A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for almost a year with a wonderful man that I have known since high school. We lost touch and then found each other again. When we met up again, we fell in love. It has been wonderful, but lately I have been unhappy. I have gained 20 pounds since we first started talking. I went from 145 to 165. It was so much easier for me to be motivated when I was single. Anyway, lately he has been telling me that my weight turns him off and that if I keep going like I am, I will reach 200. He's a personal trainer, but instead of encouraging me, all he does is makes me feel unattractive. It's to the point where I don't even want to have sex with him anymore because I'm terrified that he is judging me. It's to the point where I'm crying myself to sleep because of the things he does and says about my weight. I know he's right, but at the same time, should I be with a guy that makes me feel horrible? He's a sweet, wonderful man, but is disgusted by overweight people. Will this every change? Will we be happy again once I lose the weight, or will he find something new to criticize me about?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice..I will tell him what I feel instead of sitting in the dark about it. Thank you for the quick replies and God bless.
A
female
reader, Dawnie  +, writes (26 December 2007):
 I'm sorry to say this but he does not sound a very nice person.In his line of work as a personal trainer he should encourage you IF you want to lose weight but to be hurtful and judgemental is not an attractive quality in a man. Don't lose weight to please him, do it for yourself, and only if YOU want to. There are plenty of men out there who are more interested in personality than whether someone has put on weight.I would like to lose a little weight and i intend to do so in the new year, eating healthily and walking. But i'm doing it for me, no-one else.
The fact that you don't want sex with him and are crying yourself to sleep over his comments is awful. A relationship should be loving and fun, not this awful situation you are in. Good luck. xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): Well, ask to header to the gym with him, if he is really that concerned then he will allow you to work out iwht him, why did you suddenly just gain weight? Stop eating things that you shouldnt or soemthing.. i dont really know its not that difficult. If he is a personal trainner shouldnt he be able to help you. If not dumb his sorry disgrace to the male population ass. Stop acting like a boozed up penny hooker and find a man that will apreciate you for who you are not what you look like.
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A
male
reader, Somethingeasy +, writes (26 December 2007):
 Sounds like hes the type of guy that needs someone around to degrade so he can be happy with himself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): Hello,
At no circumstances should you feel this way within a relationship, you are probably asking your self many questions such as 'Should I be with him?' 'Does he still love me?' 'Do I still love him as much as I did?' -
The first thing you need to do, is sit down and talk to him.. tell him straight up that you have been unhappy with his comments and that you really want to loose the added weight. Ask him for his help, if he is a fitness trainer he knows perfectly well how to get you back in shape - tell him to stop his comments, tell him they really hurt you and you don't feel valuable anymore.
If he persists in "bullying" about your weight, there is only one course you can take - and that is follow your heart.. no one should be treated in such a way in any relationship. You've got to ask your self, if he is really worth it if he can't accept you for the person you are.
Just talk to him, work together on your problem(s) - and you'll probably find his inspiration to help you comes from yours - theres no point sitting in the dark about it. The question of happiness is whether you felt you can see the same guy you fell in love with before, if you can - then I see no problems for your future.
Ryan
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