A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My partner of 10 years and father of our 2 children,youngest 6months old has been sort of offhand with me for the past few weeks.He came home tonight and blurted out he had been seeing a co-worker for the past few weeks and has finished with her as she began to come on strong with him and he realised he didnt want to lose me and the kids.Iam shocked as he is the last person I thought would do this .I asked him why and he says itwas he felt I had no time for him since I had the last baby. I told to go and stay at his mothers as I am in shock. He has begged and pleaded with me to give him a chance.He said it was a wake up call when he realised what he had to lose . He has been a good dad and partner. He swore this was the first time he cheated and thats why he had to tell me this time. what do I do ?do I give him a chance.He told me everything I asked him and he didnt sleep with her which I believe.It was heavy petting etc .He said there was no point in telling me unless he told the whole truth.I might never have found about this but he said he told me he couldnt live with it on his conscience.Please help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): heavy petting or not, he tasted forbidden fruit. would he be so kind as to permit you to taste the same elsewhere too?where there is smoke there is fire.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): The long road is to forgive and move on and work it out with him.
I wouldn't buy the heavy petting story. A good rule of thumb here is the tip of the iceburg theory: Whatever is first admitted or discovered usually represents but a small fraction of the truth.
He sure looks forthcoming I sure hope it is only what he said it is -
Be careful and take care -
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Honestly, 10 years, 2 kids and the worst that has happened is that he had a short relationship with a co-worker that didn't get as far as sex AND he made an unforced and tearful confession. As men go, you have something close to a saint on your hands. Hold on to him, don't beat him up about it or use it to score points, get a little couples counceling if you are in to that sort of thing.
I am a serial (and parallel too:-)) cheater and if what you write is accurate, my gut tells me quite strongly that this guy is not one of us.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Fairy Godmother  +, writes (13 April 2009):
 I'm not surprised you are in shock. However, your husband hasn't slept with this person, you must trust that he has told you the truth about all that has happened, he is obviously deeply sorry and he wants to mend your relationship. If you still love him then I believe you owe it to yourself, to him and to your children to work through this together. It's so hard when you have the demands of children to find time and energy to give to your partner. This other woman fulfilled a need in your husband that you have not been able to i.e. attention (I am not criticising you in any way, by the way). (I'm sure you probably feel the same at times and would like more attention from your husband?) Most men would much rather get what they need at home from their wife or partner, than have to find it elsewhere. He doesn't want to be the bad guy I'm sure. Please can you find it in your heart to forgive him? I hope you will both make some time to really talk all this through, listen to one another and truly hear one another. Then I hope you can begin to mend your relationship by giving each other what you have both been missing: quality time together, time to talk and be intimate. With best wishes for happier times ahead.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): what will you accept - that he only cheated once and confessed? if you find out that it was more times and it actually involved sex, then what?if you take him back, what guarantees he wouldn't do this again? yes, he is now remorseful, but was he just expecting you to forgive him and move on because he confessed.he needs to sweat this one out for a while. don't just take him back, it will be too easy for him. if you do fully take him back, there has to be new rules, new guarantees and new commitment to you, the lids and the marriage.
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