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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: 3 years ago, i thought i met the love of my life. I've been in the US for 4 years, since I've been working there i met this man, we got into a relationship and after 1 year, he proposed to me. I was madly in love with him. Since we got married, he has been only giving time for his work, and 0 times for me. He had always promised me that he will always treat me right, and that I'm the love of his life. Everything for really missed up since we got married. My family lives in Italy, and i have no family members around me here in the US, and i only put my trust on my husband, however, I've been feeling alone and out of love the past few months. It all started when i told him that we aren't spending some time together, he got mad and said 'how am i supposed to have fun when i have to work my ass off to build a family" i said nothing,and he didn't even bother to talk after that and the next day he acted as nothing happened. I decided to go and have fun with my friends every weekend, and he got very possessive since then, he would call me thousands of times when im out, or even call me to make sure where exactly I am, i got bothered of that and i confronted him and he replied: im afraid that something bad will happen to you. He never commented on the way i dress, and i do admit that i do wear revealing clothes, but he never said to me to cover up, but 3 weeks ago, i was going out with my friends to celebrate a birthday, and when i was about to go out the house, my husband shouted at me and said: where do you think you're going to?. I told him that im going out, and he said: "go change your clothes" (i was wearing a crop top with a knee length skirt). I shouted at him and told him that he can't control the way i dress because he never said anything about it. He got very angry and slapped me on the face, and said: my house, my rules. I went to the room and I've cried the whole day, i called my parents and they told me that i should get a divorce. i feel that its my fault too because i shouted at him. Im too scared of him now, he told me that he slapped me because he was angry that other men will see me in such clothes,and i found it a very poor excuse to hit me physically. Please tell me if i should get a divorce.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (6 August 2018):
 You're not convinced by what your parents are telling you and you're asking strangers on the internet for permission to divorce this guy?
Yes please, in that case!
He hit you... He could very well keep you locked up next to avoid men looking at you! I don't think it's going to be easy though, unless you have support from your family and friends. He could make things very messy for you by taking advantage of the fact that you're alone and helpless here.
Get help from family immediately and leave. As fast as you can.
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (5 August 2018):
 A poor excuse? Well there's NO excuse to physically assault you. EVER.
Please imagine if this was your daughter writing this?? What would you tell her- get far away and fast! Listen to your FAMILY, who are the ones that TRULY care.
What a cowardly little man. Forget about why you love/ loved him the negatives outweigh the positives.. he's resentful that he feels he "has" to make his wife happy- spend time on her and provide?? Well if he doesn't like it he can f**king leave, can't he.. NOT take out his tantrums on his woman.
Thinking he can kick/ punch you into shape into what HE wants? Just a disgusting and vile way to treat someone, anyone!
He's shown he cares shit all for you. Seems like he's a nasty little man that only cares about himself and needs to control people to alleviate his sad ego.
You're still very young and you seem to have rushed into this.. one year is not a long enough time to fully KNOW a person. You're finding that out the hard wag.
Please leave, divorce NOW. - no-one has a right to treat anyone this way.
Us, strangers on the internet care more about your than this wanker.. think about that. Take care of yourself!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (5 August 2018):
 I lived this life with my ex husband. I knew he had a temper, seen him punch holes in walls, break windows but never thought he would turn on me. At 19, I was very naive. We had only been married for a few months when he got angry and slapped me. I thought it was a one time thing. I was wrong. I was too ashamed and embarrassed to tell my parents. It escalated over a 2 year period until the day he broke my arm. Divorce followed in rapid fire succession. Don't allow ANYONE to hurt you physically! One they hit you, it won't stop. Please listen to your parents. Get out. NOW.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 August 2018):
 I think you SHOULD get a divorce. THIS will only escalate. OP, he is already controlling.
Checking up on you when you are out with friends. It's not because he CARES so much for your safety, it's because he feel he OWNS you and want to make sure you KNOW it.
Being ANGRY doesn't give ANYONE the right to slap you.
Unless you BOTH have AGREED on a dress-code ( like, in some Muslim families the women cover up, in some Jewish families the women are dressed modestly up in public, same for Christians, etc etc) HOW is it now HIS right to tell you what you can wear?
The fact that he pulled a "his house, his rules" SHOW that you are JUST another possession. You are NOT his equal.
Hitting you one time, is one time too many. And hitting you and NOT having an OUNCE of regret? Means it will happen again, even if you DO follow whatever ridiculous "law and rules" he want to institute.
So yes, I'd divorce him. Thank goddess you don't have kids with the man!
Your family is right.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2018): I'm so sorry you have had this happen to you. His behaviour is unacceptable. He is controlling and manipulative and now violent.He is abusive in every way. I had an abusive ex like this who would try to control everything I did and said. If I asked him about it, it would always be because he was worried about me. Bullshit. Or he would get very angry if I questioned his actions and his motives. I thought the man who abused me was the love of my life too. Sadly, these abusive men are very charismatic and loving and amazing. Also sadly, it is just an act to get you to commit to them. Once you have done so, you see their real colours. They then abuse you to break your confidence and self esteem, in an attempt to make you doubt your judgement and become more reliant on them. They try to isolate from your support network (family and friends), so you don't have anyone to ask about this kind of behaviour. Because it's difficult to judge this kind of thing, when you're with them. You start to blame yourself and this is what they want. They want you to think you are going crazy, being unreasonable and they are very good at this. You're husband wants to control you so you become submissive to him. He wants to control your every move so that you don't leave him for another man. Even if you decide to become the most submissive wife to appease your husband, that won't work either. He will change the goal posts and something that you did yesterday that was fine with him, will make you the worst person in the world tomorrow, in his eyes. Or he will pretend they will. It's all an act by the way. Any anger is displayed so that you don't question him. You stood up to him and he hit you. God I hate to think what this man is capable of. He KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING. AND he's doing it ON PURPOSE. So any talk or advice about going to counselling or having a talk with him is pointless. It just gives him more ammunition to hurt you with if he knows your doubts and fears. Please read up on abuse so you better understand what you're dealing with. The best book in my opinion is 'Why Does He Do That?' by Professor Lundy Bancroft. He knows the tactics of abusive men inside out. So do I now I have learnt about what happened to me. Which is why I try to help others on this site. Don't let your husband see what you are reading though. He won't like that you are learning about his ways. Read the book and I think you will see your husband's behaviour written down there in black and white. And I think that will tell you everything you need to know about whether to leave him or not. Good luck and stay safe. If and when you decide to leave he will not like it. You will need to think about having help to leave and somewhere safe to go.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 August 2018):
 Absolutely.
It starts with a slap, what next? Punch? Kick? Strangulation?
You said you’ve fallen out of love with him because he doesn’t prioritise you. Add that he’s abusive onto that and it’s a perfect reason to leave.
Get out whilst you still can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2018): He had no reason to ever put his hands on you. It will continue if you do not leave him. Never blame yourself for someone else abusing you. This is the start of an abusive relationship and you need to leave before it gets worse. It will never get better.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (5 August 2018):
 Whatever you do, do NOT get pregnant! Do NOT tie yourself to this controlling and abusive man for the rest of your life.
You do need to get a divorce and quickly. Don't have sex with him again and get on birth control if he may force you or use the morning after pill without fail.
Nobody should hit you.
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