A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 20 years to a guy who takes me completely for granted, we have no kids because he doesn't want any (I do!)Just lately I have been attracted to another man at work. I got a new job working in the same office as this man, I have known him for years and have always felt attracted to him, but never knew he felt the same until a couple of months ago. Now I think about this guy all the time, mainly because we are both married and I know he will never be permanently with me! We have slept together a couple of times and I love being in his arms! Trouble is it is so hard keeping it a secret at work when I feel so madly about him! Should I try to make my marriage work and lose the other guy (very difficult to ask!) or just carry on as is making myself miserable because work guy doesn't want me all the time?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): I think that you should not be with either of them. You wouldn't have cheated on your husband if you wanted to be with him as cheating is putting your marriage at jepody and your married lover doesn't neccessarily want to give up his marriage for you. Start afresh with someone who isn't attached.
A
female
reader, SweetSixteen +, writes (23 January 2007):
 if you're not happy in yor marriage you should get out of it, an unhappy marriage is never a good one. it might be complicated with this other guy though but if you like him and he likes you and you're wiling to wait around my view is wait.
but why listen to me i'm only 16. your future should be your choice and you don't need anyone to decide yor future for you.
remember no love is forbidden
hope i helped SweetSixteen!
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (21 January 2007):
 You say that the other married guy does not want you all the time. He does not feel the same way as you and there is not evidence that his wife takes him for granted.
He had affair with you because he could.
You need to forget about married guy, he brings further complication to your life which you do not need, no matter how madly you feel about him at the moment.
I agree with Melschatbox, if you need to get out of marriage do it for yourself not for feelings for any other guy.
If you can, try to work on your marriage, speak to your husband, talk about how you can both improve things.
After 20 years, difficult to find out that he still does not want kids. I would have discussed this before getting married. Is this a compromise you are willing to make?
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A
female
reader, melschatbox  +, writes (21 January 2007):
 WEll, I could be exactly in your shoes right now. I am so unhappily married at the moment. My husband works in another state and is enrolled in school there also. We hardly see one another and I just keep getting more lonely everyday! I met someone online and we had a real connection. Luckily, he was respectful and we knew we had to stop talking and sharing our feelings to the extent that we were or we were going down "The hill of infedility". He didn't want that for me and vice versa. (He wasn't married). Soo...what I'm saying here is..he fulfilled my needs emotionally for me as I feel my husband is not doing. But... I need to decide to work on my marriage or get out. That's what you have to decide also. Don't make more trouble for yourself. Your probably just infatuated with the secrecy of this guy and the whole hush hush thing at work. Get out of your marriage for yourself ...not another man. Wish you the best!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): if that otha guy only wants to have sex then its not a question of "choosing" because u cant choose him anyway. Forget the work guy and sort your marriage out! Because i promise u will end up with no one at all!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): Dear anonymous,
I can definitely identify with your feelings of being taken for granted. I was not married as long as you but I was also taken for granted. What I did learn from cheating on my husband with another married man was that it is very possible to have your heart broken by two men at the same time. Please think about it.
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A
female
reader, [email address blocked] +, writes (20 January 2007):
You should (and this may seem so hard, but it is necessary), leave the guy at work alone! He is using you for funa dn sex, as you are him theoretically. Unfortunately for you however, women use sex in order to get emotional support and intimacy. Men on the other hand use the guise of intimacy and emotional support in order to get sex. Nothing good is going to come of your relationship with the guy at work. Even worse, imagine if someone at the job finds out. I'll go one even better; imagine if he begins to mess around with someone else at the job, or just someone else period. You will feel like crap. Just spare yourself the agony of making a bad situation even worse. If things are that bad with your husband, then just complete that chapter of your life first and then start over with someone new legitimately.
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