A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A few weeks ago my husband said he wasn't sure our marriage was what he wanted any more. He said he still loves me but he needs some time to work out his own thoughts. We have been together for 5 years - very happily I thought until a few months ago. I knew something was wrong before he said - just little things like he didn't text me as much, etc but I just put it down to the inevitability of marriage, although it all happened really recently! 2 things have changed recently - he found out he may have a problem having children about 2 months ago. Also, he has started a new, more demanding job and made new friends who seem to like going out drinking a lot. He said it's not just me he's unsure about but our whole life - house, babies, etc. I'm not an angel, I did accuse him of cheating after he first voiced his concerns but I am satisfied that this is not the case. I'm just so confused. I'm giving him his space, but how much space do you give somebody who is making a decision that affects the rest of your whole life?!!! Am i just kidding myself? He keeps saying he really hasn't made up his mind and he's confused. Or should I just give him the space he's asking for? Any advice would be gratefully received!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): what happens when you give him space. he goes out partying , enjoying himself and the freedom that comes with it. and you jut sit home hoping, wishing that you can be enough for him. why is everythings about him. his confusion, him being unhappy, him wanting space. by wanting space he means seperation and a dovorce. i am all for trying to salvage a relationship, be it marriage or any other. but when one partner selfishly wants to continue in a different direction you need to ask yourself: is it worth fighting for. is HE worth fighting for. sometimes it is better to make a clean break than to have your heart shredded time and time again by a so called love on. this man hasn't even spoke about trying to make the marriage work. he wants out and well maybe give him his wish. you know that with the new friends, more partying comes the new women. so instead of bawling your eyes out waiting for him to come back to you, i think you have to release him. as hard as it is let him go and you move on. make sure it is a divorce and not stalling. get rid of him once and for all so that you can concentrate on yourself, your wellbeing and your future. let this now be about you and your well being. let your confused husband take care of himself. he has done a pretty good job thus far. give him one month to figure out whether he still wants you. don;t fall for the i still love you crap, its just empty words. its his actions that say a lot.
you say you were not an angel when you accused him of having an affair. how else could you explain his behaviour. i think it is understandable that you thought someone else was involved. it is not everyday a hb tells his wife he wants out. so don't beat yourself up too much about this.
one month and then crunch ime. do not be left hanging. either he wants a proper marriage or he has found something better in his life. easy. no drama. and then walk out of his life and never look back. it will be hard but you have to make hard decisions in order to survive and move on. you are not second best and your hb should not feel forced to love you and be with you. i think he loves the single life and the perks that come with it. then you move on and enjoy yours too.
good luck and keep us updated.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 January 2010):
Keep giving him the space. When men need to think, the need space to really sit and try and work things out. Chances are that him being told he may have problems having kids will have hit him very hard, hence the somewhat self destructive behaviour. Continue to give him space, let him know you are there for him to talk to and occasionally check in with him. If he hasn't made his mind up after a month, then you have some thinking to do yourself.
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