A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my husband recently got married and recently I feel he has stopped seeing me as just his wife rather than wife and best friend.Whenever we do ANYTHING fun he calls up his buddies and invited them to join us. For example, the other weekend I took him to a favourite cocktail bar of mine, it's very small, very quiet, and candlelit, so perfect for couples. His buddies like to get rowdy over a few beers, yet the next day he called all of them inviting them to all go the next weekend. Or tonight, i suggested going to watch a football match soon and he called all his buddies even though not one of them likes football. We almost never go out to eat just the two of us anymore, and when I suggest it, he takes me to like a crappy takeaway joint or something. Also, when I ask about his day, what he did, how his parents are it's all 'fine' 'yeah you know this and that' etc. But when we go out with his buddies he goes on and on about all these things. I don't think I've changed at all, and when I ask him why he is doing this he denies it, like 'What are you talking about, we went out last night' (yeah, with 10 of your guy friends!)He has plenty of free time for himself, I think I'm a fun person, I don't intrude on his buddy time, and I don't think I've changed. But it feel like he's only giving himself to me as a husband now, like he will clean out the gutters, go with me to the supermarket but actual connection is off the table. What can I possibly do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 February 2014):
 ok so you have told him how you feel and he disregards you.
if he wont' go for counseling (where a neutral third party can tell him he's wrong) there is not much else you can do but leave him. is that even an option for you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2014): I'm the poster, yes I do convey this but he acts dumb! eg. football ticket incident I said, you know it really hurts my feelings when you go out of your way for a good time with the guys yet nothing with me, he said no! But the guys have never been, whenever I explain we need date. night he says every day is date night we are married. Sometimes I dress up pick restaurant he cancels say no we are married we don't need date! But whenever we go out he calls his friends, shushes me when I beg no when he's dialling!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2014):
Have you TOLD HIM how you feel?
Have you said "honey I don't mind us spending time with your buddies but I want my own time with you too, I MISS my husband and my friend"
If you have not told him you need more than he is giving you then how is he to know?
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