A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my BF for 3 years this upcoming month. Together, we've been quite anti-social over the course of our relationship save for a couple of friends. Recently, he's been speaking to a new girl in the town we've just moved too. Now, I don't really care who he speaks too but last week he met up with her and I just got a feeling something wasn't right. Quite honestly, I thought I trusted him but I'm beginning to realise that I had to because he didn't see or speak to any other girls whatsoever... until now. They met up and just hung out he claims. That's fine. Yesterday, I had promised that he would get laid. Our sex life is pretty dull and kind of inactive right now... mainly because I'm rarely in the mood. So, instead of staying in and having sex he goes out and meets up with her! The plan, as far as I knew, was that they could go play pool and he'd be back in a couple of hours. He was gone until 4AM. I know I shouldn't have, but I did check his phone whilst he was asleep. He wasn't at the pool hall, he was at her apartment smoking weed and drinking beer. Throughout our entire relationship he's been against weed and all other drugs. And the fact he was at her apartment alone just really hits me. We did have a couple of issues like this at the beginning of our relationship but it was just him flirting with other girls he would never meet because they lived half way across the world. I don't know what to do right now. I shouldn't have seen the truth on his phone but I know he also isn't going to tell me the truth.
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female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (3 June 2013):
 This girl is not the problem, the relationship is. He may or may not be cheating on you, but you know that he's lying to you, and you have crossed a different line by snooping in his private stuff. There is no honesty or trust in your relationship. Speak to him. You may as well confess to having snooped, because otherwise you'll have to hold on to this and can't say anything. He may turn it around and make you out to be the bad guy for snooping but if he is very defensive and quick to turn it on you that might be a sign of his guilt. Might. Why are you rarely in the mood for sex? I'm sure you have your reasons, but I suspect he is frustrated and bored with the whole relationship because there is no sex. In no way do I think it's right to cheat if your partner doesn't want as much sex as you do, BUT it is a reason why many people do cheat. You need to address this problem, because it is a problem. If you're stressed and have a lot on your mind then you need to deal with those things and make time for him. Sorry to be blunt but you're too young and you haven't been together long enough to have such a stagnant sex life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2013): If you aren't going to show him you love him, don't be surprised when he looks for love elsewhere.
If he wasn't really against weed, but you were when you two met...he lied to you.
If you aren't going to have sex with him because you are 'rarely in the mood' it is time to wake up! Either find the 'mood' or let him go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2013): First I am sorry that you are hurting! Second I am a little confused about a couple of things you mentioned here. Your title of your posting says "My husband spent the night at his friend's place" is he your husband or boyfriend?Also you've been together only 3 years and your sex life is pretty dull. No offence and please don't get me wrong if I am a bit harsh, but it is a kind of a red flag, early on in a relationship to have no sex, I am not saying sex is the only thing in a relationship but it is a very important aspect. You also seem to have trust issues, if you have trust in each other, he wouldn't hung out alone with other friends, guys or girls without you unless it is a boys night, you know what I mean !! If you trust him, you would not check his cell phone to discover that he went to this "friend" apartment.You need to be honest with him and tell him what you know. Apologize for your actions and for checking his cell phone behind his back, ask him why he lied to you. Trust is a major thing in any relationship, if once shaken, it is impossible to rebuilt again, it will always be there between the two of you.I hope this helps. All the best
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