| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I love my parents and I know that my parents want the best for me but they are so controlling and it is annoying. I posted a couple days ago about being 30 years old without a career. I was not doing well in my previous job in insurance sales so I decided to apply for a job elsewhere to assist my husband with our monthly commitments. Today I started training for my new job and the hours are crazy. It was a bitter sweet moment because I knew my parents would have something negative to say about it. It is not a high paying job but I was grateful. I grew up in a christian home and always tried to be obedient to my parents until I met my husband. The whole pattern with them over the years is basically, whatever I want to do, it does not make sense...you should not do that, do this. Exactly what they did to me when selecting a career. I tried to do whatever they wanted me to do except who I wanted to have a relationship with. I got pregnant before I got married and since then, I always hear the words, I dishonor my parents. Just yesterday my mother came to me asking if my father spoke to me about dishonoring them. I was so disgusted when she came with that subject because I am already feeling depressed and a month could never go by without hearing I dishonored them. Apart from having premarital sex, if they tell me to do something and I made a decision other than what they tell me, I am disobedient, thus dishonoring them resulting in the whole "obedience brings blessing, disobedience brings cursing" speech. For example, when school closed for vacation, they wanted my eldest to do school work instead of playing and relaxing. I was trying to put my opinion across and my father shouted over me, before letting me state how I feel. They are the type of parents who must speak alone and they just don't listen to hear what you have to say...so when I tried to state my point of view, they didnt want to hear it and for continuing to state my opinion, I was disrespectful, therefore dishonoring them. I am sick and tired of this.Today, they told me that my new job makes no sense because of the crazy hours and the salary. My father was like, any job that doesn't take into consideration that you have a family, you should never accept. My husband and I already discussed how we would work out the hours. We already made a decision that we can make this work until better can be done. My father practically demanded that I not go to that job because it will take away time from my children. It is a call center position, where you work late hours in the night. the late hours is when you now start and then you can request to work the morning shift. But like every other decision I want to make, this is one that doesn't make sense. My husband says my parents control me because I let them. If I only share how I feel about this situation, I will the hear the talk about dishonoring them. What should I do with this job?
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (25 August 2019):
 shouting over you is abusive. Whose house do you live in?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2019): What you should do OP is what you and your husband work out and decide together, best suits your marital need. Jesus describes a man leaving his parents and cleving onto his spouse. The same is true for a woman. She leaves her fathers house, and her first loyalty, on Earth, is to her husband! I too am a Christian, and what your father is trying to tell you regarding obedience, and the lack thereof bringing cursing into your life, refers to obedience TO HOLY GOD, not to a parent, after marriage and leaving your parents home! Your dad is trying to manipulate you, in part, by misusing the scriptures when taken out of context. If I were in your place, I would tell my parents much less of what goes on in your household and marriage, until they show that they can behave and speak to you as one adult to another! When they start that disobey disrespect and dishonor talk, remind them that each person has one life to live, after which we will each stand alone before HOLY GOD to give account! You are a wife first!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 August 2019):
 LISTEN to your husband. What he says makes sense.
You are an adult. You are a wife. You are a mother. You are MORE than, simply, a daughter. Stop acting like that is your one role in life. There are more important roles for you now. If your parents don't agree with your decisions, that is THEIR prerogative. You are an adult and can CHOOSE how you react to their criticisms. You cannot change them. They are the way they are. HOWEVER, you CAN change how you react to what they say. If they tell you, you are dishonouring them because you are not doing what they want you to do, say "I am sorry you feel that way and that has never been my intention, but I have to make my own decisions. I love you both." Then walk away. In time they will, hopefully, realize that their words can no longer control you.
You have discussed this new job with your husband and already worked out how you will make it work. Stick to your plan. Good luck. Stay strong.
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