A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am so mad at my husband and I am almost ready to call it quits. I would really appreciate some opinions on my situation.On Christmas Eve our neighbors were having a party. We were not invited and had no intentions on going as they are new neighbors and we don't even know them. As I was putting our kids to bed my husband said he was going to go next door introduce himself and that he would be back in about 15 minutes. I had no problem with that at all. So, after I put the kids to bed I spent some time cleaning up the house and was waiting for him to return before I put the presents under the tree. (As we usually do that together) Well, an hour goes by so I decided to go ahead and put the presents under the tree. I was still not upset with him at this point and was more than willing to let him enjoy himself for awhile. So, then 2 hours goes by, mind you I'm right next door and he didn't even call me or come home to ask me if I mind if he stayed for a little while longer. At this point I was irritated but I wasn't going to let it ruin my evening. SO, three hours goes by (by this time it's 1:30am)and he comes stumbling and said, "you can be mad if you want, but these mexicans over here got me drinking!" That stupid comment irritated me even more than I already was, so I told him not to even talk to me at that moment. He said O.K. and grabbed the beer he had in the fridge and walked back next door. That pissed me off! I sat on the couch trying to remain calm and as I'm sitting there, (alone on Christmas Eve), I hear the music thumping and girls whooping and hollering and the anger continued manifesting inside me. So, finally around 2:30am I decided to lock the front door and go to bed. I didn't know if he had his keys, but unfortunately it's easy to break into our house using a credit card, and he is very aware of this as he's the one who taught me how to do it. I was awakened at 7:30am the sound of tapping on the front door. I opened the door and he walked in as if nothing ever happened and asked me if I was ready for Christmas. I was SOOOOOOO pissed off. He spent the entire night over there and it's not like these are long time friends or anything, he just met them! He said he tried to come home at 4:30am and the door was locked, so instead of trying to get in or even KNOCK on the door, he just went back and crashed for a few hours. I was so angry and I did cuss him for a few minutes. He still acted as if it was no big deal, but it was a huge deal to me. I tried ignoring him the rest of the day and it pissed him off so he back fired on me saying if I wanted to leave him then just leave, and many other stupid shit. What makes this even worse is that I have left him before for his drinking problem. I went back to him because he was working on it and doing much better, but as soon as he became comfortable with our relationship again, he slowly began drinking more and more. On top of dealing with all the stress from the kids I have to deal with him being drunk all the time, going on and on about how he knows he's f*%#ing up but can't stop and he rambles on and on and on about dumb shit!!! I'm already about to lose my mind, but the incident on Christmas Eve sent me over the edge? Am I over reacting by wanting to call it quits or this a legitimate reason considering the circumstances? (Sorry this is so long!)
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): There's a whole new world out there just waiting for you, leave the bum,and Fly into that wonderful, new world.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys, I didn't think I was over reacting, considering everything at hand. I had to leave him before because he became physically and menatlly abusive. He doesn't go to AA like he is supposed to, and he's in ASAP now for drinking and driving. I came back to him because he was getting help and going to church with me, etc. I even feared that it would go back to the same thing, but he reassured me over and over and I think it was just easier to go back then to be out on my own with 2 young boys to take care of. I am literally disgusted with him and I can't stand the life that I'm living with him. A big part of me wants to leave him for good, and the other part of me is scared and confused. Any other suggestions?
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (26 December 2007):
 You're not over reacting to his behavior. IT sounds like he got caught up in the festivities and didn't consider you and your kids. That was his mistake. He should have at least invited you over.
It also sounds strange that he would venture to the neighbors door on Christmas Eve, not even knowing them. The part about them being Mexican, music thumping and females whooping it up is irrelevant. Your husbands behavior is the point to be dealt with.
If he feels that he owes you no explanation, he's wrong. Should you leave him? That depends on what transpires when you sit down and actually deal with his issues. Of course, my reply is based on the understanding that you've given all the facts.
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A
female
reader, ew1097 +, writes (26 December 2007):
Oh my goodness!! You have the absolute right to be angry, pissed, and ready to walk out the door. There are several factors here. He chose to go next door to party instead of sharing in your tradition of putting the presents under the tree. He's next door with men AND WOMEN. Not saying he did anything with them but I'd have a problem with that. The drinking is the biggest problem. You left him because of his drinking before, so who knows that kinds of headache and heartache he's caused for you to leave him then. You agreed to get back with him and work things out and he has the nerve to throw it in your face by telling you to leave if you want to!!!!! Was he still drunk when he said this? I know it's harsh either way but it may make a bit of difference whether he said this drunk or with a sober mind.
Re-evaluate the entire situation and see if its in your famly's best interest to stay together. I could only imagine the vibe that your children felt on Xmas day. Does he go to AA meetings or counseling for the drinking.
I'll say it again, you have the absolute right to be angry!
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