A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a very simple question. Should I be worried? I got off work today to find a fb message from a girl my husband used to be friends with. It had a picture of a iPhone convo and her message to me read "this is not the first time your husband has implied a booty call to me but it most definitely will be the last, I thought you should know". I click on the iPhone convo picture she sent and the only "implied booty call" was a text timing from midnight saying "Hey Babe, how's it going". This was during a time that I had gone to sleep and he stayed up drinking a bit with a buddy (just in our apartment).I confronted my husband and he confirmed he sent the message but not as a booty call. He had seen her mother in the grocery store and it reminded him that he should catch up with his friend. My husband has used the word "babe" when saying hi to other close lady friends. Now what I'm upset at is this. It was midnight, he was tipsy, why did he then think of texting her after so long and in such a fashion? Should I be worried? I've been cheated on in the past from a boyfriend so I just don't want to be blindsighted.Any advice would help,Thanks
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 October 2014):
 I don't really believe his excuse. That he saw her mom and then at midnight while being drunk he decided to send her a "how you doing ?!" text. Yea, that doesn't add up.
Now, SHE might want to start drama or she actually don't WANT to be one of "those" women who don't CARE if a guy is single or not. Hard to say.
Now your husband was smart, he CONFIRMED he sent the message and then made it seem like it was totally innocent, did you ask him what he would think if YOU did the same?
I'm sorry, but no one tries to "catch" up at midnight... And I think it was a real dumbass move on your husband's side.
And I would bring it up and ask him if he is unhappy or unfulfilled. Then take it from there.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 October 2014):
 Oh dear... She said it wasn't the first time, so that implies something. Even if the text itself didn't say much, he did cross the line. Why send a text to a female FORMER friend, in the middle of the night?
You are right to be suspicious. So he saw her mother at the store? Then he would have sent a message right then and there. Not when at home, late at night, when drunk, and he was with a friend you say? This sounds bad in my ears.
You are married, so best to work through this. But you need to get him on board. Lay down some rules. Give him the benefit of the doubt on this one, but explain that cheating is a deal breaker and will be grounds for divorce. Texting girls in the middle of the night, and calling them babe, is on the edge and playing with fire. So as to have no further miscommunication, this behaviour needs to stop. No more texts after 10pm to lady friends. Period. No more calling them babe. This is a cuddle name and it IMPLIES that there is a connection beyond platonic friendship. If he's platonic friends with someone, then he needs to ACT like it as well, instead of implying that there is more. This girl read it as something more, and I am reading it as something more as well. If it truly wasn't anything more from his end, then this is a wake up call to him that he needs to STOP behaving in this way, because he will be misunderstood as wanting more than friendship.
Get him on board on these rules. If things don't improve, then start thinking about couples therapy or counseling, because you and him have very different ideas about what is acceptable in a marriage and what isn't. You need to come to an agreement on this.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (5 October 2014):
 I think the girl sent you the text to let you know she has no intentions of wrecking a marriage and she did not do anything to cause your husband's out of line behavior. He may not have cheated but he sure likes to solicit females. At midnight he should be with you, not drunk and texting other females. I would be worried because the alcohol brings out a side of him to potentially cheat. It is inappropriate to call female friends babe. Any women with class will see through intentions. I don't think it's nice either to have a friend stay when you are sleeping. At your age you can't have been married for long and I would find it alarming that he finds a need to talk to other women (not that it makes it better if you'd been married for 20 years). I would not be happy to marry a man who can't keep his hands to himself but now that you are married you can only hope you can establish boundaries with him. If he can't follow then sadly the marriage is a mistake.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2014): Oh, this is a difficult one. He is your husband and you obviously know him and his way of speaking to others, but if it is making you doubt him then I strongly suggest you have a chat with him about it.
Tell him calmly and clearly that you are uncomfortable with receiving this message and perhaps this lady became confused with his use of the term "babe". Also ask him why she says it isn't the first time he has done it. If he really just meant to check in with her, then she would not have said this. This way you will see his reaction to the entire subject. I cant say what form that will take, but he is your husband and you will know best.
Personally, I would ask him outright if he is unhappy in the marriage and has considered straying, but then I am very direct and not everyone is. I would prefer to know because I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. Only you can decide if this is the right approach for you.
Whatever you decide to do, stick to your guns and carry it through. You must be able to trust your husband 100%. There is no room for doubts. You do not want to end up as a jealous wife who is always doubting her faithful husband. Nor should you be the poor woman everyone feels sorry for because she is the only one unaware of her cheating partner.
Communication is the key to ant successful relationship and if you are feeling something is upsetting you about your partners behaviour, I believe you should discuss it openly.
I hope things work out for you both.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (5 October 2014):
I know you must feel very upset and hurt over your husband behaviour.First i would have an indept chat with your husband over his hurtful behaviour towards you.He must be made aware that its not the DONE THING THING for a husband to text another woman be it day or night and that you are not happy with this .In the meantime would you consider having a chat with a counsellor just to talk things out.I would be watchful of the situation without getting over worried.Do you think its a good idea for this friend to have your phone no.This you must decide for yourself. Kind Wishes NORA B.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 October 2014):
 Uh-Oh, you have found a real problem in the making. You can either fix it now or wait until you can't take it anymore but I bet it ends in divorce no matter which avenue you take.Good Luck
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