice is to talk to him about how you feel and see if he would be willing to go to counseling with you. I know its hard, but if you two truley love each other you can work though this. Good luck!
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