A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:House party out of control. I am rather confused and upset. I have been with my husband for 5 years, married for 3 with two young children.We used to have house parties all the time and my hubby would either not drink or drink very little, he was alway quiet. I have always been social and like to mix and dance. We have had some trust issues, i cant trust him as he has broken my trust in the past and yet he really trusts me.I am seriously wondering if he wants an open relationship as he keeps encouraging me to dress sexy and go out with other men and says as long as i leave them at the door its ok. To me i have better standards and it worries me as i would never consider going off with another man or doing anything with them. I keep asking if he gives me a free rein so he can do the same? but he denies it. my friends think his ways are rather strange.We had our own private house party the other day and we all had fun. That was until my hubby started pulling off my clothes in front of people, pushing me into the laps of other men and perving at everyone. He didnt seem that drunk and was very confident and bold with his actions. He picked me up at one point and announced to everyone that our relationship was so strong he could do this... and it wouldnt alter our feelings for each other and he dumped me on the lap of his male friend and he grabbed a female friend and got rather cosy with her on the sofa. i felt very uncomfortable on so did the guys whos lap i was on. Then fo a prolonged amount of time he continued to cuddle, bury his head in her boobs, gently kiss her arm and rub his hand up and down. She was not very pleased - but didnt protest too much. I was in shock and sobered up rather quickly after being forced by him to drink shots. when i walked by he grabbed me - tore off my bra and exposed me- i was not impressed. the friend of his defended me and in a way so did the girl he was with. He was very loving and nice to her, but everytime i went near him during the night he was rough with me, throwing me on some guys lap or trying to strip me.I am really upset and gutted, i have never stripped in public before and never made to feel so humiliated. i did tell him to stop lots of times and slapped him across the face, but he was persistant.We have pictures and video snippets of our party and it certainly backs my story. He was very upset and ashamed the next day, but blames the alochol and says he doesnt remember. I would say he was drunk, but i think hes covering his actions. He offered me to his friend and i am so shocked. I cant get over the hurt and dont know what to do. From a quiet person to a complete extrovert and perve im not sure i could trust him again out drinking and dont think being drunk is an excuse. Drunk or not i would never disrespect him or give him any reason not to trust me. Any advice would be great. Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): how ridiculous!! why the hell are u with this man! ur his wife for gods sake! not sum whore. most men would never ever share their wife with any1...he married u, had children with u for gods sake,, doesn't he have any respect? that he's giving u away to other men???????? dont take this. there is no excuse 4 this. get rid of him
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): I think he has serious issues, and he needs to recognize this and get help. I don't know what his past has been, but it seems it has affected him in a serious way: this isn't normal, at all!
The best you can do is to protect you and your children. His actions, or attempt at getting other guys interested in you is dangerous for you and the family as a whole; you don't know what type of nut you could get involved with. Many guys are looking for a quicky, and will take up a girl on any offers. The smart ones would run for fear of the woman either being a nut herself, or having some contagious disease she is wanting to share.
Again, I don't know him, but somehow you need to reach him and get him to seek help. Not sure if involving his family members would be a good idea, for fear he might retailiate, or they take sides with him. So maybe doing some research on your own, maybe seeing if a professional would be willing to stop by and chat to the family ... I don't know at this stage, just offering ideas that maight help you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the fast response. I was hoping to become soul mates with him, he has always made it clear that he loves me alot and we go to bed and sleep with each other everynight (well almost). I run a business from home and he goes out to work. I would love it if he perhaps had boundaries and that way i would feel secure. Is it possible that alcohol would account for it or is this really him and want he wants. I try to encorage communication, but he tends to play games rather than talk. When i was pregnant he would sneak off and look at porn instead of coming to bed with me. He hurt me he when hid things from me as i prefer an honest relationship and he continued to do things behind my back- always had a way of turning it back on me. He is somewhat unreliable and if i ask him to help out he will forget or not do it, making him not trusted. (this has been going on for a while) I have been trying to work through this and be open to what he wants in a relationship. Considering my 2nd baby is only 4mths old i have a slim figure and people find me attractive, i just cant understand what more he wants from me. I have put up with him for a few days, but the hurt has haunted me and ive asked him to give me space, unsure what to do next. Hope this covers your points raised
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): I would have to say his behavior is extremely odd, and maybe he has a serious issue.
Make it clear to him you do not accept this and will not submit to another man, and that if he continues, the marriage maybe ending (or something best appropriate).
Is it possible he is trying to set you up for divorce? Is it possible the relationship has soured since the kids arrived and he has felt neglected? His actions sounds like an attempt to humiliate you, such as pay back for something in the past: is this possible? You both have allot of work on your hands. Good luck!
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 May 2008):
 I read your post with horror, what an awful experience you went through. I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now.
First off, he goes straight to be assessed for alcoholism and any other possible diseases or conditions by the doctor. Maybe there's a medical explanation for his bizarre and erratic behavior. Brain tumor? Chemical imbalance? Drugs? Or just sheer alcohol intoxication? Best to get these ruled out right away. Or dealt with if one of these proves to be the case.
Second, marriage counseling for you and him; you alone if he doesn't agree to it, but my goodness, he should be doing everything he can to try to set things back on track.
And what are these previous trust issues? Have you worked through them with him?
Your husband has a serious issue to be resolved; but you must do what is best for you and your children, so stay strong, get all the support you can and don't let him off the hook by accepting 'I was drunk' as the excuse. There is clearly something serious going on here, and you need to do the best you can to get some answers.
I know that this will be difficult and painful, so make sure your friends and family are supporting you in this. Do not be afraid to ask for help, or demand that he goes in for evaluation immediately. This would be non-negotiable for me.
Take care of yourself and your children, and I hope you keep us posted as to what happens.
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