A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i still love my husbnd to the core but all he cares about is money. he does not care for me nor respect me. he insults me and demeans me i do all the chores for him but am totally not appreciated. we have a baby, he plays with baby, ignores me is so frigid. All this attachment was not there when i had to deliver the baby because he didn't want to pay for the medical charges. he totally disconnected from us from 6 months! even now, i take care of my baby's health needs, check-ups, meds.Even though we earn really well. he was adamant about having control over money matters. he is sooo manipulative. he has my debit cards. he bought a property in his name with our money even though i did not agree to it. i have tried everything. nothing works. even when i try to mk him understand what he is doing and he is wrong he says he is like this only. he did not get anything(doury) during marriage, as per custom, now i have to pay for it. if i want to i can live with him or leave him. i am losing it i am getting frustrated. i seriously can't do without this person. but just for this reason - money; he is ready to give up on everything Love Respect and Family! He is an emotionless fool. but he also knows in this society to do anything like leave him and go, it is almost not possible.i don't know what to do. my mind is in turmoil. i feel so hopeless and helpless. i have lost interest in life. is there Any solution for this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 Maybe, you can charge him for your "services" under the excuse that you care about money too.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 You fell in love with him, so at the very beginning he must have done some nice things. Things that made you love him. But then something went wrong. I know not what that could be.Though it would be helpful to try to find out what happened.
One good thing is that he enjoys playing with the baby. And he is lucky you still love him. But there the positives seem to peter out to very little.
Was he unrealistic? Did he not realise that the cost of living to keep 2 adults and a baby, is far more than just the cost of living as a bachelor?
You seem very isolated, and without support. There must be a way to improve that situation. Is there anyone in his family who has noticed how unfair the situation is on you? Would there be an older female in the family who you can talk to? Is there anyone you trust, and who is capable of being respected by him, who could listen impartially to both sides, and then try to negotiate a better outcome for this marriage?
Why did he agree to marry you, if your family were unable to pay a bride
price that was enough, in his opinion?
Or if it was an arranged marriage how did reach this stage? Why did he not speak up before the marriage toook place?
I do think you need more support before you address this issue with him. Yes his behavior is abusive, but I also sense that the power imbalance is so far in his favor, at this point, that you are in a very difficult position. And his attitudes are very out of touch with modern views where marriage is seen as a respectful relationship where each partner is mutally respected.
He has put you into a very difficult situation. How you speak to him is important. No insults, no whining, no drama. It is very important that you stay calm.
But trampling on you and demeaning you, until your will is broken is not acceptable. I do hope that you can get the support you deserve.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): I think you need to stop caring him and than see if he still has any non-concerns, and one more thing,I want to tell my personal experience it happened with me,what I did was I have told everything about my past mistakes with other guys (everything means the way I loved someone else in life and how much he was loving, handsome etc)and then it worked he was little bit angry now and then but started loving like ever before now he dies for me such a love he shows, because it hurts and he feels "I wish I could have shown that love which others have got the chance", I don't know, how it works in your case try because it is better than boring relationship. I m sure it will workout in your case.
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