A
female
age
41-50,
*endy2012
writes:i have been married for a year and my hubby says i ask too many unecessary questions?. he gets irritated. the problem is i dont seem to know what is ok and not ok to ask? eg, we went grocery shoping and he asked me to pick items. i asked him how much he had/wanted to spend so that i know what to get and how much. this upset him. also if hes telling me a story and says something like 'i met jon' if i ask 'which jon'?, genuinely becos maybe i have 3 jons in mind he gets upset.on such occasions, i have resorted to pretend i understand him to avoid spoiling the mood, (but sometimes he gets upset wen he notices am blank), like am forgetful. we have discussed this several times but its still a problem as am unable to notice when am crossing the line of questions. how can i go about it??? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, wendy2012 +, writes (4 November 2013):
wendy2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just got an accurate answer to why my husband used to be irritated by asking him questions. i work for the intelligence and he is in the private sector and sometime his employers do some illigal stuff like evading tax. so now that he knows me better and trusts me, he has explained that he thought i was trying to use 'intelligent' questions to spy on what happens in their company as he knows most of their dealings. this surprised me as the questions and conversations were completely never connected to anything of that nature...but the problem has stoped now...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): "My husband says I ask too many questions! How do I deal with it?"
Stop asking him questions, start giving him direct orders.
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A
female
reader, wendy2012 +, writes (10 February 2012):
wendy2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice. am actualy financialy independent and earn more than him, and been running my home, keeping my child and 3 dependants 7 years before we married, whilst he was living with his brother before we married.was counseled before marriage that couples need to be open about their finances (at least to some extent), so when the grocery shoping is with my cash, i tell him how much i have, write a list and show him if he needs anything adjusted/added, but when its his money, it appears its not open to this sort of discussion. i thought the whole problem was me and was losing my esteem by bieng shouted at each time i ask a question he does not like. you have made me realise he is controlling too. thanks
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 Maybe he thinks you interrupt him with questions? When he tells you a story maybe he wants to finish his story before you ask questions. And maybe if you listen to his story you will understand as the story goes, without asking the question?
It is okay to be blank about information and just pretend to understand, if it isn't something very important. Often we can't know every tiny little bit, and maybe it isn't so important what John it is he talks about. Maybe it doesn't matter if the details are correct, maybe the story had a good point and that the details aren't necessary.
Don't get hung up on details. If you go grocery shopping and he asks you to get items and doesn't tell you a price then just decide for yourself! You are allowed to make up your own mind, and I think your husband wants a woman who can think of things on her own without instructions to everything. If he doesn't tell you a price or a cost for items then just pick what YOU think will be best, without asking questions. If he gets upset then you can tell him he should have told you so, and that you are not going to ask so many questions any longer.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 You tell him that he is expecting you to read his mind and he needs to communicate like an adult. I know this because my 6 year old talks like that and gets irritated when I try to clarify what he's saying.
The short answer to your question is I don't deal with rude, immature, controlling people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): It was interesting for me to read it because I actually have friends like that. Husband get irritated when his wife(my friend) asks multiple questions.
You though sound like very much dependent on him. As a woman you should probably have a better control of how much money you need to spend on groceries. May be this what irritates him that he needs to make all the decisions himself?
My friends situation is different because she asks him question just because out of habit .That's how she is: constant questions. Tell u the truth I get annoyed with her also. And her daughter is the exact copy of her mother: millions of silly questions.
I really don't know what advice to give you. I don't think it's behavioral thing that you have, the grocery story made me thinking that may be u need to start becoming more independent in making our own decisions?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): This is abuse if you ask me.
I think you should leave him before he becomes violent.
It is a harsh thing to say to you, but I know this all too well.
you should not feel this way in a marriage. your husband should love every word that comes out of your mouth.
Your man should support you.
either you stand your ground to make sure he knows what he cannot do to you or just leave.I beleive the latter is a better option.
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