A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hello! my husband of 23 yrs left me for another woman, the day he left was mothers day and he was really out of control, so i went the next day and filed a restraining order on him, in return he went behind me and filed one on me, the day he brought a cop to our house to get his things, he told me i was the reason he lost his job, that i was the reason he was unhappy. the woman he is with, has a bad reputation in our town, she is known as a troublemaker. people tell me that they see him and her together and he wont look at them, and he walks away if anyone he thinks i know, trys to talk to him, he lets her drive his car, he wont give me any money for our son, but gives her money, people tell me that he left me for a younger woman because hes going through a mid life crisis, and that he thinks im to old for him, heck im only 41 and hes 43, the woman is 28, i cant talk to him, or try to contact him because of the restraining orders, he wont look at me, when he does see me out and he just pretends that me and the kids dont exsist, i dont know what to do, unanswered queitions, god i just dont know why he did this to us after 23 yrs of marrage, just wandering if he is gonna come back or even try to maybe talk to or see his kids or even try to talk to me just to let me know why he did this to us, i have no money, no transportation and feel like my whole world is falling apart, please help me, thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): i dont believe on mid life crisis is just a matter of controlling .move on ive been there too after 25 years of being together he left me, hey you can always teach a dog a new trick just remember his lost not yours acceptance is the key good luck to us
A
female
reader, lipslikemorphine +, writes (1 June 2008):
I just went through something similar but not as intense because we weren't married but we were in a 3-1/2 yr relationship. He just left one day and I never heard from him again. Through friends, and even his kids, he had this woman move in with him shortly after walking out. There's much more to the story but this is about you right now. After numerous pity parties where I blamed myself for him leaving, the light bulb came on finally and I realized that I didn't do anything wrong. We had never even had a disagreement. He's the one that screwed up. He was the one that chose to look elsewhere for something. I didn't make those decisions. The one thing I do know is that 1) you cannot control what other people do; and 2) I don't want someone in my life that doesn't want me too. All of us deserve to be happy and loved. If you haven't read the book, "He's Just Not That Into You"...you should. Don't ever waste "the pretty" on someone that doesn't worship the ground you walk on. Time and Tears will eventually heal the hurt...and alot of ice cream.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): I am sorry to hear you are going through this. From bitter experience I can tell you your husband is not going to come back. My husband put a restraining order on me and I had to retaliate too and it all became very nasty. He gave us no money either. Please go to a lawyer and file for divorce. 23 years is a long time and he has made his mind up and gone. You cannot make him come back if he doesn't want to and this man has made no attempt to try to make things up to you or apologize. My marriage was for 20 years and my husband just got more and more morose and then left one Christmas. He never bothers with us and will not deal hme unless through the courts. It is terrible and money worries are huge. I wanted him back as well - force of habit / scared of the unknown etc etc but he wouldn't come.
He has also taken up with someone else and it still breaks my heart. I am nearly 2 years on from the initial break up and my advice would be let him go, do not bother with him any more and go to the solicitors asap as the one who instigates legal proceedings seems to have the upper hand. Cross the road when you see im and the woman together, keep your head held high and your dignity and ignore them both. We all know what he has done to you he will do to her so let them get on with it. At some stage he will be in contact to see the children just try not to turn it so you can spend time with him. Also let him see te kids even if you don't want him too as this can also ave an adverse effect on you, te kids and his treatment of you. Let him get on wit it. I know this is so so hard but men do not think like women and once they have made up their mind that is it. We fluctuate and can normally be made to try again but men normally are dogmatic. Trying can often make a fool out of you so don't do it. You are being brave and strong here, looking after the children and carrying on and I am very proud of you. Do not stoop to his level. Get a lawyer asap and take control. All the best,
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (1 June 2008):
 There is nothing you can really do here to get him back and I dont think you should if he has been abusive. He is feeling very guilty which is why he is shunning you and all your friends. He has made his choice and whether or not its mid life crisis he is blinkered at the moment and only sees her as being important. You may never get the answers to your questions as he doesnt feel he has done anyhting wrong and is intent on living his own life.
Get a solicitor and get him paying you the money you need and deserve to raise your children, dont even try to have contact unless its to do with access to the kids which im sure your solicitor can advise about, it could be done through a third party.
Concentrate on you now and you maybe have to tell yourself that he simply wasnt the man you thought he was and try to move on from the hurt he has caused you even though it wont be easy, but in time this pain will fade and you can relive your life. I wish you luck x
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (1 June 2008):
 Contact a lawyer as soon as possible. He has responsibilities that he needs to meet.
If you filed a restraining order against him then isn't him leaving you a good thing? Out of control? As in abuse?
Why would you even want him back after all this?
This marriage sounds like it is over. Time to clean up the mess and get on with your life. Since he ran away with another woman a divorce should be easy to arrange and that will force him to pay child support at least.
Also contact social services to see what aid you can get to tide you over while the divorce goes through the courts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): Wow! I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I just can't even imagine the pain & stress. I'm sorry to say that you need to let him go. If in fact he's going thru a mid life crisis or whatever the hell he is going thru that's not your fault. As far as money wise.. Take his a** to child support. I bet you he will talk to you then. Good luck.
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