| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: My husband is trying to meet with girls on the net. I know cause I go through his emails without him knowing of course. Me and my husband have been going through some problems and im not sure if this is why he's doin this. To be honest, I dont think I love him anymore. I love him, but Im not in love with him. We have kids together and they're very young. I don't want to divorce for that reason. How could I tell him that I know about hes attempting to meet with women and how could I get him to confess that he wants to see other woman. I want him to know that I dont care if he see other women and that I don't love him anymore. I know that sounds crazy, but I dont want to be in a marriage based on lies. I've just given up. I wouldnt care if he said Im going to see Sally today. I dont care!!!! I just dont want to be lied to. All I want for him to do is confess. thats all. I know this is strange. Could somebody give me some advise. thank you!
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): I hate to say this, but show him (print off emails if you have to) what you found and dump him. Cheating is never an excuse. In my opinion a cheater never deserves another chance. If you stay with him he will be sneakier and get away with more and more. We women need to weed out the unsuitable men in this world! Good luck, you deserve sooooooo much better! Believe it!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2006): Hun, why do you feel it's necessary to hear it from his own lips..that he wants to date other women? You've clearly found the evidence and I go by that old credo, that a person's actions, who they really are. So you know his true character which is..he's a liar. You are ignoring the ugly, unpleasant realities by saying..."I don't care if he does this, I just want the truth." Do you honestly think you'll get the truth? I am amazed at the lengths people (like your husband) will go for pure, stupid fantasy..to feed his ego-to fulfill his own wants and needs. He'll keep ignoring his obligation and committment to you and his kids, he'll keep ignoring his own selfishness and insensitivities, he'll keep ignoring his weaknesses and the serious marriage problems, you both are experiencing. All for what? For cheap thrills which is only hurting the ones he is supposed to love. You are trying to survive here-you have two young children who need a family life, a home and a father. So you are simply settling. You are accepting his his acting out and his bad behaviours because you feel--to leave now, the costs are going to be great. So why is it that you think you cannot 'go it alone' and raise your family in a happier environment and why are you martyring yourself and your own happiness. You do deserve it, dear. Stop doing that and get proactive..do something about this. Take a stand. Get the computer out of the house and get rid of the internet. Next, get to a counselor and work on your marriage and find out why you two have became so utterly lost. If you can't do that..then dump the loser and make a life on your own and get back your dignity and pride. Staying with him and watching him continually 'cheat' online will wear on you. Look after yourself and don't tolerate this..because a happy, strong Mom is the best kind of Mom, two sweet little kids can have. My heart is with you, dear...good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, seenitdoneit +, writes (26 August 2006):
A close friend of mine had this problem and this had been going on before their marriage and continued after it. Some people think that cheating through cyberspace is ok because there is no physical touching. They are deluding themselves as putting emotions and sexual energy into an on-line partner is still taking the emotion and sexual energy out of their marriage in the same way adultery does. My friend continued with the marriage although 5 years later it is still rocky. Research has shown that children are happier with divorced parents than living in a home where the parents clearly do not want to be together. I am interested to know why you were reading his e-mails in the first place - there was clearly no trust there from the beginning. Before you give up on the marriage though, do try and get some councelling to see if you can make the marriage work - if not for yourself then for the children. If that fails then go for as amicable a divorce as you can - again for the children.
...............................
A
female
reader, dery +, writes (26 August 2006):
u must know that men will keep on tryin.so if a lie has helped him at one point ,he will continue to do it agin.the first best optionis to talk it to him in front of a counseller.if he still refuse to confess,then u hav to provide an ultimatum.
...............................
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (26 August 2006):
 Your reaction is very understandable, under the circumstances.
What you could consider is that quite a few people who make contact over the internet, like your husband is doing, are not really planning on going through with it. It's a way of fantasizing about infidelity or escape, or a way of avoiding real life issues by hiding in a fantasy.
Talking to your husband about it is a good thing to do. But perhaps rather than going straight in so aggressively, you could first ask him to explain why he has been doing it. Try to keep an open mind while he is talking, let him explain how he feels. It may be that you both would like to try to repair things, and if there is chance of that being the case, it's worth the attempt.
...............................
|
