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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hubby and I were chatting. We watched a program and it featured a prostitute. I asked if he would condemn a woman for her past if she was a prostitute before he met her. He said no he would not. He said if it was in her past and she no longer does it, why should he condemn her for something that happened in the past? I would think most men would not want to invest in or marry a woman who had hundreds of men as sex partners and took their money. Am I right? What should I think of my husband now that he’s told me this? I’m upset by his lack of standards. It’s almost as if he’s condoning prostitution and sees no problem with it. But I see everything wrong with it and can’t imagine anyone wanting a life partner in a former hooker.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2022): You are annoyed because you feel your husband would put a paid sex worker on the same pedestal as yourself.
You claim repulsion but you are secretly worried that a sexy woman could steal your husband.
Prostitution isn't about being sexy. It's about coercion and slavery.
Being freed from slavery is not something your husband chooses to look down on.
Be careful because some people claim others are prostitutes just to tarnish their reputations.
Perhaps you listen to far too much gossip of this sort.
That is: gossip that makes people feel more secure and more righteous than others.
Fortunately for you this is all hypothetical for you.
Even your husbands answer was hypothetical as presumably he doesn't know any prostitutes in the past or in the present.
He chose an ethically correct answer.
But that does not mean he is looking for a prostitute to replace yourself.
He has no intention of ever allowing this to be anything more than a random hypothetical conversation which clearly didn't go any deeper or he would have made his opinion clearer.
It makes me wonder why you are trying to catch your husband out in conversation.
Unless you fear he willing to leave you for some one else which is very unlikely.
It seems odd that a passing remark could upset you so deeply.
Perhaps you and your husband are not matched ethically but I am sure that won't bother either of you unless you hold resentment towards him for his opinion.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2022): To the anonymous poster who said she asked her husband and he said he wouldn't be able to accept a prostitutes past. Your opinion is your opinion as is anyone's. However what you conveniently forget is it is not black and white. People are trafficked and forced into prostitution or go into relationships in which the man then controls and forces her to make those choices. Simply blaming the prostitute makes you come across as being extremely ignorant.
Also I know of women who purposely set their sights on rich men to marry so they are kept women, never been prostitutes but how is a woman who does this any morally better than a prostitute?
I've been judged in my life, not because I've ever been a prostitute but in general and the people who I know who have judged have had quite a few skeletons in their closet, I doubt very much you or anyone has a complete clean slate.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2022): Working as a plumber it some other job that one doesn’t want to do doesn’t usually lead to psychological damage and trauma / sexual issues throughout one’s life . Ad someone who works with ex sex workers that’s is very common
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2022): To compare a woman giving ‘ consent ‘ for a man to use her body sexually to a plumber doing a job he doesn’t like shows a gross lack of understanding gender issues, sexual exploitation and abuse
No comparison . Not even close
It’s very sad that we live in a world where the exploitation of womens bodies is still considered by some to be no big deal and equivalent to other jobs but clearly this type of thinking is why men still use prostitutes
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (27 February 2022):
"Why it’s wrong is that ‘paid consent ‘ is NOT consent! Consent (true consent) cannot be bought . Consent doesn’t require being paid . Sure they say you can USE my body for money - that’s different to consent"
All jobs are paid consent. You can nitpick the word choice all you want but it doesn't change the idea.
Do you think a plumber wants to unclog your toilet? Does a security guard want to stand there all day and potentially put himself in danger? Does an ironworker want to break his back working so that rich people can make tall buildings?
No. Obviously. We agree do it because we're paid to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2022): What On earth was the sexism I just read about ‘ it’s the women who lay in their backs that allow men to be unfaithful and perpetuate male behaviour ‘
What tripe is that ad if men have zero self control and are innocent little things trapped by women
No no and no . Men who use prostitutes are 100 percent responsible for their behaviour
Men who are sexist - likewise
Wow just wow
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2022): You really should cut your husband some slack on this. You asked him a question, and he gave you an honest answer. I disagree with your assessment that he “condoned prostitution”. He never said he would date someone who is currently a prostitute, only that he would overlook it if it was in the past. To me, there is a huge difference. I’d compare it to a man who USED to have a porn and/or sex addiction, but no longer watches porn or pays for sex. Do you think a woman should judge him for a PAST addiction? We all have sinned, and have things in our pasts we’re ashamed of. Aside from that, you and your husband aren’t going to agree on everything. My husband and I disagree on politics, but we manage to discuss it without judging each other. It’s difficult to do this present day since everything is so polarized. Yet we manage to do it anyway. Sometimes it even leads to one or both of us learning something. Also keep in mind if you make your husband feel judged for being honest with you, he isn’t going to be as honest in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2022): Whilst I agree the op shouldn't judge prostitutes I strongly disagree with what is written here Ok, aside from people being conditioned to believe it's wrong, why is it wrong? If a woman CHOOSES (key word) to do that, why is it wrong? Who are we to tell people who they can have sex with?Why it’s wrong is that ‘paid consent ‘ is NOT consent! Consent (true consent) cannot be bought . Consent doesn’t require being paid . Sure they say you can USE my body for money - that’s different to consent And therefore the word ‘choice ‘ has all types of question marks around it What led a woman to ‘choose ‘ this Usually it’s inequity , abuse or some other type of injustice where one of the few ways women have been able to access money is through the use of their bodies There are many layers of why prostitution is questionable and the men who use them use these types of excuses to excuse the fact they are literally buying something that they shouldn’t be paying anybody for Access to womens' bodies OP , people become desperate and make these choices for all types of reasons , most of them unhappy ones . Try to have compassion
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2022): I will agree wholeheartedly with the OP here. Let us not pretend everybody is so forgiving and tolerant. Easy to say so on a public forum but in reality, I suspect many men would not want anything to do with former sex workers, no matter what the reason. So you learn a potential love interest killed someone but it was in self defense. Okay, you understand why but still this would leave a bad taste in your mouth. What would happen if you got into a fight? And they lost their temper? These thoughts would always linger. Is it not best to not get involved in the first place? I say yes. You would be naive to think otherwise. I asked my husband this question. What was his answer? He said he does not think he could handle her past and would expect her to be honest from the get go. It would cause too much insecurity and if things went wrong, he would likely blame her promiscuous past and then himself for choosing such a person. So, yeah, there are men who share your views OP even if it is not your own husband. Women do not have to resort to opening their legs to survive, no matter how desperate they are. They are just perpetuating age old male dominant stereotypes that reinforce that's all they're good for. That they could not use their brains to do something ELSE, as there surely is something else they could do! Our society is fucked up when it determines it is okay or even acceptable to resort to selling your body and your self respect for money. That is atrocious. It is wrong. I was down and out just to let you know. I was in a dire situation myself and I NEVER resorted to cheapening myself by selling my body. I found legitimate ways to make money. Flipping burgers, working as a cashier, or waiting tables are just two examples but the list goes on and on. As long as women keep lying on their backs and serving men and perpetuating negative stereotypes about women, then prostitution will never go away. Women will continue to give men control to use them. If they thought more of themselves and used their other talents, ie. intelligence, they might finally change the fact that women will always be viewed as sex objects for men!!! It is women like this who enable men to be unfaithful or to have real, meaningful or lasting relationships. It is women like this who stoop to the level of an animal to satisfy a man whose wife won't do that sick shit. Not fair to the wives, is it? Women like this put themselves in positions to be raped and abused. Like I said, no self respect! It is beyond ridiculous the power women give men. Men pull the strings and it's high time women thought more of themselves! You do not need to resort to selling your body to make money no matter what? I am living proof and I am sure there are many women in dire straights who would never resort to that.. They would work 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet!!!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (25 February 2022):
 Wow! Easy to tell you have never been in a desperate situation in your life, where you have had to do something you didn't want to do to survive. Do you think women CHOOSE to be prostitutes? Do you think they do it because they enjoy being groped and abused by dirty desperate sleazy strangers? Do you think they enjoy risking their lives every time they meet up with a new "client"?
It is YOUR attitude which stinks, not your husband's. He didn't say he CONDONED prostitution, just that he would not condemn a woman who had been through such a difficult phase in their life that she had had to resort to prostitution to keep herself - and probably her children - alive and fed.
I would like to think your attitude is rooted in ignorance, not self-righteousness but I am not sure. If you have never done anything in your past which you haven't wanted to do, just to survive, then you should count yourself very blessed. Not everyone has had such luck in life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2022): You have to look at this from different perspectives. It's very easy to condemn and ostracize people; but you also have to look at what drove someone to be a sex-worker. If that person leaves the trade, consider if the person has been rehabilitated; and has made every effort humanly possible to atone for using sex to make a living.
I know it's something to make you clutch your pearls in utter shock and dismay, to be told such a thing about someone's past!
A john is no better than a prostitute. He or she get's off scot-free? They exploit other human beings by exchanging money for sex. It's because so many people would pay for sex that it has made it the oldest profession. For thousands of years, that still hasn't changed! They look-down on the sex-worker as servant and lowlife; to be used and objectified like a plaything. Good for nothing, but to pleasure themselves with. If a john is salvageable, capable of reform, can blend back into society, and regaining respect; so are the people who've sold themselves for profit. They weren't a prostitute until somebody paid them for sex!!!
People are sometimes forced or coerced into the sex-trade. Men, women, and children are sometimes victims of sex-trafficking. Drug-addiction and criminal-records forces people into the streets in desperation; feeling it's their only means to support a drug habit, or to survive. For some, it is the only way they can think of to keep food on the table, and a roof over their heads.
They may have been suddenly thrown out into the streets, runaways, victims of molestation; or moved to a big city without a plan, and ended-up destitute. Selling their bodies stands between being homeless, starvation, and sometimes death. People who can't afford life-saving medication for themselves, or a loved-one; might resort to whatever it takes to earn the money.
I'm making no excuses for them, and I don't condone it; but sometimes the wrong choices in life forces people do things we shouldn't do. It's not a sob-story or tale of woe for all, but it's not all that glamorous. Some people will do anything for money, what's the difference?!!
From the perspective of Jesus Christ; we are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God. Jesus forgives murderers, thieves, criminals, and anyone who is repentant and willing to give-up whatever wrong-doing or sin we've ever done. As long as we come to Him with sincerity; willing to do anything and everything that God asks of them, without resistance or resentment.
I can be indignant, and greatly opposed to sinful or criminal-behavior; but I must be kind and compassionate to the sinner/criminal. Yet I must still avoid them for my own safety and protection. I can also defend myself from their harm. I am no better than anyone else. Humans are capable of anything; and that's why people turn to God. To be redeemed, and to change. To be forgiven, and to start a new life. As Jesus confronted the crowd ready to stone the woman caught committing adultery. He challenged the angry self-righteous mob, by demanding anyone among them without sin to cast the first stone. They were all stunned by His directness, and stricken with guilt. They all dropped their rocks, and decided to go home. I always wondered where was the guy she committed adultery with? They said Jesus was writing in the dirt with his finger as He spoke to the crowd. Was He writing down names, and the naughty deeds of people in the crowd? Exposing secrets they recognized to be their own sins?
I've personally known men and women who were formerly sex-workers. No, I have never paid for sex with a sex-worker! I met them in passing. I've met all kinds of people in my travels through life. I don't live in a bubble. I once new a Russian call-girl and "model." The girlfriend of a friend. She got him hooked on heroin! We've parted, and I haven't seen him in five years! You may know one, and never knew their past. Each had their own story to tell. Those I've been acquainted with, didn't want to do it, and if they had to do it again; not one would ever choose that path again. Not one! The "model" was a big-time party-girl, ran with wealthy-men, and she too was a heroin-addict. I disassociated with them both for obvious reasons. They weren't rehabbed or reformed! They make a lot of money, but they are tragic.
A reformed sex-worker is as good as anyone of us. If Jesus can love and forgive them, who am I to condemn someone who wishes to turn their lives around? Like someone who was convicted of a crime, has paid their debt to society; and has completely returned to society as a decent productive citizen. Don't they deserve another chance?
How many times have we sat-up on our haughty perches and declared "I would never do that!" Many of the people who have, said that very same thing!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2022): If God knew who was for who from the beginning of time and we all got lost along the way wouldn’t we all want our life partner regardless of what it looked like if let’s say they believed in a lie their whole life but considerably true love was what was destined for all of us front the start but then we were lied to. If a prostitutes husband told her she wouldn’t have to work but only clean and that he would make the money but then somehow he ends up abandoning her what if she felt no connection to any other job but to people that all end up taking advantage of her because her husband is absent? Perhaps he would forgive himself and make her a bride again ? I guess what I’m saying here is love is love and we all get lost sometimes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2022): One of my friends used to use drugs. He has been clean for five yea
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2022): One of my friends used to use drugs. He has been clean for five years. I do not condemn him for his past and I do not condone people using drugs.
So how does this answer your question? Base on what you posted, your husband did not say he condone prostitution. He only said that he would not condemn people for being prostitutes in the past.
You were most likely never a prositute. But you did make mistakes in your past. Does that mean you should be condemn for your past mistakes?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 February 2022):
Ok, aside from people being conditioned to believe it's wrong, why is it wrong? If a woman CHOOSES (key word) to do that, why is it wrong? Who are we to tell people who they can have sex with?
And if you're a man that can't find what you're looking for without paying, who are we to tell him he's not allowed to find someone who can help him?
There are lots of things people do that I wouldn't do but that doesn't mean I feel the need to condemn them.
And before anyone brings up cheating, that's a completely different issue.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 February 2022):
 Something else I should add...
This was a casual hypothetic scenario that your husband is not likely to encounter. His answer reflects that. He may think/feel/act very differently if he was single, met the woman of his dreams, planned a lifelong future with her, then discovered that about her past.
You've allowed no room for that, and instead expected him to instantly commit to a hard line approach on something so remote to him, and something he isn't all that interested in.
We've had a lot of these kinds of questions from women who toss out these far fetched hypotheticals, then plunge in to an existential crisis when they don't get the specific, enthusiastic answer they're looking for.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (24 February 2022):
I agree with the others. Not condemning someone for something they no longer do is not the same as condoning it.
A person might not judge someone who used to be an alcoholic, but that doesn't mean they agree with alcoholism.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2022): There are prostitutes and prostitutes. Hundreds of partners usually means the low class type, street corner, maybe desperate to pay their rent or buy drugs, swear a lot, chew gum, drink, shout etc. If I were a man any woman who is short of money, swears, drinks, shouts etc would be out anyway, whatever her job. Then there are the classy ladies that are beyond most men's budgets. They would charge more for an evening with them than most women who are running proper businesses earn in a week. They have a posh smart new car, dress very well in expensive clothes, speak various languages, well educated, could easily run a successful business which did not include sex if they wanted to, nothing at all low class about them, and often far more picky about the men they accept as clients than women who put it about for free after a few drinks.I am sure your husband would never be lucky enough to meet such a woman, let alone be considered suitable.You know something, your husband is entitled to his opinion. So are you, it would be ridiculous if you got upset about this. He would never feel he can be honest with you if you do, and it serves no purpose other than wasting a great deal of valuable time.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (24 February 2022):
 I think its a matter of opinion really, everyone will have varying views on this. You husband has given you his opinion on what he thinks which he is quite entitled to, and i don't think it gives him a lack of standards.
He is just saying that he would not judge a person on what they did in the past. He is not saying he would continue dating them if they were still prostituting.
This is all over something that you watched on telly, not something that has happened in real life.
Let him have his opinion, we all have them. His thoughts on this don't make him a bad person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2022): He never said he sees nothing wrong with prostitution he said he doesn't judge people on their past. Some prostitutes are forced into prostitution and some because of addictions and of course many other reasons so if they then get out of that situation and want to live a life of normality and a monogamous relationship who is anyone to judge them based on their past? I think you ask your husband silly questions for the exact reason of then letting it niggle your insecurities, I mean he's married to you so it's a hypothetical question that isn't going to actually happen. I also think you have wrote a post on here before in which you have queried something you've asked him, I can't recall the question but it was a similar thread of you asking him and him not giving you the reply you wanted.YOU judge his reply because YOU want to feel he has standards so you feel better about yourself so him saying that feeds into your insecurity. Maybe instead of simply judging these women look at the bigger picture and refrain from asking him questions in which his response actually shows respect for women and actually a nice reply.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 February 2022):
 Saying he wouldn't hold it against the woman doesn't mean he condones prostitution.
But I get what you mean. I dislike the term, "hate the game not the player".
"What should I think of my husband now that he’s told me this?"
You asked a question and wanted a different answer than you got. That is reality.
You two don't agree on this. THAT is life. There will be other things you don't agree on. He is his own person and has his own ideas about things. That doesn't mean he is lacking in ALL standards.
You know what they say about opinions, right?
Everyone's got one!
Does it affect you in your daily life? My guess is no.
Strippers, sex workers, porn stars, cam girls (and boys) have lives too, families, friends, etc. They are people too. Is it sad that there are people who sell their bodies for money? Yes. Absolutely. I don't get it. Do I judge people who do it? Not really. And certainly not as much as the people who BUY their services.
But each to their own.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2022): Did he say anything more than what you said he said in the first paragraph?
Just because you don't condemn a person for their past behavior doesn't mean you have to condone their past behavior.
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