A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for almost 2 years (no kids) and am completely in love with a co-worker. He has been married for 8 (2 kids). We both knew we were married and could tell that we had a thing for each other- while traveling for work we ended up talking about our feelings one night. We have since made it a habit of seeing each other outside of work. We have also recently had sex. I truly believe that he is a good person and used to believe that I was... I am so confused. My husband is a wonderful guy and I couldn't say one bad thing about him. I have tried to forget about my co-worker, but just can't. We ask ourselves all of the time why we can't stop talking to or seeing each other. It's like we both do but just can't. We even joke that we "hate" each other because of how we make each other feel. Are we normal; do other people feel like this????? Help!!
View related questions:
co-worker Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Yes, you are normal.
I don't know why these people are trying to be so self righteous, once you are even semi attractive, you will find yourself being propositioned at some point during your marriage. Your spirit was attracted to this man for some reason, and you followed through with your desire, it is not a good thing to do, but it doesn't make you a bad person.
What you are doing now is fun, and every makes mistakes, so don't be too hard on yourself. Make up your mind on if you want to stay with your husband, if so, you have to end it with this man, and probably get a new job to totally break ties with your coworker.
If you want the coworker (keeping in mind he will probably want to stay with his wife, they usually don't want to leave) then discuss it with him, but remember it will not be as fun, and a relationship started in this manner generally are not sucessful.
Lastly, you can get a divorce and be single.
Figure out what you really want from life....but it kinda sounds like your hubby might not be the man you really want, so think about leaving him (QUICK,before you have kids!!) and finding the man you are really supposed to be with :)
So, don't worry, and ignore all these negative, judgemental people and decide what you want to do, you are still a good person, just confused :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): I agree that you're not ready to be married yet.
The "I can't help it" is exactly what we're talking about. Married & mature people "help it" every day for the rest of their lives.
Long & faithful marriages don't just last because the people never feel tempted enough to cheat, they last because the partners exhibit the self-control not to do it no matter how tempting & easy it might be.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): No, I don't believe you are "normal" since you both made the decision to deceive your spouses and yourselves. You need professional help before you hurt someone else again!I also think you shouln't remain in your present relationship unless you have seeked help. The fact that you decided to have sex with someone else so quickly leads me to conclude that you may have some deep inner conflicts, which need to be resolved in order for you to be happy in a relationship.Needless to say, I feel a profound disgust for your impulsive behavior. Indeed, it has hurt many people besides yourself.Good luck and please get help!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): What you've done is commit fraud. You fooled your husband into believing you were someone worthy of his devotion and esteem. If he married you for (what he believed to be) the right reasons, he'd unhesitatingly defend you with his life.
And you valued this so much you screwed around with someone who has made no such emotional investment in you and is in fact himself committing a fraud.
In love? Really? What is there to love about a lying, cheating fraud? (question directed to either you or your office guy) It's bad enough he too has dishonored his vows, exactly how many nanoseconds did either of you spend thinking about the potential consquences to Mr. Wonderful's kids? Okay this guy is a sack of crap too, and maybe he'd have done it (and maybe has done it) with someone else but you chose to be a party to it.
When you were married presumably your husband made some promises that he meant. You on the other hand stood there mouthing some words. You've stolen two years of marriage and however much time your husband was with you before that he can't ever get back. Years he could have spent with someone or looking for someone who was worth a damn.
What you *should* do, Missy, is go sew a big, fancy, red capital "A" on the front of your wedding dress and walk up and down the street wearing it for all to see and when your husband asks what the hell's going on, have you lost your mind, tell him exactly what kind of girl he married. If he has any brains he'll throw your ass out on the street.
I'd call you a whore but you're not even worthy of that. A common street whore is far more honest about what she is than you are.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): Assuming you're not someone getting your jollies and posting a fake scenario, no, you're not a good person and neither is the guy you're having an affair with. You made promises to people which you've completely disregarded. You took your clothes off and had a man who was not your husband penetrate you for pleasure. The fact that you took vows with someone else meant nothing to you. You're using this escape word "confused" that females so often like to use. No you're not confused, you're looking to dodge accountability for what you've done. And you probably get off on airing this in public.Let me clear up your "confusion" - you're a dishonest slut who didn't honor their commitment. You don't deserve to be married to a "great guy".Hopefully someone will tell this guy's wife so instead of spending his time and attention on you he'll be too busy making his court-mandated child support payments for the next however many years. Hopefully both your husband and this guy's wife will find decent people to be with who don't have a problem keeping a promise. Hope this helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Hi,
this post is an advertisement for why people should not get married too young.
You are still in your early twenties and behaving like I did when I was your age, but I didn't have a wedding band on my finger . You do, but you still want to play the field.
Do your husband a huge favour, let him go, he deserves better and you can return to the single life. You got married too early you weren't ready for it, dont make that mistake again, but let your husband live his life . If you really love him you will at least show him this little bit of respect.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 April 2008):
 I am standing and applauding the answer by q1605. He left no stone unturned and exposed, very eloquently, how people rationalize what choices they make. People can reason anything into reality.
Why are you making little jokes with this married man? Do you understand the extent of the harm you're dabbling with? There is nothing funny about it. The answer to your question is this. Of course other married people have attractions. It can also be difficult to ignore your feelings or inclinations when you receive signs the other person is attracted to you. That is the fir mistake though. If you are married, you shouldn't let someone else know you're attracted to them. That is disrespectful to your marriage and a sign you're not being fulfilled.
The fact you're not being fulfilled is something to work on within the marriage, not with some other guy. This is where the self deception begins. It's not rocket science to understand the mechanics of it either. The good feelings you get from someone who is interested in you are the same ones you got from your husband when you were dating. The only difference is you entered into an agreement with your husband, called marriage, to not act upon those feelings with another man.
Somehow, because you enjoyed the attention, you let your guard down and this mess unfolded. Now you say that you've tried to stop thinking about each other, then when you can't, you go to the very guy you don't want to think about and ask him if he's feeling the same way.....Of course, now you find yourself in the very den of the lion....it's like chasing your tail.
Let's say you leave your husband go with this guy. What happens when another guy gets your attention? Will you leave your second husband...third husband etc. Attractions will always come along. What maturity teaches us is that the RELATIONSHIP you have with your spouse is supposed to be worth more than a fling with a stranger. You say your husband is a wonderful guy and you can't say one bad thing about him. How will this wonderful guy feel when he finds out another man has been naked with you while he was off being the wonderful husband.
At some point your conscience should have kicked in and told you that you were doing something very wrong. What I'm hearing is this......I really want this but I'm not entitled to it....I still really want it....I really, really want it.....I know I'm wrong but I don't care.....I'm doing it !!!
Have you thought about you husband? If he is so nice, why are you doing this to him?
...............................
A
female
reader, LoveButLost +, writes (13 April 2008):
I truly understand where youre coming from. I am having the same problem, but him and I have not had sex. Right now I feel torn between my marriage and happiness. Take sometime out for you. Look within your heart and see why you married your husband, talk to him if your not happy. See if you could work things out. This is where I am at in my life and this is the only advice I could offer.
...............................
A
female
reader, LoveButLost +, writes (13 April 2008):
I truly understand where your coming from. I am having the same problem, but him and I have not had sex. Right now I feel torn between my marriage and happiness. Take sometime out for you. Look within your heart and see why you married your husband, talk to him if your not happy. See if you could work things out. This is where I am at in my life and this is the only advice I could offer.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 April 2008):
 Forbidden fruits are always sweet but the after effects is very bitter to the taste.
Now you may enjoy the sweet part of the fruit but when the
bitter part comes, I hope you can stomach it.
Think of two families happiness being destroyed because you
could not control your emotions and lusts.
Everything has it's price .
Can you afford to pay the price of your indulgence?
...............................
|
