A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 14 and from Hampshire, England.all my friends have had sex. i feel lonley because i'm still a virgin. they arn't saying i MUST pop the cherry but i don't fit in anymore eg. i'm not invited to party. i've always been a bit awkward around people and i'm not sure that i have any sex appeal. i've been taking laxatives to slim down a bit but i still don't think thats going to get anyone to fuck me.the truth is, the boy i've fallen for is the kind that will never even like me, let alone screw me.i've become so depressed recently about the whole thing i'm just stirring in the pool of my missery.PLEASE what should i do?!
View related questions:
depressed, still a virgin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): hi,
i'm the girl that posted the question (i'm not sure how to do followups, lol!)
i just wanted to thank you all for your awnsers, you've really helped me when i didn't know who to turn too.
And yes - i'm still a virgin. But i feel alot better about it now. i've realised that when i do have sex i want to have it to please me, not please my friends.
No, they arn't my friends anymore. I'm trying to find some new, "purer" friends to be with; its taking a while but i'm confident i'll fit in somewhere.
The good news i really must tell you though is that that boy i liked DID try and get inside my knickers!! and guess what i did? i pushed him off me and said "No". I've never thought i'de do that too him but i'm SO happy i did!
I know it's wrong but i'm still on laxatives - i'm taking some counciling class to try and feel happier in my body, and infact alot of girls my age have eating issues too, so i know i'm not alone in this.
Once again thank you sooo much for your posts!
Love Fee
xxx
A
female
reader, kimblebee90 +, writes (30 April 2008):
 oh gosh
ur virginity is such a precious thing, trust us on this one
u r not ready 4 this, even if u feel left out.
I felt left out, I chose to try and fit in, BIG MISTAKE
these people are not your friends, if they were they would support you watever your decision was
my advice is hold on until you can do it with somebody u love with all your heart. You will feel so much better about it
and find new friends, it wont be easy, but i did it and i feel so much better about evrything
good friends make life so good
xxxxxx
=]
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): Honey, how can you even call these your friends? They're mean and inconsiderate of your feelings. Maybe arrange your own party, or find different friends with parties to go out to? Show them you're not just a boring, stay-at-home person. Losing your virginity is a seriously important and emmotional thing, and they're clearly not mature enough to understand that yet. I must say, well done for not caving into these nutters! You're being mature about it, and anyway, who says you've gotta have sex to have fun? Go out, meet guys, show them how sexy you really can be, but show them you have dignity by not going all the way! That way, it's a win win situation. You keep your power and dignity, but get to have fun and show them just how much fun you can be. They need sex to have fun, you don't!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): Stop being so dramatic.
Put things into perspective. Do you really believe every single one of your friends is having sex? They might be saying they are but they're not.
Secondly, is a guy wanting to 'screw' you all you actually want? Why do you not want a relationship with someone who cares for you and respects you? Not a guy who just wants to fuck you. Come one, where is your self respect?
Stop with the laxatives. If you feel you need to lose weight then do it the healthy way, why would you choose to abuse your body like this? Its a one way ticket to an eating disorder.
Girls who sleep with random boys at 14 is disgusting, cheap and naive. Why you would want to be one of those girls is beyond me.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008): Just consider yourself lucky! Your virginity is a special thing, do you really want to dump that away?
Fine, go ahead lost your virginity, but I will say you WILL regret it later in life, unless you have a low mentality. And if you do where will that lead to? If your friends were doing drugs would you participate?
Stand up for yourself and wait. Do you really wanna get pressured into having sex so young? I don't think your body can even handle a penis at 14.
What would you like/perfer, for someone to 'fuck' you or someone to 'make love' to you?
...............................
A
female
reader, HerNameIsAlice +, writes (13 April 2008):
i'm 14 and i'm still a virgin...it's nothing to worry aobut. people in my year at school have had sex but tbh i think they're just saying that to make themselves look big, but it really isn't. i'm proud i'm a virgin. and as for thinking of using pills DONT, i cuold lose a bit of weight but ive still got a boyfriend who loves me and likes me for me, your time will come.i know exactly how you feel cos i felt it too but now i've realised that if youre just confident and dont let people get you down about silly things like losing your virginity then you'll be happy and it will come when you're ready...take care xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, cuteblonde124  +, writes (13 April 2008):
 first of all im 14, and a virgin. if you arent invited to parties. well then your friends suck. second. i know im to young for sex, so should you. but good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, lyd_foster +, writes (13 April 2008):
 Firstly you are underage and its not wise to have sex yet
your body isnt mature enought and neither are your friends
the fact that they have had sex dosnt mean that you have to
Sex should happen when your are in a loving realationship with somebody who you can trust.
dont rush it beause you will regret it
i lost my virginity at 13! and i am so ashamed of it now
and i would take it back if i could and i would of enjoyed my childhood more
:)
taking laxitives is a bigg no no if i guy wont like you for the way that they are then aint worth it
...............................
A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (12 April 2008):
 I recommend you take a step back and put things in perspective. What you need is confidence. The strength to be happy with the fact that you are different. That's the kind of confidence that attracts people.
Being different can pay off. It's the lack of confidence that make people judge you and put you down. You need to give yourself a long term perspective.
Think about the kind of person you want to be and all the things you want to accomplish. Write down out a plan.
Once you have a certain level of confidence, it can change the playing field, and open up possibilities that you mightn't expect.
One tidbit to remember is that many people only stay in touch with one or two friends from school a couple years after they graduate.
Maybe you won't get what you want right now, because you're young and most of your decisions have been made for you. Or maybe you will. But remember, one day you'll graduate from school and be older, wiser, and will have the freedom to do what you want.
...............................
A
male
reader, Rococo +, writes (12 April 2008):
first of all, don't be envious of their friends. Having lost your virginity at the age of 14 is nothing you should give yourself a medal for. I'd way rather have a long-term girlfriend who waited for someone special and valued giving themselves up than someone who gave it away like it was going to rot.
second, laxatives are no way to lose weight. At the age of 14 your body is still going through some major changes and you could end up slimming up once your metabolism catches up! don't start popping pills, start exercise, play some sports and eat right. Don't worry about getting your cherry popped!! there will be an endless supply of guys who will want to before you know it!! rather, learn to value yourself and sex and you will thank yourself not too far down the road.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (12 April 2008):
Taking Laxatives to slim is BULIMIA! Do not continue with this, please!
Tell yourself that boys don't like girls who are sick, and if you don't stop doing this you will get really ill and sick looking.
Just because you are waiting for the right guy to lose your virginity to, doesn't make you strange. The average age for people to lose virginity in the UK is 17. Your friends are giving it away too easily. Do you really want to look back at the guy you gave your virginity to and it to be some spotty kid? Or a gorgeous guy who romanced you and worked for it?
Could it be that your friends are more distant because you are so self concious and doing drastic weight loss things? Or that they are just idiots who go round sleeping with any boy that will have them?
The thing you need to do is get your confidence up, and get new friends. Dye your hair, buy a new bra and do fun things.
This boy you like may or may not grow to like you once you get all confident and talkative, or you may get over him.
Wait for someone who is willing to work to earn your trust and then lose your virginity in a fantastic romantic way, rather than drunkenly at some party where it will be rubbish and probably just hurt anyway.
You are better than that!
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008): my dear, you are only a virgin once so i'd candidly advice u 2 remain so until you are very sure u wana loose it, and you should remember that your friends who aren't virgins anymore, you can always be like them but they can never be like you anymore because the hymen is broken already!!! i believe so much in God and the Bible which actually doesn't advice us to have sex until we are married so that's my candid advice to you. plus God really does comfort us when we turn to Him but we have to turn to Him and trust Him and once you understand Him more, no matter how you look, He'd always love and cherish you and you'd feel like the most beautiful person ever because everyone doesn't have Him but you are previledged to, you understand? take care dear. Jesus loves you!
...............................
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (12 April 2008):
 I know just how you feel, because when i was 14 all my friends had had sex, too - and I hadn't even used a tampax!! I was 16 and a half when i first had sex, and actually I was really pleased it was then, because I was old enough to know what I was doing, and to make sure it was a good experience. My friends had horrible experiences - drunk on a bathroom floor on new year's eve - that kind of thing, and I think it was much better to wait until I found someone I really liked, and who liked me.
I know it feels like you're being left behind, and it makes you feel even more self-conscious and as if they all know something you don't. But you can still join in conversations and parties and things without having had sex - and there are LOADS of boys who also haven't had sex. Don't worry about it. Think of yourself as special - because you are. You haven't 'lost' anything yet - just make sure that when you do, it feels right (and you don't rush into something because your friends have done it).
As for liking a boy who will never look at you, we've all done that, too. You might be surprised - maybe he would look at you. And if not, find someone who makes you laugh and is your friend - that's the best kind of boyfriend.
Don't get depressed about it, though - I know that's easy for me to say, because I'm not 14 any more. I know how it felt, though. It felt TERRIBLE! I cried myself to sleep every night because nobody had ever kissed me and I though nobody ever would. I even had a plan that if they declared nuclear war, I would run outside and grab the first male I could and beg him to have sex with me, because I didn't want to die a virgin! But remember: you're probably much more attractive than you think you are, because you have a low opinion of yourself (normal teenage feeling); most of the boys are just as nervous as you, but they're better at hiding it; this is just a moment in your life ... you have years and years ahead of you, and one day you'll be married and/or having a baby and you'll think 'why was I so worried?'. It will all happen. Just be patient, and trust. It really will happen, when the time is right.
...............................
|
