A
female
age
36-40,
*fm
writes:My husband slept with he's cousin before we got together. she doesn't live in the same state as us.but when she comes down we obviously run into her seens she part of the family i don't like being around her or even the thought that she slept with my husband she's a whore I hate her and I recent my husband for it at times.I don't know how to get over it I don't know what to do.I hate that when we have party's and I find out she will be there we do not go because of her I don't know if we should keep away from her when she's down here or what to do need help!!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 December 2014):
 Um, the cousin is a whore? Well, YOUR husband slept WITH her too, she didn't put a gun to his head to have sex. So making this ALL about how SHE is the WHORE is kind of unfair. THEY both made a piss-poor choice not only to sleep with each other, but your husband shouldn't have told you. Because you don't seem to be able to handle this fact.
As hard as it may be you need to let this go, because :
1. It's IN the past.
2. YOU can't change the fact, NEITHER can your husband OR the cousin.
YOU waste PRECIOUS time being bitter over something that really should matter anymore, HIS sexual past is NONE of your control, in the sense that I already mentioned. IT can not be changed.
Look up retrograde jealousy. (YOOS) on DC have written some really good posts about it.
THIS really IS your problem, and YOU need to find a way to let it go.
Now with that said, I get that you find it icky or "ewww" that he would sleep with a cousin (or HER) - but I think you need to look at it like she ISN'T a cousin, JUST another woman.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 December 2014):
 I can't say I blame you for your feelings that is a vrystrange i to be sure.All you cy to do is place the"event" in a box(a mental excersise)nd move forward. By tting awd memories in little "brain cell boxes". Almost any sort of memory can be delt with. It's a zen thing so be patient and study up on the zen views of life. It will reward.
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