A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I guess I’ll start with a bit of a background. My cousin is the son of my aunt, my father’s sister, now he’s 18 and I’m 18. We spent a lot of time together when we were children because our families lived very close each to other. We were great friends and then his family moved to live in another country because his father found a good job there. I remember I was very sad and upset when he left. I know my parents mailed letters and talked to them over the phone, but that was all the grown-up stuff. Mine and his contact were cut completely, and I also had many other things to do, like school and basketball, and soon I didn’t have time to think about him at all and I was already used to the thought that I’ll never see my cousin again.However, somewhere in the late March my aunt called and told that they would like to visit us for the summer. I was super excited to finally meet my cousin. So they arrived a few weeks ago and I almost didn’t recognize my cousin at all. I hadn’t seen him for some ten years or even more and I was amazed to see what a hot guy he has turned into. He was happy to see me as well and we spend days talking and talking each to other about everything that has happened in our lives. It turned out that we were both waiting for the other to start the communication first and since I didn’t write to him all these years he thought I didn’t want to contact him. I felt so connected with him like I’ve never felt with any other person.Now about what happened between us. He moved into my room, we have to share a room, because our house isn’t that big. And so one evening he was looking around in my room and he found my gay porn magazine, I bought one as soon as I was sure that men turn me on. He asked me if I liked men, I said yes and after a while, he said: „me too”. We’re both closeted and both afraid our families won’t accept us. Later that night he kissed me on the lips. It felt good and at the same time, it didn't because I thought we mustn't do such things. I know I like him as a guy, but that's so wrong as we're relatives. He says that it's nothing, we're just cousins, not brothers, so we're not related that close. Every night when we lock the doors of my room, he wants to be a lot closer to me than he should and I know I want it too, but all the time I think about how bad this is. I know that there are many places where heterosexual cousin couples are allowed to marry, etc, but for me, it seems strange. Maybe we're not close relatives, but we're still relatives.I was so glad to meet him, but now I feel really bad. We have this whole summer in front of us and I wish he wasn't my cousin, but just some hot guy to fall in love with. I know that if we would have grown up together I probably wouldn't look at him this way. I guess it's the time and distance between us that made me forget that we're related and that I mustn't ever make love to him. Besides, maybe it's not a good idea at all to become attached to him, because he'll go away again once the summer will be over. What should I do? Or I guess my real question is - how to stop wanting something you can never have?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2019): Typo correction:
"Just remind your cousin that it matters to you that you stay behind these boundaries; and love each other being as close as brothers."
"It's called developing strength in character."
Being a gay-man myself; I know what it feels like to finally discover someone who understands who I am, and feels what I feel. Your attraction sometimes gets misdirected towards the first person of the same orientation...a best friend, and even a cousin. The closeness makes the lines fuzzy. However, you have to let your sense of decency keep things in proper perspective; when it comes to those who share your DNA.
Just keep reminding yourself, he's your cousin and you love him like family.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2019): I think you've already set the boundaries in your head. Just remind our cousin that it matters to you that you stay behind these boundaries; and love each other being as close as brothers.
These days, I know people erase the lines that morally and appropriately separate us as family, in-laws, and half-siblings. We want to throw-away all filters and barriers; and just do whatever feels good. Sometimes we just have to what is right; just because it's the right thing to do.
Don't close yourself away with your cousin too much to minimize the temptation. Resist the urges and control your hormones. I know that's tough for a guy; but it's a good thing to practice so you don't just cross any line based on impulse. Even when you know it may be acceptable to some; you know what's right and what's wrong for you.
Now lets look at it this way. It's mainly about sexual-attraction. You were close before and never crossed those lines. He has been away, but now you see him in a new light. It's tainted with hormones and lust. That's really not how cousins or blood-kin should see each other. Regardless of our "anything-goes" society that can come up with an argument justifies Nazis and consider them "good people." I think you know the origin of this reference.
People accept lies for truth, consider it okay to mob-bully people on social media, and say anything that comes to mind! No matter whom it hurts, or how it hurts. Just because it's doable doesn't make it right.
Learn to draw a like you won't cross. It's call developing strength in character.
Just stay out in the open, and do what you would do if he was your brother. See him as family, and that helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2019): Things may be very tricky as far as your family is concerned, but if you are BOTH serious about being together and not just horny, then take everything incredibly slowly.Enjoy each other's company over the summer and keep what you do very hidden from family. Then if you keep in contact with each other once he's back home, you'll be able to suss out how strong your feelings are towards each other. Take everything very slowly with him and make sure of your feelings. And his. In the meantime come out to your family when you are ready.Make sure that he is willing to come out to his family as well. In time, start to seek out each other's company as friends overtly, so the family can see that you are still close. Let the family see you together as friends who are both gay. If they see you both together enough and see how close you are, they may well start to guess about your feelings for each other before you have to say anything. This is all dependent on how much you REALLY want to be together and NOT on how much you fancy each other right now. Because as I'm sure you're aware, this could cause problems in the family's relationships. One person could feel it's ok and another member of the family being outraged and disgusted. Even though there are no legal reasons for gay cousins to not be together. So make very sure of your feelings towards each other before going on to create this possible mayhem.Or if you really do want to just forget him and move on, then as YouWish said, create another reason why sharing a room is not something you can do and sleep on the couch. When he goes back home, you will forget him again. Simpler option all round.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (26 April 2019):
 Welllll, for lack of a better word, and pun NOT intended, but you and your cousin might be screwed when it comes to this dilemma. You both are closeted, so you can't tell your parents or other family members that you don't want to share a bedroom because you two are fooling around together, and if you stay in the same room together for the summer, neither of you will have the willpower to resist one another.
So I offer a couple of points on view on this one:
1. You can explain to him how you feel, and that for sanity's sake, you two have to have different sleeping arrangements. Then you can lie to your parents and tell them that his chainsaw-snoring, or constant sleep-talking, or grinding his teeth, or flatulance, or restlessness, you pick a non-sexual issue is keeping you up at night. Then switch rooms.
or
2. Don't worry about tomorrow, and the two of you cousins can go to town on each other while he's there. Cousin or no, it's actually pretty safe, it's good sexual exploration, it's victimless, and who knows what the future could bring??
I know some people think first cousins are gross and incestuous, and that might be true, but I don't see you two creating children, and as you said, you didn't grow up together. In fact, marrying cousins was desirable in a lot of rich families. So I don't think it's as bad as you believe it to be, but then again, if you feel like it is, then I'd recommend the first option I laid out.
There IS a third option, but I would NOT recommend it, as he might not be ready to come out to his family. But you could just tell the truth and say you want to be separated because you're attracted to him, but I HIGHLY do not recommend it. Too many people don't understand, even when it's NOT cousins.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (25 April 2019):
 Set boundaries and accept that you’re related. It’s hard to do initially, but you treat it like any other crush you shouldn’t have. It will fade.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2019): What does it matter you are cousins? The cousin taboo only exists because the offspring of paired cousins are much more likely to have genetic weaknesses. Since this is unlikely to be possible between two men, it shouldn't really be more taboo than any other relationship. In theory.
If this taboo is so deeply ingrained in your thought process, then it may possibly be the same in your family. So you will have to: Come out, as will he, then tell your family you want to be a couple together. Simple right?
Probably not. But it's not impossible, it's not Montague and Capulet impossible it's just difficult, but two gay cousins who have grown up separately should have no more taboo attached than any other relationship. Good luck.
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